Movie Madness, Mania and other cool M Words

Today was maybe the biggest most important movie day in the history of the world, or at least in my little corner of it. I caught a four peat, for the price of 3 matinee's. That is what we like to call special and/or disturbed. I am going to have 2 different posts; the first will deal with the 4 movies I saw and the second will deal with the myriad of bad previews I saw. Here are the 4 movies in order of review, The Village, Farenheit 9/11, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, and Napoleon Dynamite.

The Village is perhaps the most anticipated movie of the summer (sans Garfield of course) and to me it was not a dissappointment as so many "experts" have stated. Honestly, you can't say too much about this movie without giving it away. I am sure all of you know the premise by now and I will say that it is fairly predictable, except for the final twist. The movie starts off very very slow and seems to drag on at the beggining until we get to the real character development. There is only one time were Shyamalan wants you to jump out of your seat and I must say it worked for everyone in the theatre including yours truly. The film is certainly carried by the strong cast, probably the best ensemble I have seen in awhile. Phoenix, Brody, and Hurt are all super strong and Bryce Howard (daughter of Ron Howard) is absouletly marvelous. The last time I saw a new actress with that much magnatism on screen was Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, during the entire film your eyes are just drawn to her and everything she is doing. Lastly, Shyamalan has a magnificent cameo (he uses that Hitchcockian technique in all his films) near the end. I thought the Sixth Sense was good and I was not a fan of Shyamalan's efforst in Unbreakable & Signs, but I feel he redeems himself here. This is a good film with great acting and very cerebral.

Now we get to Farenheit 9/11, which has again picked up steem with the Democratic National Convention. Michael Moore is an absolutely brilliant filmmaker which has been known for some time. He uses great pop references, music and humor all at the correct time. And yes this film does make one step back and think about certain things. However, it goes to great lengths to crucify George Bush in every matter under the sun. I believe Bush conspired with the CIA, Jack Ruby, Caiphas, and Pouintus Pilot to kill Jesus, John Kennedy and Thousands of Americans on Septemeber 11. The main breadth if the movie talks about the Bush family and Bin Laden family connections in the oil business, well no shit they are both rich oil families it would seem to reason that they have similar interests and investments. He talks of how Bush and his friend from the Army National Guard James Bath have invested in companies together and one of those companies had investors that were in the Bin Laden family. Well me and Lionel Dahmer worked on the assembly line next to one another and ate lunch three together times a week at the House of Pancakes so I should be held responsible for Jeffrey Dahmer murdering young men? I am just saying in a lot of the movie he is reaching for things to try and prove his point. No doubt the film was well thought out, well directed and well recieved by audiences, I wish Michael Moore the best and hope he dies in a fiery auto wreck on the way home tonite.

Harodl and Kumar should have never gone to the set. And unfrotunately if this movie makes money they are going to Amsterdam in the sequel. Not much I can say about this piece of trash. It is a buddy/advneture picture that is supposed to make you laugh and slap the guy next to you and say "dude that same thing happened to us one night." Unfortunately I never got mistaken as an emergency room doctor and had to save a mans life in surgery, never picked up a washed up child star like Neil Patrick Harris and watched him steal my car, and never hang glided down a cliff for a hamburger. Outside of that yeah me, Harold and Kumar have so much in common, we all like tits & weed. Fred Willard has a scene at the beginning that is great and there is one time where they are driving down the road and they catch each other head bobbing to Wilson Phillips "Hold On" and they begin to sing along as we all have. I do not recommend this, like most of the summer comedies you can see where the humor is supposed to be but the jokes just never deliver. I will leave you with the funniest part of the move, one of the secondary characters is wearing a T-shirt that says the following:
Ass...............The other Vagina

Finally I ended my day with Napoleon Dynamite. How one describes this movie I do not know. It follows the life of the nerdiest guy in the history of school out in a little podunk town in Idaho. Now having been to Idaho and Wyoming and met a number of teens and young 20 somethings from these areas I understand the total despair of lifestyle these people live in. Napoleon lives with his grandmother and loser brother. His aging hipster Uncle comes to take care of them, all while Napoleon finds a friend at school and a girl he can actually talk to. The movie is slow at points and sometimes hard to figure out what the point is. Mainly I took it as everyones life has some meaning even if it is their own weird world. There is nobody really of note in this movie except for Deidrich Bader (Drew Carey Show & Office Space) and Hailey Duff (who has really fat legs). I doubt many people will like it, it is strange very much in the same way brilliant movies like Rusmore, Clerks, Welcome to the Dollhouse and Bottle Rocket were strange. I would go see it again over any of the other summer comedies like Dodgeball, Anchorman, and Harold and Kumar.

So that was my big day at the movies, if their is a bigger loser in the house please stand and be recognized.

Reporting for Duty

John Kerry officially accepted the Democratic Nomination for President.  He gave easily his most passionate speech ever and I now believe he has a legitimate shot had winning the upcoming election.  The convention was one of the dullest ever and experts all agreed that Kerry really needed to rally the troops.  He was passionate, he was clear in his ideals, he was critical more of the Vice Presiedent & other cabinet members rather than George Bush, and he spoke often of his ability to lead due to his miltary service.  My favorite part of the speech was when he spoke of Bush's words immediately following 9/11 about how we needed to become one America, and how he believes in this ideal and will work to bring everyone in America together. 

Hope is on the Way is the message the Democrats have adopted, and I think people may believe this bullshit.   The democrats are really banking on John Edwards being the American dream, the son of a mill worker who wroked his way up and has only had a brief career in politics.  Kerry spoke of how no American will need to worry about his/her prescription drugs and no more outsourcing of jobs.  He spoke of re-expanding the middle class and trying to eliminate poverty.  Colin Quinn made a great point about this on Tough Crowd, every four years the party not in the White House talks of how they are going to help the poor people and give every one a  fair shot, and nothing ever changes.

One thing that seems to have been overlooked in Kerry's speech  is his promise to basically increase military spending.  He spoke of employing more troops (adding 40,000 full time personnell), increasing special ops forces to combat terrorism, and  a complete overhaul of the intelligence community.  All these will cost a boat load of money and where & when he said this in the speech seem to get drowned out by his ra-ra stuff.  I just hope he takes into considertation things like Education and the rising number of teenage & single parent households.

Hopefully, Hope is on the Way.

Is there anything worse than...........

- The Sklar Brothers on ESPN Classic

- Anything hosted by Stuart Scott

- Inane countdowns on VH1, E!, and ESPN

- Bond Movies, which they show on Spike TV all the time

- People at the movies who insist on reading the stuff on the screen outloud (for all the blind people in the audience I can only assume)

- Pepsi

- Folks at the Grocery store who cannnot figure out how to use the self checkout

 

Bounre Again

I know it has been awhile since the last movie review, but nothing worth seeing has come out in the past two weeks.  However, this all changed this week with the latest adaptation of  a Robert Ludlum novel, The Bourne Supremecy.  Matt Damon is back for another round as super CIA agent Jason Bourne. 

Let me say this right away, if you liked the first one you will certainly enjoy the second one.  Damon does another good job in this movie, he plays his character very sympathetically.  Basically the Russian CIA wants to take him out because of information he has, which of course he does not know he has.  Well Bourne gets pissed off and thinks the CIA is trying to take him out and goes back after them, only to realize that they are looking for him because the Russians have set him up and made it look as if he has killed some CIA agents.  Twisty and turny, again filming on location all over the world, Mr. Bourne kicks some serious ass.  And for those of you who know me well you know I am not all into action adventure movies like this, but the plot is well done and Matt Damon and Joan Allen give very good performances.  The editing of the movie can get a  little mind numbing sometimes, it is that fats paced quick cut jumping back and forth editing, but I think it adds to the story of how he escapes several times.  Overall it is a solid movie, again much along the lines of the first one.  The ending was kinda blah, but did not ruin the movie.  It left it very open for another sequel (I do not know how many Ludlum novels there are in the series) but I can see this being very Jack Ryan'ish.  With  the star power and acting chops of Matt Damon they will certainly be able to try another movie with this character.

On side note, it is scary how much of a better actor Matt Damon is over his longtime boyfriend Ben Afflack.  One has talent and good looks and the other has good looks, famous girlfriends and an obsession with the Red Sox.

Lets get some things Straight

I have so many things to get off my fat chest.

What the fuck is with SUV's in this damned country?  This whole SUV shit is out of control.  First of all these things take up so much space on the road, you cannot see anything around them.  Godforbid you are trying to make a turn and one is abstructing your view, you could not see Godzilla coming from behind one of these things.  All these things do is suck down gas like a high school girl sucks dick at a Toga Party.  They are always among the least safest vehicles on the road and most of the people who have them require no more than two seats in their car.  Most of them have no more room inside of them than my Saturn does, they just give the illusion that they are roomy and they are just plain uncomfortable.  If you have a some kids and a family it is so much more economical to get a Mini Van which get great gas mileage (and all you people do is complain about gas prices while you ride around in these fucking things that get 2 miles to the gallon) and are always among the safest vehicles around.  All you fucks say you care about your kids and your families and you insist on putting them at great risk by driving around in these death machines, but instead of flying your family to Florida on a plane, which you are all deathly afraid of, you put them in a terrible vehicle on the road for 12 hours, a circumstance where they are way more likely to pay with their lives.

This country is so obsessed with sex it is ridiculous.  The other day I am watching television and a commercial for Certs comes on and the hot blonde actress talks about how much "bigger" Certs now are.  After some other nonsense in the commercial she talks about how "bigger" Certs should "last longer" and gives  sexy wanna suck your dick smile to the camera.  Is this what America has come too, we need sex to sell Certs?  This country has losts its freaking mind, no wonder all these kids are going around having children all the damned time, everything is Sex, Sex, Sex!!

Now another thing I have a problem with is the fact that we have 2 different pills that can help old, horny, sex obsessed people get a hard on.  Hell Levitra advertises how it may give you a four hour erection, but have we come up with anything to help cancer patients?  Or maybe something to battle MS?  No, but shit if old people really need to slap some old wrinkly asses we got all the pills you need.

A little over a year ago NASA flew and unmanned space probe to Mars (which is 33,900,000 to 249,000,000 from Earth) with a rover inside of it.  We successfully landed the probe on Mars and since have controlled the rover all around the surface of "The Red Planet", but I cannot get cell phone reception in my apartment?  What the hell is wrong with this picture?  I mean seriously, we obviously have the nerds to be able to create such things, lets get them snapping on some cell reception.  Whenever I go under an overpass my signal goes out, but a bunch of MIT grads who get laid less than me are playing with a joystick in Houston and controlling a little toy truck on Mars.

Finally, did you ever notice how they organize things in a grocery store.  Always at the end of the fruit & vegetable section they have the Tostitos and Oreos and all that shit.  They are always right next to each other.  Are they trying to guilt people into something?  Coming from a  a true fat person, I could care less if I have to walk past the asparagus to get to the Doritos.  I love Doritos, hell you could put some bulls from Pamplona in my way and I am going to get those fuckign tasty ass Doritos.  Fat people will always get there food, like Heroin addicts will get there smack. 

The Daily Nooner

This is an all Sports Edition
 
You know what I am sick of, self righteous baseball fans.  "Oh, if the Yankees get Randy Johnson there is no justice."  How about this asshole, GET OVER IT!!!  Yes the system in baseball is completely and utterly flawed, but you know what, that is not my fault.  It is not George Steinbrenners fault either.  Why can't other teams spend money?  I don't know, someone tell me why, please.  Big George loves to put all his money into trying to get the best baseball team he can.  Since 2000 five teams have drawn more than 12 million fans (Cardinals, Giants, Mariners, Yankees, and Dodgers) so they have the ability to spend as much money as they Yankees, yes they certainly do.   Do they, most of them do not, so fuck 'em.  Is it mine or Mr. Steinbrenner's fault that the Giants decided to only have a $59 million payroll, oh thats right, NO!!  Of those 5 teams only 2 have made the World Series recently, fuck the Cardinals, Dodgers, & Mariners if they want Randy Johnson they go and get him, don't tell me the Yankees just spend all their money on players, well duh that is the fucking point!!  Screw Cubs fans, screw Competitive Balance, Screw the Oakland A's for playing "Money Ball", and oh yeah the Yanks haven't won shit since 2000, so stop being so whiney and dramatic about the whole damned thing.  Spend some fucking money, sign free agents do whatever it takes, and it certainly does not take whinning and complaining.
 
 
AND
 
 
As the Kobe Turns.   Finally we have a good idea who is going to be on the Lakers next year.  Kobe says he just wanted to be a Laker (as long as Phil and Shaq aren't there).  Could there be a man who's public persona has made such a u-turn in the span of a little over a year, the only athlete I can think of is OJ and he had to murder a few people.  The Lakers are now a huge joke, and it is actually very amusing.  But enough about the Lakers, some other basketball teams are making news too.  Appearently the Nets have given up, winning must have been no fun.  The Nuggets signing Kenyon Martin is a very good pick up, this gives them one of the 3 or 4 best frontlines in all of basketball.  Lastly, in typical fashion the Spurs made a small move that nobody paid attention to, they signed Brent Barry which will help lead them to the NBA Finals.

Crazy Numbers of the 1st Half

Well the first half of the baseball season is officially over and there is no shortage of stuff to talk about. As most of you loyal readers know I am a stat fiend, especially when it comes to baseball. So this column is my ode to Peter Gammons, Rob Neyer, and Jayson Stark.

BARRY LAMAR BONDS
Bonds has 71 intentional walks already this year. He has more IBB than he does RBI, Hits, and he has 71 runs scored. He has walkd a total of 131 times, that puts him on pace for 238 BB, and he has struck out a whopping 19 times. He is also on pace to shatter his own OBP% record of .581 set two years ago. His current OBP is .626, here are some other hall of famers best seasons; Ruth .545, Griffey JR. .408, Cobb .486, Mays .425, Aaron .410, Dimaggio .459, Mantle .512, and Ted Williams .553 and he hit .406 that year.

Alex Rodriguez is having a great year too, he has 22 HR's out of 90 hits, that is good. For his career he has 367 Home Runs, that is just plain filthy for his age. And his best number so far is 18 SB in 20 tries, he is a cleanup hitter.

The two best starters of the first half are both Senior circut guys, Ben Sheets and Jason Schmidt. Sheets has walked only 19 batters and fanned 130. His WHIP is .99 and hitters are hitting .200 against him. Those are great numbers, and Schmidts are better. He has thrown 3 one hitters and in 12 of his 17 starts he has given up 2 runs or less. Batters are hitting just .174 against him and his WHIP is .96. Those numbers are ridiculous. And one more pitchers numbers, Mariano Rivera has 32 saves and an ERA of 0.99.

Michael Young is the best player you have never heard of, he leads the majors in hits with 127. That outs him on pace for 240 hits. Since 1980 only 6 people have had more than 230 hits. The most hits Pete Rose ever had in a season is 230. This will put Michael Young in some lofty company.

Finally, something near and dear to me, the Jeter slump. He has raised his average to .277 after his early season struggles. Everything changed on May 25 when he was hitting .189, he got three hits that day and was on his way. From the season opener till May 25th Jeter had only 31 hits, since then he has 61 in 160 AB's. That puts his average at .381 since the end of May. During his slump he had only 2 3+ hit games and had 17 hitless games. Since he has had 9 3+ hit games and has gone hitless in only 5 games. So it looks like Jeter told everyone to "Slump This."

Those are just some fancy numbers from baseballs first half. There are sure to be some great moments in the 2nd half. Here are a few predictions, Carlos Beltran will be traded, Larry Bowa & Jimy Williams will not make it till seasons end, the Red Sox will soon fall apart, Randy Johnson will be moved (but look for a team like the Angels or Giants to get into the mix, so he can still be close to home), and the Braves will win the NL East again just to piss everyone off.

My Head hurts, and November is so far away

Now that I am all grown up and I understand things better I am always concerned with the political climate of my country. I try to gather as much information as I can and make rational decisions about candidates and issues I feel strongly about.
Such as terrorism, the war, the economy, and the state of education in this country (someone brought up stem cell research today, and I still have no idea what that is or why it is an "issue"). I have been trying to read and watch as much as I can about these men that are in line to run country for the next fours years, but honestly I cannot feel my brain anymore.

This years election promises to be one for the ages, an incumbent who may have ruined his shot at re-election in the same manner his father did a decade ago and a challenger who can't make up his mind most of the time, and who chose a vice presidential nominee whose political career spans a monumental 6 years. However, John Edwards lack of political experience may be a huge benefit in the minds of a lot of voters.

The big issue that this whole election is about is the War in Iraq and the war on Terror. Let's be honest with each other, some people will tell you the economic situation and unemployment rate are important, but take it from a guy who lives in the South most of the uneducated people in this country care more about which set of brown people we are going to bomb next. And these people love to get out and vote, mainly because they have the time because they have no jobs.

The question remains did Iraq pose and impending threat to the safety of this country and did they have WMD's. Well therein lies the problem, it all depends on who you believe. I watched a great interview on Meet the Press with Jay Rockerfeller (D) and Grant Roberts (R)(the 2 men heading up the inquiry into the intelligence departments findings in Iraq) about how the problem with the Presidents decision to go to war was the fact that the documents he was given about WMD's were completely made up. Something like 75% of the information in them was false, now we have the source of the problem, but digging to the root is a whole different issue. Senator Kerry will tell you that Dick Cheney bullied George Tenant and other Intelligence Department officials to make sure those documents supported a war. Republicans will tell you that the President was relying on the information he was given and acting in the best interest of the people. Keep in mind folks, what I have just written is a very brief synopsis of the whole problem. Now you see why my head hurts. Then my vision is going to get more murky when I go see Farenheit 9/11 this week.

What needs to happen in this country is someone needs to step forward and address issues like education on the homefront and then these problems will begin to work themselves out. I'll make a sports analogy for everyone; If I am playing football and the other team drops back to throw a 75 yard bomb and they complete the pass way downfield and then just before the guy gets in the endzone we miss an open field tackle and some yuck from the stands yells ahh crap we can't tackle. I first address the initial problem, why did we not get pressure on the QB, what happened in our coverage breakdown, then why did we miss the tackle.

We have millions of kids going through this country with no freaking idea about anything. Stupidity lead to ignorance and ignorance leads to hate and hate has an ugly way of working itself out, with things like I dunno terrorist bombings and then wars against people in countries whom 85% of America could not identify on a map. And another things no more having fucking babies, keep your legs closed ladies and men keep your dick in your pants sometimes. We have uneducated people with no jobs having children, who are bound t be uneducated and wind up with no job and then so on. If you have a kid and you have no job, boom You the girl and the child shot dead, simple solution, I know seems a bit radical but could that make things worse?

See why my head hurts, this rant started out about the election and has morphed into a bunch of non-sense about killing people. My whole point is when I try and learn stuff about these candidates and keep a level head about things it always seems like Lucy pulls the ball away just before I kick it, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

QUICKIE

I love the fact that I have some loyal readers, and even som assholes who just stumble upon this site. Howeve, I have just one complaint, if you are going to post a response please identify yourself by name, not by some fucking swing bag nickname. It takes like 5 seconds to sign up for an ID. Dann Price was able to sign up for an ID and he is 3 of the 5 stupidest people I know, so it cannot be that difficult.

I enjoy all the responses and wish that I could get even more, that way I know someone besides Martin, Dan (A Great Jew), Dann Price and The Great DArby Wayne Rich are reading this shit.

Thank you and have a fat day!!!

Kris DeBlasio

Movies, Movies, Movies!!

Another Friday Double Matinee today and I have plenty of news from my aisle side seat. First let me talk about white women, whom I saw plenty of at the movie theatre. I saw plenty of nice young ass and a few mothers that were worth throwing a bone too. But there is one inherent problem with white women, where the hell are their asses? I am so disgusted with white women flat pancake asses, to quote Cliff Klavin, "What's up wit dat?" A white women with an ass is kinda like a mule with a spinning wheel, nobody knows where she got it and danged if she knows how to use it.

Now to the movies, I saw Anchorman & King Arthur and it will be imperitave that you read both reviews, but first let me talk about the previews. Again there are just way to many of these things and most of them are for movies that suck. Catwomen, what could possibly be the appeal of this awful idea for a movie? And don't say Halle Berry in a cat suit, I have internet porn. Then I saw these two previews twice, one is some sort of buddy film with Seth Green, Dax Sheppard (the guy from Punk'd), and Mathew Lillard (the comic relief in the first Scream) and they meet Burt Reynolds in the woods while they are on some crazy adventure, I could not tell you any sort of plot. Then there is the diversity film, Harol & Kumar go to White Castle, again having a hard time trying to find a plot to this one, and every joke in it looks so unfunny I cannot imagine how anyone would make this film. Put it this way, the trailer to Kangaroo Jack looked ten times as good as the trailer to this film. Then a preview comes on where some government agency discovers a pyramid 2000 feet below the tundra surface of Antartica. So they have to go investigate and they find all corps and stuff and it seems like maybe a cool scary type movie, but for some reason when they get down there Alien and Predator show up and battle each other and the humans, I mean this trailer went from something that peaked my interest to something that I have no idea why these 2 80's movie creatures where hiding in a pyramid underneath Antartica? I am so confused on how someone can write this screenplay then prepare a treatment and present this to movie executives, and then the executives say, "sounds like a here is a billion dollars, make me a winner Johnny."

There are plenty of other bad ones coming out, but some that look good are The Bourne Supremecy (I liked the first one and I think Matt Damon is an excellent actor), a new Exorcist film which looks cool, The Village (which has a shot at being entertaining, even though it is a cross between Children of the Corn & Village of the Damned), and Collateral looks like it has a chance to be ok (I like Tom Cruise & Jamie Foxx)

Anchorman, let me be frank when I say this was an unadulterated piece of crap. I love Will Ferrell and think he is hilarious, but he missed his mark on this movie. I will give you what I think is the funniest part of the movie, right at the beginning this graphic appears; This is based on actual events. Only the names, location, and actual events have been changed for this film. I was the only person laughing at that, and then that was maybe the last time I laughed. Anyone who is a fan of Fred Willard stealing a movie with few lines then you will like this, he is great. Ferrell sidekicks in the movie are funny and the feud they have with Vince Vaughns news team is amusing. Ferrell's is by far the least entertaining person in the whole movie. It was like watching Ferrell & crew's first year of SNL when they just kept trying to be funny and you were praying for each skit to mercilessly be over. Dodgeball was way funnier and that was not very funny. I would totally not recommend this for anyone, people I am serious when I say save your money.

Next is King Arthur, which I though was well done. It was not great and it had some Braveheart type moments that were a little cheesy. It was a vastly different look at the Legend of Arhtur and his knights that has been portrayed on screen. There was not a huge deal with Merlin and all the sorcery or Guinevere and her slutiness. It focused on the knights and their quest to fulfill their duties. It showed the first origins of the legend of Arthur (the 5th century version) where he battles the Saxons and it is torn between his allegiences to Rome and to his Woad (Britania native) tradition. If you are a fan of the whole tale of Arhtur and the like then I feel you will enjoy this movie. It is a good watch at the theatre and his something that will not leave you totally dissappointed like say, Anchorman.

Teachers & Student's Oh My!!

WARNING This blog could be a little blue, so for adults or dirtbags only.

I was having a casual conversation with a friend of mine (A good Jew, Dan, not A Great Jew however) and the subject people being involved in inappropraite sexual relationshipd with minors came about. He turned me on to a case in Florida recently, where a 23 year old female teacher was fired for having sed relationship with a 14 yr old male student.

I did some research on this on my own and discovered that he was in fact telling the truth, and to boot the women is very attractive. While in college she was a model for a local car magazine. She also happens to be married, although not happily I presume, since she was boinking a 14 year old. Hell 14 year olds barely have pubic hair and this lady was doing the horizontal tango with one. What is worse about this whole thing is the way she got caught was his cousin told the authorities, what a fucking dick. I would strangle this guy.

Now I know I speak for most of the men that read this and say where the heck was this chick when I was in High School. Do you have any idea how many times I had to pleasure myself, when instead I could have been getting some nookie on the side from a 23 year old. Geez I mean it took numerous date with women just to touch their boobies back then. Maybe I just had my head up my ass throughout high school or was too busy discussing with my boyz when the next time we were gonna get high or drunk was. Someone tell me did this kind of shit exist when we were in school? I mean I have the unfortunate pleasure of knowing a lot of people and nobody I know has ever broken this fantastic news to me about their own high school experience.

This lady is now on administrative leave and presumably will be fired for being a sexual predator, which I guess is the right thing. But if a man had committed this same "lude" act he would be villified all over the TV and internet, seen as a sickly and depraved human being. Just a little double standard I wanted to make sure you were aware of.

What happened to America we used to have moral and values, but it seems we have thrown them out the window and caught a slow boat to Sex Island. Only one problem you assholes forgot to tear me away from my PS2 when this boat was leaving, and now I am stranded on "Choke the Chicken" Island.

Yes I have a sick sense of humor, but hey get over it. This website is purely for entertainment purposes only, anyone who takes any of what I said seriously needs their head examined, preferably by a proctologist!

The Daily Nooner

What is the deal with Poker? Do we need 17 poker shows on television, are we this enthralled by a card game? People insult Golf and say it is boring, well then what the hell is poker. Now the game show network is having celebrity Black Jack, woo hoo I can't wait for this, second rate celebrities playing black jack. We have officially hit a new low in American television.

I read a terrific article today about wild Leopards mauling people to death in the streets of Bombay. Basically what has happened is these people believe so little in birth control that the population of Bombay has stretched the city limits into the forest region which borders the city. By doing so they have decreased the food source for predators like Leopards, so the leopards have decided to start killing people in their yards and in the streets. The leopards have done away with 14 people so far this year. Sometimes I wonder why I am happy I live in America, and this would qualify as a good reason, I do not have to worry about constant leopard attacks.

AND

In my quest to know more about our Independence day I will share every once in awhile some facts about the men who signed the Declaration of Independence. Here is the story of Richard Stockton, born in NJ and educated at the College of New Jersey (Princeton) he had one of the most successful law pratices in the colonies. He was elected to the Supreme Court of NJ and then was named to the Continental Congress to vote for succession from England. However, he decided to wait till the last minute to vote, because he believed in hearing all the arguments first. When the British invaded NJ he was captured and treated poorly as a prisoner of war. When released he had nothing and soon after died a pauper basically on the streets of Princeton in 1781. A true American patriot, Richard Stockton, signer of the Declaration of Independence.

July 4, 1776

Today across this great country people will be celebrating the birth of a nation. And how will Americans celebrate, well with consumption of everything they can get their hands on. Fireworks, Hot Dogs, Pig Roasts, Coors Light, Sun Tan Lotion and whatever else we can get our hands on. But again it seems that most Americans lose sight of what is really important, how and by whom this great land was found.

Most people can quote you part of the Declaration of Independence usuaully from the beginning about all men being created equal or the rights to pursue life, liberty and happiness, but it is the end of this document where the fore fathers of this country lay out their intentions and the foundation of this country:

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Then after the document concludes it is signed by representatives from each colony, 56 signees in total. Of those orginal 13 colonies I have lived in three of them (NJ, PA, SC) and 18 signees of the Declaration are from those three states. Out of those 18 I have heard of three of them; Ben Franklin for obvious reasons and Richard Stockton (NJ) & Robert Morris (PA) only because they have universities named after them. But otherwise I know nothing about these men or so many others that participated in this monumental event.

On this day, July 4, 2004, I have dedicated to myself that I am going to begin to learn more about each of these 56 men. These 56 men are our "fore fathers" whom we so often refer to when we want to seem intelligent or get involved in a political discussion, but so many of us know so little about them. So it is my charge to all my friends and people across this country to please learn more about these men, this countries history, and at this time of crossroads in our nation lets use our brains to help lead us to become the greatest nation that any civilization has ever seen.

Peace & Love,

KD

The Kids aren't Alright

Okay I have been locked away in a dormatory with a bunch of teenage girls at a basketball camp in the mountains of Virginia, and I have emerged a more sullen and bitter man.

We often had times at the camp to talk with the girls about their favorite Musical Artist, Movies, TV shows, etc. And this got me thinking, all kids should die. We had a girl at the camp named Rachel Leak, but she looked like a Kelly, so I called her Kelly Leak (referring to the great movie The Bad News Bears) of course she did not get it. I then asked if she had ever heard of the movie, and she said no, then asked if she knew who Walter Mathau was and she said no. What is wrong with this people, are they only allowed to see Vin Diesel movies? And don't give me that crap that all this shit happened before she was born, I have seen North by Northwest (1959) with Cary Grant, Some Like it Hot (1959) with Marilyn Monroe, On the Waterfront (1954) & Streetcar Named Desire (1951)with Marlon Brando, and Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) with William Holden.

Now we get to music which sickens me even more. We got engaged in a discussion on our favortie musical artist an/or Group. Now of course most of these kids could not narrow something like that down, because they had not watched MTV for 2-3 days so some 20 something no talent ass clown host had not told them which band they had to like today. So one girl started talking about Dashboard Confessionals, which first of all sounds more like a Album Title, Song Title, or chessy rip off of the HBO orignal series Taxicab Confessionals, but I digress. I agreed to listen to this CD if they listened to music of my choosing. They agreed to listen to one Rap/Hip Hop and one say Rock artist. So the Rap was easy, when people who have not been expose to true Rap/Hip Hop you simply pull out 1991's The Low End Theory by A Tribe Called Quest(the premium blend of Jazz beats and music with heavy lyrics), top to bottom one of the 4 or 5 most complete albums of all time. Then we talked about whatelse I could give them and we agreed on some Bruce Springsteen, now while some of you on here may not like the fella, if you have ever heard his Nebraska album you would have to agree that lyrically it is one of the most powerful albums ever. The pictures he paint are so vivid and the theme of the times (the deprssion laden middle class of the post inflation Jimmy Carter era) is so accurately portrayed. So they listend, and then gaver the CD's back to me and said that the thought Tribe sounded like the Spice Girls, and they didn't understand what Bruce was talking about. Lyrically they were blown away by the music, mainly cause today's music ios all about a look and a video which is sucha damned shame.

Oh and by the way the CD they gave me was 100% trash, just plain awful. I will have more on this camp at a later time.