Off to see the Wizard

Time to click my magic heels and be wisked away to America's heartland. Lawrence Kansas heres come the Gamecocks to check out Dorothy, Toto and the rest of those cold lonely white people.

We take on the #2 Jayhawks this Saturday evening at 8 pm est. Be sure to check out the highlights on SportsCenter, maybe we can pull off the impossible dream.

Dan I will be sure to give out your talkstation site to everybody I meet there. I am sure the people in Kansas all need a nice leftist liberal New York Jew telling them how to feel about the politics of the day.

Wish the Gamecocks luck, we will need all we can get.

For Andrew

Pro Football Blows!!!! That is why I do not write about it much.

I absolutely despise pro football now. I grew up (as you know) in a household where pro football was all the rage. And I am glad it was so, because back then pro football ruled. There were legitmate great teams and great players on every team. I hate parody!!! I know Dan and Andrew will both vehimently disagree with me, but hey they were both born Jewish (I have no idea what that is supposed to mean).

I get so sick of watching teams march up and down the field, and then when they get in the hint of field goal range they just run the ball three straight times, trot out some small white guy, who claims to be a "football player", to kick a ball through to yellow sticks. The NFL stands for National Fieldgoal League. I hate it.

The New England Patriots are cool and yeah they win a lot of games and will probably win their 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years, but come one folks are they really a great team? Tom Brady bites my anus, hell he couldn't start over Drew Henson at Michigan and now he is the second coming of Johnny Unitas? The teams now adays that are great could not compete 10,15, or 20 years ago. Do you really think that this years Patriots or Steelers would have a snowballs chance in hell at beating the '85 Bears or 49ers Championship teams? I do not think they could even beat the Bronco or Buffalo (for you Andrew) teams that kept losing in Super Bowls.

Before this NFL Season do you realize that teams led by Matt Hasselback and Jake Plummer were good picks to win the SuperBowl. I'll repeat, teams led by Matt Hasselback and Jake Plummer. Have you ever seen these bums play football? What is worse is their respective coach's are revered as two of the best in the game. And they chose to go to war with Matt Hasselback and Jake Plummer.

The last ten or so years has slowly weened me of football, due to the lack of great teams and great players. Over the first 29 SuperBowls we were treated to a Hall of Fame QB Match-up 11 times. In the last nine years we were treated to such an event once, and that was with Favre & Elway at the end of his career. In those same 29 SuperBowls 65% of the starting QB's are or will be Hall of Famers. The last nine super Bowls have treated us 5 Hall of Famers out of 18 Starters for a robust 27%. Of the SuperBowl MVP's in the first 29 years 23 Hall of Famers are on that list compared to 2 from the last nine SuperBowls.

That is why I do not talk about football. I hate parody, I hate everyone having a shot. Yes I want to be a n elitist American and whoever has the most money can do whatever they want, that is why Baseball rules. Have you seen the NFC Playoff picture this year? How is that fun for anyone?

VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!!!

Things are in the Works

Yes folks I am still alive and business is still open here at the Wisdom Factory. The Holiday madness is upon us all, and it does not help that Basketball season coincides with this already busy time. I have done some holiday shopping, though nobody in the family will tell me what they want, so they are close to getting zippo!!!

The mall, everytime I go it is nothing short of a life changing experience. I have written the President and informed him that I am putting forth a Bill to congress that says any women who wants to wear a belly shirt in public needs to have her belly and her shirt approved by yours truly. What I saw this weekend was a disgusting display of bellys, which included my own. Also at the mall there are a ton of breasts, and I found myself all too often caught looking at a pair. Oh well what can you do?

Comments people I need comments. I know last week I came at you like a bolt of lightning with blog after blog. But this site works best as a 2 way street. I appreciate all of your readership and please do not be afraid to let me know what you think. And yes Dan, you are a brilliant comedy writer and I should have used that "my driver is waiting" line, that would have been funny.

Here at USC we ar eint he midst of a tough stretch of games over the next 8-10 days before we get to leave for Christmas. I will be out of town from Thursday-Monday in Kansas and Alabama two of the greatest places on earth.

There are some things to look forward to here at the Wisdom Factory;
I am currently doing some research on the dreaded contract year among baseball players, how they will have career years when their contract is about to expore and cash in big time, there is also going to be a holiday movie madness rush on because there are many flicks I want to see, and look forward to explianing why I hate New Years and never celebrate it, unless of course there is a hot gilr with me and that is rare.

I also saw 2 movies this weekend. Ray and Closer. Ray is highly recommended while Closer was okay, but not great. There is a longer explanation that I will go into later about why Closer could have been better.

Who’s Hotter?

(Eva Mendes vs. Penelope Cruz)


Today we are going to compare two of the best looking Latin ladies in films today. This idea was sparked, of course, by a brother, Martin A. Kester. You know black guys they love the Latin’s and the Asians. Who’s Hotter? Remember that the opinions expressed on this website are solely mine, and I don’t give a fuck who likes it or not.

Eva Mendes- Starred opposite Denzel in Out of Time & Training Day, as well as 2 Fast 2 Furious, what a great film!! Ms. Mendes is of Cuban descent. Viva Cuba!! She is 5’7 which is a great height. She has very lovely skin & Caribbean skin tone and a beautiful face with the ever present Cindy Crawford beauty mark. Her body can stop traffic, I saw it happen once. Her breasts which are real are nothing short of spectacular. And like most Latin women she has a great set of curves without having too bodacious of a backside. Mendes looks better with her natural dark hair which helps bring out her big beautiful eyes and her soft lips. 8.8 Out of 10

Penelope Cruz- the Spanish seductress who broke up Nicole and Tom. Ms. Cruz has a very nice classic beauty to her. She is faired skinned and has a wonderful old world smile. Her body is also close to flawless. Again her breasts are nothing less than spectacular and she has a great set of legs. She is also very seductive looking which adds to her sex appeal. She has the beautiful lustrous dark head of hair and very nice eyes. However, her nose is long and kind of funny looking and she has a noticeable overbite which is not cute but distracting to her smile. 8.0 Out of 10

There you have it folks, who is hotter this week, Eva Mendes wins by a Castro cigar. Be sure to stay tuned for next weeks edition of Who’s Hotter? Remember your suggestions are always welcome.

Heisman Time

It is time for the Downtown Athletic Club to give out the most famous trophy in sports. Yes the trophy has lost its luster but it still a select group of athletes who can walk around and say they are Heisman Trophy winners. Let’s take a look at the candidates in no particular order:

MATT LEINAHRT (USC)- He has thrown for 2900+ yards and 28 TD’s while only throwing 6 picks. His team is 12-0 and poised to play for the whole ball of wax. In his teams 2 biggest games he performed excellently throwing 7 TD’s and 1 INT and over 500 yards against Cal and Notre Dame.

REGGIE BUSH (USC)- He does not have the greatest numbers but he is the biggest game changer. He has over 2000 all purpose yards, 6.1 yards per carry and 15 total TD’s. He has made some big plays but overall he is not the consistant every game performer that the others are.

JASON WHITE (OKL)- His numbers are almost the exact same as Leinahrts. 2,900 yards 33 TD’s and 6 INT’s and his team is 12-0 and also playing for the national title. In his 2 biggest games his performances were marginal throwing for a total of just over 300 yards and 3 TD’s against Texas and Oklahoma State. However, his team did emerge victorious.

ADRIAN PETERSON (OKL)- As a freshman he has been as good as advertised. Rushing for 1800+ yards, 5.9 yards per carry and 18 TD’s. In his teams 2 biggest games he has shined brightest, rushing for an average of 230 yards and a touchdown. He has been a model of consitancy rushing for over 100 yards in all but one game.

JASON CAMPBELL (AUB)- He has thrown for 2500 yard and 19 TD’s while also leading his team to an undefeated record. In his teams biggest games he has thrown for an average of 210 yards and over 73% completion percentage. And when called upon he stepped up huge in the SEC Championship game by throwing for 374 yards and 3 TD’s.

ALEX SMITH (UTAH)- He has had a great season going for 2500 yards, 28 TD’s and rushed for an additional 10 TD’s and 500 yards. Against 3 BCS Conference teams he has thrown for over 800 yards, 9 TD’s, and an additional 3 TD’s. Oh yeah, his team is also undefeated.

Other unsung guys who should receive votes are Carlos Rogers (AUB), Carnell Williams (AUB), David Pollack (UGA), Aaron Rodgers (CAL), Jared Zabransky (BOISE STATE), JJ Arrington (CAL), and Cedric Benson (TEX).

With all that being said I think this is how it should shake out:
Adrian Peterson
Matt Leinhart
Jason White
Alex Smith
Jason Campbell
Reggie Bush

This is how I think it will shake out:
Matt Leinhart
Jason White
Reggie Bush
Adrian Peterson
Alex Smith
Jason Campbell

Ruth is a Cheater too

Some may look at this title and say, “What the hell is this fat bastard talking about.” While Ruth did not knowingly cheat, his numbers are certainly as tainted if not more tainted than those of Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi or any other steroid monger. Why is it when discussing the different era’s in baseball we only want to turn a negative eye to modern statistics and say the ball is juiced, the mound is low, the parks are small, the players are ‘roided up, etc. Well guess what, from the 1890’s through 1947 one tenth of the population was specifically excluded from competing in Major League Baseball.

Yes I am talking about the “Gentlemen’s Agreement” that all owners agreed upon in order to keep the game all white. For years it was whites only, and this is supposedly when some of the games greatest players flaunted their skills. Well I think there should be an asterisk next to any of their numbers and/or records. How do we know what these players would have done had they played against blacks? It is the same as guessing what the Steroid freaks would do if they had been clean, right? No you say, well you are wrong.

Again, with my lack of a life I took the time to look the numbers up. In the history of baseball there have been 100 players elected to the Hall of Fame by the Baseball Writers of America. I do not include Veteran’s Committee electee’s, because it is hard to determine which ones should actually be Hall of Famers. Most of the time the Veterans Committee elected their buddies to the Hall, so they had people to hang out with on induction weekend. Of the 100 men elected to the Hall 37 of them played almost exclusively against white ball players (anyone whose career ended before 1950). That means 73 men have made the Hall of Fame while playing in an integrated game. Of those 73, 22 or 30% of the players are Black and/or Hispanic. That is an unbelievable number when you consider the fact that it took 10 years for every team in MLB to desegregate.

These numbers show me that the minority population has proved to be a viable part of the baseball world. Yet we seem to ordain players in the pre 1947 as the greatest of all time. Personally I find the segregation of a people way more offensive than some dope that shoots himself in the ass with steroids. If we are going to start devaluing statistics and qualifying which ones we want to determine as “real,” we need to go all the way. Make sure we examine all factors before we just indict baseball players of the modern era.

Things are different, the game changes, the most we can do is evaluate what we have in front of us. Do I believe that a player on steroids is any better than a player who is clean? Yes I most certainly do, but can I prove it? Absolutely not, there is no way to qualify it. Maybe Bonds would have hit 65 Homeruns that year not 73, but hey 65 is still damned impressive. Would Ty Cobb have batted .367 lifetime if he had to face Bob Gibson, Satchel Paige or Hilton Smith? I am not sure. Can you prove that he would have? Absolutely not, so how can we say he is the greatest hitter ever? We love to pick and choose which arguments we want to use when comparing the players from different era’s in baseball. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to every era so how can we qualify which eras we choose to hold in higher esteem? We can’t really, but we seem to forget about the exclusion of a race of people for 60 years in our national past time.

And I do know that many will say back to me, well Giambi and Bonds know what they are doing is wrong. They knew it may give them a competitive advantage, yet according to the rules of the game they did nothing wrong. I would say Cobb, Ruth, and Walter Johnson knew that the gentlemen’s agreement was wrong, and they had the power to do something about it. The certainly could have forced owners to hire minority ball players if they really wanted to. Heck, Babe Ruth may be the most influential man in the history of the game, if he wanted Satchel in the Majors, Satchel would have been in the Majors. To be an accomplice to something that is wrong is very close to being the one who commits the act, I believe my legal council will back me up on that (I watch Law & Order and American Justice so do not lie and tell me otherwise, Josh). So please let’s be realistic when we talk about how we should evaluate these stats, evaluate them for what they are, tremendous feats that loser like us could never achieve even with all the BALCO chemicals in the world.

In the News

Another segment I would like to try and debut here on the site. We shall see how it goes. Basically I will scour the internet for as much disturbing and wierd news as I can find. Here are some of this weeks top headlines:

Officer Pulls Over Man Wearing Panties For Drunken Driving
Link: http://www.newsnet5.com/news/3966711/detail.html

High School TeaBagging at its finest
Link: http://www.wytv.com/news/headlines/1129602.html

Neagle likes the BJ's
Link: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/wire?section=mlb&id=1938229

Spree Loves to keep it Interesting
Link:http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1940225

Criminals are dumb
Link:http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_pg=1636&u_sid=1271843

Gotta Love Roided up Teenagers
HS Football Players Beat the Crap Out of School Mascot Before Pep Rally - It was the big pep rally before the annual Thanksgiving Day football game when Stonington High School faced Westerly High. To get the rally off to a rousing start, four sophomore football players allegedly kicked and punched a fellow student who was dressed in the school's bear mascot outfit. For their energetic, but possibly misguided, attempt to flame school spirit each of the boys has received a five-day, in-school suspension for their roles in the incident.

That is all we have for today, be sure to read those articles and realize that you are one of the smarter ones out there!!!

Women, can’t live with them, Pass the Beer nuts

Here today we dive deep into the abyss of hell that is my personal life. While most of the time this site is dedicated to the misery of others, we shall now focus on me. Why you ask, well I love me, I fucking rule.

It is not secret that I am not the best when it comes to “relationships” with women. I think I was born without the chip in my brain that allows me to continue any type of sustained romantic/sexual relationship. So here I am running on ice with a multitude of women. All names will be withheld for the sake of protecting the women involved in my sad pathetic life.

First is some damned skank whom I met a few weeks ago at the strip club. Now, obviously, I knew from the start that anything here was doomed for failure. No, she was not one of the artful performers, she was a waitress. Very hot, very ummmm well big chested. We have spent some quality time together, but our schedules do not exactly match up very well. Plus it turns out she is a huge piece of white trash, which I cannot really handle. She has an ex-boyfriend whom she still talks to and the long term future of this relationship are zero, so I have decided to put an end to this affair. Man she has Great New York Boobs though!!

Second is the wonderful and talented friend from a long way away. Well not that far, but far enough that it is hard to try and get anything going. Right now she is in the Ballina* stage for the second time this fall/winter. For whatever reason she seems determined to just lead me around, but never really make it easy for anything to develop. I had hoped to get her to visit me sometime in the near future. However, the Ballina leads me to believe that that will not happen anytime soon. I will see her in February but I am sure she will try to avoid me at all costs. We shall see.

Next is a beautiful young grad student whom I met at a bar recently while out with some friends. Yes, I have some friends, and yes I was out in a social situation. Well we had a great time chatting it up and flirting and the whole nine yards. So as the evening was winding down (and by that I mean I wanted to leave because I hated everyone there) I asked her for her phone number. The dialogue went as follows:

KRIS: Hey, do you think I could get your number so I could call you and we could hang out sometime?
GIRL: Yeah, that would be a great idea. It is 000-0000.
KRIS: Thanks.
GIRL: Well it was nice meeting you. Be sure to call me soon so that we can hang out. Look forward to seeing you.
KRIS: Girl, the pleasure was all mine, have a good night and a nice holiday weekend.

Well anytime now she should be calling me back. I have tried calling and received nothing in response. Why give me your number and tell me to call you? Or give me a fake number, that would be cool. She could even say, well I do not think that would be a good idea because you are a hideous land porpoise and I could never be seen in public with you. Again, I would have so much more respect for her, but instead she toys with me by giving me the digits and then not calling back. That dirty dirty whore!!! Now she must pay!!!

Then there are a few other little things. One is this attractive female whom runs around in the same circle of people that I do. The only problem is I have hung out with her roommate a few times, though nothing has happened. So it may be awkward if I start pursuing her, because I have tried to get in her roommates pants. While it is not the “Roommate Switch,” it is a version of it that I am certain I cannot pull off. Then there is the love of my life. She knows who she is if she wants to accept it, and anytime she wants to move back here and marry me she is more than welcome too.

What I do not understand about all this is why? Again, I am not the best looking guy in the world, but I have some redeemable qualities. People say I am a fun guy to be around, I am funny, I am loyal and honest. I guess all of these are not qualities women are looking for. Maybe I am destined to live my life like that of my hero George Costanza.

I proclaim this the Winter of Kris!!!

*Ballina is a term set forth by the honorable Robert J. Agnoli. It is taken from the former East Stroudsburg State Kineseology Graduate Student Annette Ballina who excelled at not calling someone back and then seeing them at a later time and acting as if nothing had happened.

The Weekend Wrap, 12/3-12/5

THINGS WE LEARNED

-Notre Dame is run by a bunch of morons. They openly admit that overall the program is in better shape than it was 3 years ago, but they have not seen enough improvement on the field. They fire Tyron Willingham with the basic understanding that they are going to hire Urban Meyer. Well these pompas assholes meet with Meyer and in less than 2 hours he is already turn off by their smug attitudes and they fact they can’t accept that he wouldn’t sign his name up immediately. Meyer calls Florida and says, let’s talk, and next thing you know he is the new coach of the Florida Gators, a team loaded with talent thanks to Ron Zook. Now, I am not sure what the expression “Egg on your face is” and certain I have never used it, but this seems to be an appropriate situation in which to use it. Notre Dame indeed has Egg on its face, or for those more simple minded “they are left holding their dicks in the wind.”

-Tyrone Willingham just oozes class. He has every right and opportunity to absolutely slam Notre Dame and everything about their program and he has done nothing but take the high road. There are dozens of schools that would be lucky to have such a fine man as their football coach, and I hope he schedules Notre Dame’s sorry ass and smokes ‘em.

-Urban Meyer is smart. He will have Florida competing for a National Title in 2 years.

-The SouthEastern Conference is not very good in basketball. I think every team lost accept for Alabama this weekend, to a list of ACC and SoCon schools.

-The Eagles are the greatest team of all time. They absolutely blitzkrieged the Packers, who were thought to be legitimate competition in the NFC. If they do not go to the Super Bowl Andy Reid should be fire, NO EXCUSES THIS YEAR!!

-Maybe Chad Hutchinson should have been given a better shot by the Dallas Cowboys?

-The BCS rules!!!!


THINGS I LIKED

-Charles Barkley on College Gameday. That guy rules and he analyzes football pretty darn well for just being a dumb basketball player.

-The Polar Express. Visually it was an incredible movie. The story was extremely touching and very well done by Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks. A typical “children’s movie,” that is certainly more appreciated by adults.

-The Denver Broncos and Jake Plummer losing again. Can people please stop it with this guy? He fucking blows!! Yes I thought he would be a good NFL QB but I was wrong, I can admit it, why can’t NFL GM’s?

THINGS I DISLIKED

-The fact that my fantasy basketball team is going down the pooper due to injuries and lack of playing time because of poor attitudes (I’m looking in your direction Rafer Alston)

-The big Victor Conti 20/20 interview. What a bunch of crap this was. That thing sucked, he sucked and ABC suckered all of us into believing that he would just start rolling people under the bus. When I want steroid news I will turn to my local “Steroid News Daily” (a.ka. The San Francisco Chronicle).

-Our loss to Clemson. We played like dog crap and deserved to lose, but it still sucked.

-All the steroid talk, again you already know my feelings but people keep pissing me off with it. All these nonsense talkers are still going to watch and celebrate the home run.

-I will however perpetuate the steroid talk. Mark McGwire gets off so scott free in all of this. He had a smart trainer who told him to put a bottle of Andro in his locker and let reporters see it. That way he had a story to tell about what he was taking. All weekend people kept saying Bonds, Giambi, Canseco, Caminiti and Sosa and the “well McGwire was on Andro.” Fuck Andro, he was on STEROIDS!!!!

-The Lakers story still carrying on. I must voice my displeasure with SportsCenter trying to re-hash this story over and over and over again. I know Josh will love the fact that I am hating on the Center, but the Lakers story is so old, get over it already. They bowed to Kobe we all know it, it is like telling us Barry Bonds did steroids.

DID YOU KNOW OF THE WEEK:

The Bengals won their first road game against a team with a winning record in 14 years. 14 years people, Brett Favre had not started game yet in his career. Peyton Manning was in high school. George Herbert Walker Bush was President. That is the sign of a truly pathetic franchise.

Plausible Deniability

I have no idea what that title means, I just know it is some fancy schmancy legal term being tossed about this morning when discussing Barry Bonds and his grand jury testimony. Again for the record, there is no bigger Barry Bonds fan than myself, so my opinions may be skewed and way off base. All this “breaking news” and grand jury testimony should not be coming as a surprise to anyone. Athletes have use steroids and other performance enhancing substances since there existence, and they will continue to do so until the day they die.

Let’s take Bonds as a baseball player and examine his career. He has always been motivated by challenges. After the 1999 season (the worst of his career) and knee surgery he decided he needed to improve his condition and weight training. That off season he began a high intensity program of weights to improve his strength and bulk up his muscle mass. In 2000 he hit 49 homeruns, scored a career high 129 runs, batted .306, OBP .440 and slugged .688. This is not a year that is in question when it comes to steroids or the BALCO investigation. He was motivated to get back to being a great ballplayer after and injury. Eight years earlier he felt he was treated unfairly by the Pirates organization and set out to prove he was worth the money he was demanding. All he did that next season was hit 46 homeruns, score a career high 129 runs, drive in 123 runs, bat .336, slug .677, win the MVP and take the San Francisco Giants from 72 to 103 wins. In 1993 46 homeruns was a monumental total, remember there have been 4 teams added to Major League Baseball since then. Part of the home run boom has to be attributed to the fact that there are 20 more starting pitchers who should not even have jobs. Undoubtedly he has taken some performance enhancing drugs. I am not here to say that he is innocent and he has never done any kind of steroid. I am just saying there are a multitude of other factors that have led him to be a great baseball player. He was blessed with a great ability to hit a baseball and a strong desire to become the best that he can be. When did he start using steroids? Nobody really knows, so how can you put an aesterix or ban him from play or the hall of fame? All indications point to his “relationship” with BALCO beginning with the 2001 season. What about the 2000 season? The 1993 season and all the other seasons? Please stop saying this affects his Hall of Fame status and all this other bullshit.

Now lets discuss whether we give a shit or not? I say we as fans really don’t care. Remember, “Chicks dig the long ball.” We all love it. We stop to see home runs. When a guy hits a dinger we yell to the guy in the other room, “Hey Rafael Santana just hit one out.” We never yell, “Hey U.L. Washington just sac flied home Buddy Biancalana.” We want guys to mash the ball, we love it. The moment we stop loving it we will stop putting it in the box score, and showing it on SportsCenter. Again the Spice Girls Syndrome takes affect here. We want to stand with friends at a dinner party (not that I have ever been to a dinner party) and say, “it is wrong for these athletes to take steroids. It Gives them an unfair competitive advantage.” Yadda Yaddda Yadda. Then when you leave the dinner party and you check your fantasy stats you will yell at the computer screen because for the eighth games in a row Richie Sexson has failed to hit a home run. And please do not give me that one about morality and what are we supposed to tell the children. You know what, fuck the children. I have heard people on the radio say what are parents supposed to tell their kids. One guy wrote an email saying his son heard that Jason Giambi was a cheater so he took his poster of Giambi off the wall and came crying to his dad saying he did not want to watch baseball anymore. Great, freaking fantastic, don’t watch baseball anymore, I do not give shit, one 9 year old kid in Indiana isn’t go to take any sweat off my sack. You know what kid, Denis Leary said it best…………Life Sucks, get a fucking helmet!


Please can we stop it with all this nonesense. To me it is a total non-story. I hope they are all on steroids and cocaine and opium. I am fine with it. This will not affect baseball attendance or money making in any significant way. If MLB management thought it would hurt, they would have put an end to it a long time ago. Bud Selig doesn’t care, everyone is still making bank off of these players and this game. As long as they continue to do so the MLB drug testing policy will be as soft as the Indianapolis Colts defense.

Lastly, I do not need morality in my sports. Remember, I am they guy who thinks it is cool that Ron Artest tried to pummel as many fans as he could. I watch sports for the fun and entertainment value. And hey of some steroids can help some dude hit a ball 500 feet, and he is willing to take that health risk on behalf of entertaining the American public, then so be it. I firmly believe that any athlete who was competing at the highest level thought he could get away with it would probably try it. Willie Mays and Hank Aaron never had the chance to try it, who is to say they would not have done it had they been around in these times? Certainly not me, I have a Bachelors Degree in Communications from York College of Pennsylvania, far from what anyone would consider a smart individual. I think Larry Doby would have needles hanging out of his ass personally, if he could have the chance to hit 70 homeruns.

Barry Bonds for president and Jason Giambi for secretary of ‘Roid Rage. Bonds and Conti in ’08 BABY!!!!!!!!

Who's Hotter?

Again, I need to apologize to my loyal reader. Things here have been hectic and I have been working a lot, so it has been hard to post on here. I do appreciate all the concern of my readers (“Hey, why don’t you write some crap on your website you lazy bastard.” Truly caring!!). As some of you may have been aware, I posed a question on who is hotter, Natalie Portman or Katie Holmes. Many responded to my email query and the debate was fierce, so I have decided again to debut a new segment which shant last very long. The Who is Hotter debate? Remember that the opinions expressed on this website are solely mine, and I don’t give a fuck who likes it or not.

Katie Holmes- The Dawson’s Creek girl next door. Miss Holmes has a very young teenage beauty quality about her. She has this very sly looking smile that would make a man melt in his shoes. I love her long straight hair and her deep eyes which are great qualities on a brunette. She also has a very good body, however her legs are a little thicker than some realize and her chest is actually not as big as one would think. (There is a home movie of her flashing a friend’s video camera, while drunk it appears). Overall Katie Holmes is definitely someone you would not mind bringing home and saying she is your girl; no matter how much of a freak she may be she can always pull off the innocent good girl image. 8.4 Out of 10

Natalie Portman- Shot to super stardom as Queen Amadela in Star Wars. She has a certain glow that surrounds her. She has a stunning set of eyes which can pierce through you like a laser. She has a face that is absolutely perfect. Her features are flawless; eyes, nose, mouth, jaw-line, everything is perfectly sculpted. Granted when one looks at her body there is a glaring omission on her chest. And I am a breast man, (and so is everybody, it sounds cool to say “I am not that into breasts, I like a girl with a nice butt.” It is the whole Spice Girls album thing again, you think you are cooler and more hip if you deny that you have a Spice Girl’s CD, just like saying you are not into breasts.) But with Ms. Portman I can move past that. She has an n incredibly tight petite body. She is very toned (naturally) and she does have a great booty. She is like Lex Luger, The Total Package. In fact she gets my total package going!!! 9.0 Out of 10

There you have it folks, who is hotter this week, Natalie Portman wins by a piece of Motzah. I will be interested to see the debate that this thing sparks. Also, I am looking for strong audience participation in this segment; I will need you the fan to come up with ideas for whom I should compare next week.