With the 20th pick.....

Yes the time has arrived, another addition of the NBA draft diary. I do this every year just to prove to my constituents that I have absolutely no life, and this is the most exciting thing that will happen to me all summer.

9am-1pm- I spend the better part of my work day perusing over draft reports to official confirm that I still have no idea who Andrea Bargnani is and that Patrick O’Bryant still is a poor mans Samuel Dalembert.

1:02- I hear on the radio the first official Allen Iverson trade rumors; these won’t die all night long

4:17- I get an IM from a friend questioning the talent of Tyrus Thomas. Listen David, you are not the only one with those questions.

7:08- Ok baby, I am at my official draft headquarters (the home of Coach and Mrs. Barry Sanderson). And the chili cheese dip has just come out of the oven, easily the best thing that will happen all night long. Also we have seen the Adam Morrison “I cried” commercial for the first time officially tonight

7:13- Finally someone miked up Dick Vitale so I can hear him scream about Tyrus Thomas’s “upside.”

7:30- Seconds before the draft is to begin, we see the “I cried” commercial again, #2.

7:37- Moments after selecting Bargnani ESPN gives a look inside the Raptors “war room” where we see the most staged handshake and hugging on camera since Arafat and Rabin.

7:42- The crowd promptly boos the Bulls being on the bored, because it should be the Knicks who get to watch Tyrus Thomas miss jump shots.

7:46- Brian Colangelo just said the word minutia during the NBA draft. I don’t know who is more confused, Stephen A. Smith or the thousands of double digit IQ’ed basketball fans watching at home who have never heard that word before.

7:56- Tyrus Thomas was just selected and traded to the Bulls as expected. What wasn’t expected was the man crushing orgy that Jay Bilas just had when describing Thomas’s talent. I think Bilas needs to go have a smoke and change his underpants.

8:01- Shelden Williams goes to the Hawks and now instant ACC analysis from the ACC Commissioner Dick Vitale.

8:05- Thank the Lord, the Adam Morrison commercial is on again, #3.

8:11- Jay Bilas has easily breeched protocol by awarding Randy Foye next season’s rookie of the year before he has even been picked.

8:16- One of my favorite draft moments, Foye gets drafted hugs grandma first than some slick looking white guy who is presumably his agent, I love that.

8:17- Mark Jones interviewing Villanova Head Coach Jay Wright, how good is that guys tans.

8:28- Rudy Gay has finally been drafted. Dicky V. just praised Gay for being a workaholic. Huh? Where the hell has Vitale been? That is the biggest knock on the guy, shut up Vitale, stick to evaluating ACC guys.

8:29- The Warriors select Patrick O’Bryant. Do they ever wonder why they are always picking in the lottery?

8:36- Finally, Sair Sene has been drafted and emerged from the crowd to walk on stage and shake hands with the commish.

8:42- JJ Redick fits in nicely in Orlando, let’s go to instant analysis from JJ’s Uncle, Dicky V.

8:48- Hilton Armstrong, also from the crowd emerges to climb up on stage.

8:54- For the 3rd time in the last 4 picks the player emerges from the crowd, Switzerland’s favorite son Thabo Sefelosha.

9:00- Congratulations to Ronnie Brewer, you get to go to Utah, and you have easily the worst suite in the draft.

9:04- Cedric Simmons gets picked, I wish I knew anything about him. I know so little about him I can’t even make a good joke.

9:06- Marcus Williams still sitting in the green room. He’s falling faster than a Tibetan serape at Mt. Everest summit base camp.

9:23- And another random foreign dude from the crowd Olexsiy Pecherov, #4.

9:27- It has been almost an hour and half since the Adam Morrison commercial, I am going through withdrawal.

9:29- The Kings select Rutgers Quincy Douby, and David Stern puts in shameless plug for RU. And now the Knicks are on the clock.

9:32- Screaming Knick fans are attempting to be interviewed by Mark Jones. They want Steve Francis gone and they want Marcus Williams now, they need a passing Point guard for sure.


Now this is when all hell broke loose at the Sanderson household and in my diary. I actually have no more entries in my diary because David Stern said, with the 20th pick the 2006 NBA Draft the New York Knicks select…………..Renaldo Balkman from the University of South Carolina.

My Knicks. My Rey Rey.

I was absolutely stunned when Stern uttered those words. Listen, I love everything about Renaldo’s game. Obviously, nobody has seen him play more than I have. He does have a great amount of ability and enthusiasm, but his game lacks a certain type of refinement for the NBA right now. But leave it to Isiah to what he wants to, you can say this about Isiah he doesn’t give in to public opinion. Because if so, he would have hung himself long ago.

I am torn about this pick. I am so happy for Rey that he got picked as high and gets guaranteed money, but as a Knicks fan I need to truly evaluate the pick and its value. As a Knicks fan I am somewhat disappointed, Balkman was a second round guy according to everyone’s expert opinion. Couldn’t the Knicks have chosen him later in the draft and drafted Marcus Williams in this spot, yes I believe so. What was Isiah thinking? Now I know some people will tell me Isiah has drafted well in the past, but I am still not a believer.

Before that pick the analysts agreed that the Knicks needed to make some sort of splash, as Stephen A. Smith was saying they need a dog, someone to bring excitement, someone to get in others faces. Well I can say this, Balkman is that type of guy. If Rey is coming down the lane, and Shaq is there, Rey will try and climb him and dunk the ball. Then when Shaq throws him to the ground, Rey will get up on his face. Balkman has a chance to endear himself to New York fans, he is there type of player. He will get down and dirty, he can be a junkyard dog.

Overall, I think it was a D+ pick as of right now. Rey needs to go in and prove himself and prove Isiah right. As much as New York fans can be harsh, if you come in and help them win and play your ass off you will become a favorite.

An A-Bomb from A-Rod

Yeah yeah, I know the draft was last night and there is a draft diary forthcoming. I just wanted to let all the loyal fans know that the draft diary will be posted by the end of the day. The Wisdom offices were in absolute chaos after what happened at the 20th pick. Remember the beginning of the Iraq war; Shock & Awe, BABY!!!!

So everyone’s least favorite Hall of Fame baseball player crushed a walk off homerun yesterday afternoon, but typical for A-Rod it comes only hours before one of the most controversial and talked about Knicks draft selection in history. Of course the New York papers will mention A-Rods walk off in passing on their way to writing insulting columns about Renaldo Balkman and Isiah Thomas. However, if A-Rod would have grounded into a double play in that situation it would have been on the front page of the paper, and the draft may even have been cancelled that way the newspapers could dedicate all their time to ripping A-Rod.

But we are going to dive into the A-Rod Dilemma at a later date. It is something that definitely needs to be talked about. But just a few numbers for A-Rod haters to chew on; with his walk off job yesterday A-Rod is now second in the AL in Go Ahead/Game Winning RBI and last season he and Papi were tied for go ahead/game winning HR’s at 17.

Again, tune in later this afternoon for the most explosive, mind numbing edition of the NBA Draft Diary.

Is the Draft Important?

Kris is bored, so very very bored. So I decided to dive into the numbers and see what I could pull out of them to examine if tonights NBA Draft is actually important, or is it just cool to say things like, "HEY YO, JUST PICK MACIEJ LAMPE ALREADY!!!!" What I decided to do was look at the past two NBA Championships series and examine how those teams aquired their players and where they may have been drafted. I took the 12 man rosters of the Pistons, Spurs, Heat, and Mavericks and found some interesting numbers.

Out of the 48 players, 26 of them were drafted in the Lottery, that is 54%. Tha would seem to mean having a lottery pick is helpful when building your team into a championship contender. However, out of those 54% only four were with the team that drafted them in the lottery. Those four players are Tim Duncan of San Antonio, Devin Harris of Dallas, and Dwayne Wade of Miami and Darko Milicic of Detroit. The only other guy that sort of counts is Dirk Nowitzki who was drafted by the Milwaulkee Bucks but promptly traded to Dallas for Robert Traylor and a laundry basket full of dirty socks. Basically 90% of the guys who were lottery picks were somebody else's draft choice, but through the course of time have all wound up on a team together. Less than 30% of the players on these four teams are on their original team. Whether it be through free agency or picks after the lottery only 14 of the 48 players are on their first franchise. The average amount of teams that all of these 48 players have played for is 3 per person.

Some may say, well there are always a bunch of journeymen on the bench and that is why the numbers get skewed that way. Out of the 20 starters less than half (9) are still with their first team. The Spurs and Mavericks each seem to have somewhat solid organizations both having three starters a piece being original members (Duncan, Parker, Ginobili & Nowitzki, Howard, Harris). The Pistons are th biggest culprits taking players from other squads. There only homegrown player is the quiet man Tayshaun Prince. Menawhile, Billups is on his 5th team, Rasheed his 4th, Big Ben his 3rd and Rip his 2nd.

However, the guys who are moving merchandise are more likely to be lottery picks. Just take this years All-Star game for example; only 4 of the 24 players were non lottery picks. Tony Parker and Jermaine O'Neal were late first round picks, Gilbert Arenas a second rounder and Ben Wallace an undrafted Free Agent. The rest of the All-Stars were all lottery picks and most of them very high lottery picks. In fact 6 of the All-Star lottery picks are so good their teams could not even climb into the playoffs; Kevin Garnett, Yao Ming, Tracey McGrady, Allen Iverson, Paul Pierce and Chris Bosh all got a to watch the playoffs on there HD 64 inch Flat Screens.

While high lottery picks may move the meter, sell some merchandise and get you an All-Star, it is certainly not imperative to have a high lottery pick to have a successful squad. Those are the teams that are winning, the ones who can combine good draft choices with smart free agent singings, and the occasional trade.

Random Trivia Question: What is the most common last name in the NBA, and how many players share that name?

Why we Hatin on Whitey?

Why is there always the white guy backlash in the sport of basketball? I would think more people would cheer for the white guy. Why is every white guy unathletic and the next Larry Bird, John Stockton, or Pete Maravich? What have Adam Morrison and JJ Redick done specifically to so many peoples that makes them unlikeable and everyone able to predict their imminent demise in the NBA? Why are we so pessamisitic when it comes to white guys, and these two specifically? You know what really kills me, is so much of this white man backlash comes from just that, the damned white man.

Well to answer some of my questions, two people way smarter than me have already written an article describing why we associate a white player with other former white players. In order to get some more information I suggest you check out the Page 2 Article Chuck Klosterman (A Fucking Genius & perhaps the best writer of his generation) wrote in conjunction with Malcolm Gladwell (author of Blink & The Tipping Point) called "White like Larry." You may need to be an ESPN insider in order to read the article.

But basically it shoots down the myth that Morrison and Bird are akin to one another, that most people simply say that because they are asimilar looking white guys. There are vast differences bewtween Bird and Morrison. First of all coming out of college Bird was clearly a better player, more complete all around. Bird was an hellacious rebounder, a killer on the boards. As well, Bird was perhaps one of the 2 or 3 bets passers of his generation, and defnesively he was stronger than Morrison especially being able to guard people inside. Now I know everyone is going to also tell me how much better of a shooter Larry Bird was, but to me there is not that much of a difference. Birds shooting has been mostly romatancized over time and become that of legend rather than factual. Although that legend grows from the fact that he made shots when they counted the most in crunch time and then of course there is the legendary first ever 3 pt shooting competition. Now again I am not trying to say Morrison is a better shooter, but to jsut blurt out and say Bird is a much better shooter can sound a little pretentious, especially after comparing the numbers:
Bird- FG% .496 3pt% .376 FT% .886
Morrison- FG% .503 3pt% .368 FT% .766
I know you will all say it is impossible to compare those numbers because it is college versus the NBA, but right now that is all we have to go on, so we must compare those if we want to have a sense of their similarties or differences.

I think you can compare Bird and Morrison, but I do not think they are exactly similar. I like to try and compare players who are still in the league. Morrison reminds me a lot of Richard Hamilton. He has some questions marks coming out of college, though overall he seems like a complete player. Morrison works tirelessly on the offensive end, much like Hamilton. They both can score in a variety of ways; off the dribble, going oall the way top the hoop, with the standstill look off of a screen. Some people were just born to put the ball in the basket and I have always thought Hamilton was one of those people, and it seems to me Morrison is the same way. I am not saying he is going to be a star, but I know he will be able to score ont he next level.

As for JJ Redick, after his recent drunk driving arrest, the list of people who like him is down to about 10 people in the entire country. It seems to me that Redick had to answer all of these same questions when he was enetering college as well. They said that he was justa shooter, that he couldn't put the ball on the floor. He was not big enough to shoot over people and was not strong enough to get himself open. Listen, the guy can flat out shoot the basketball, and I don't care how good you are from deep, if you score 27 ppg you are doing more than just making jumpshots and free throws. He made three 3 pointers a game, and 6 free throws per game. That is a total of 15 points, which means he is making an average of six 2 pt field goals per game. So his game is more than just standing outside bombing away three pointers. The guy is a talented offensive ball player, and if you can shoot it there is always a place for you in the league. Just ask guys like Kyle Korver, Damon Jones, Mike Miller, Matt Carroll, Rasual Butler and James Jones. All of those guys can stand out there and bomb it, and when on the right team it seems to work perfectly. And the one team that seems to really like Redick is the Houston Rockets, which to me would seem like a great fit. You have Yao in the middle and McGrady able to penetrate opffensively, just tell Redick to ge his ass in the corner and have his hands ready.

Again, I am not sayin either one of these guys is going to be superstars. But I just don't understand why so many people creat so many negative arguments against them. Both of these guys are highly skilled offensive ball players, and like I said there is always a need for that int he league. I honestly think they are both going to have solid careers, Redick about a 12-15 per game scorer and I think Morrison could end his career at about 18-20 a game and has the chance to be an exceptional offensive weapon, I just hope his health is able to hold up, that is his biggest qwuestion mark, his longevity.

Yes we will be returning with a draft diary, I believe I may even be at a draft party. So expect the "Upside Potential" counter to be back in

Speechless

Seriously, I am absolutely speechless.

And no I am not talking about the embarrassing performance of our national socceer team (by the way our "national" teams have not been so hot as of late in international competition).

No, it is the New York Knickerbockers which leave me dumbfounded. Noah Webster does not have enough adjectives to describe my confusion over this once proud franchise. In a move that was expected (but you hoped would never really happen) Isiah Thomas has fired Larry Brown and hired himself as coach of the team.

Is anybody awake? Did you just read what I wrote. Thomas hired himself, yes himself as coach!! What? Was Larry Brown's Hall of Fame coaching background too good for the Knicks? Now, while I agree Brown did a fair job with this team this past season, Brown with one foot in the grave is light years better than Isiah Thomas. How can one man, well two men (James Dolan), continually do things that everyone else knows are wrong and get away with it is unbelievable. Nobody, experts, fans, reporters, little children in Malaysia who know nothing about the NBA, thinks that any of this moves, most especially this one improves your team or franchise in any way shape or form.

This thing has gone on long enough. I am in terrible fear of Thomas's safety in New York. He could get shot or stabbed to death very soon, now I am not saying I am going to do it but some loon out there might. I will give Thomas this piece of advice, don't go strolling through the

The Weekend Wrap 6/16-6/19 (Extended Edition)

Things we learned:

The Miami Heat have a little more resolve than most people where giving them credit for about a week ago. After the first two games in Dallas most people had given the Heat up for dead, except one group of people; the guys in the Heat locker room. Everyone started talking about sweep, or if the Heat could at least steal one game in their own building, so they were not totally embarrassed. Well it looks as if the tables have turned, it is the Mavericks who are reeling, complaining about officiating, and look lost on the court during crunch time. Dwayne Wade is a one man show, and his supporting cast, including Shaq, are doing exactly what they need to do. Can the close this thing out tonight, or will we have a Game 7. Like I always say, a series doesn’t start until the home team loses.

Major League baseball inter-league play may have finally run its course. Could this provide any less pop for baseball right now? Now I guess than can keep playing these meaning less series, watching the Royals square off with the Astros is no different than watching them square off with the Mariners I guess. But in the past inter-league play has been there as a spark plug in the month of June, something to get people re-energized about the game, at a time when it is about to hit its stride with the All-Star game coming up and the month of July where it is the only game in town. However, this year, it gave me nothing. I barely recognized that baseball was one; with World Cup fever, the NBA and NHL Finals being compelling and the US Open happening who had time for Indians v. Brewers. I hate to be all New York about it, but at this point Yankees/Mets is about the only thing that still provides some ratings. I guess Cubs/White Sox and even A’s/Giants and Dodgers/Angels is okay, but stop try to contrive these false regional rivalries like Tigers/Brewers. Neither of those teams could give a shit about the other.

Things I liked:

The US Open was very good this weekend. And yes I watched almost every second of coverage, that is of course when I myself was not hitting them around like I did every day this weekend. Both of the major story lines of the open I liked, the Mickelson collapse (so Normanesque) and Geoff Ogilvy winning. If Mickelson would have went ahead and won the tournament it would have been kind of boring, watching him fire away pars and take home the title like he did at Augusta, though impressive, not real exciting. Instead you saw a little bit of old Phil, the guy we fell in love with, creep out and try to dominate the tournament instead of just merely winning it. At this point he is the best golfer in the world; he won the last two majors finished second here and has two other tour wins this year. He knows he is the best (for him something like money is no option, he will make the Ryder Cup team) so why not go out and try to dominate. His career is already validated with three majors, he may not win a whole bunch more but one time he wanted to try and win by a wide margin so people could look back and say “wow, remember that time Phil won by 4 strokes on that impossible Sunday at Winged Foot?” I respect a guy for trying to do that, fuck being conservative, all of you assholes would have hauled at driver too and tried to strike fear in Ogilvy as he sat in the bunker hoping to get up and down. And secondly, I liked the fact that Geoff Ogilvy stepped forward and played a great tournament to win. For the past 4 or so years we have been waiting for some of these young golfers to break through and being a consistent challenger on the Major stage. Well Ogilvy now has the Match play championship and a Major title under his belt, so he may now have the confidence to be a serious contender for years to come at Majors. We have been waiting for Sergio, Adam Scott, Charles Howell III and others to step forward, and it was Ogilvy who did. In fact on Friday mornings coverage Johnny Miller (who may be the most annoying golf announcer ever, I was wishing I could hear David Ferherty) reported that many veterans thought Ogilvy was a serious contender to win the title.

Things I disliked:

Oh crap here we are going to talk World Cup soccer, so if that makes you queasy, I
would skip this paragraph. Now Martin (and other soccer geeks lurking) I am not going to give my normal rant I why I hate soccer and how I could care less that poor people all over the world like it. No, I have given this World Cup a chance just like I do every World Cup, especially since I was duped into thinking the USA was any good at this shit. Herein lies the problem with this sport and that is all the melodramatic injury bullshit which intern leads to the awful officiating. Yes there is a direct cause and effect here. And yes the officiating is atrocious. Now some FIFA dude will give you the rhetoric that there are no more cards being handed out this year than in the previous few cups but that is not the point, it is when and to whom the cards are given. If they have a direct effect on the outcome of almost every game then there is a problem. Referees are not the show, in any sport, most especially soccer where the wield and unbelievable amount of power, by being able to eliminate players from a game as easily as they can. In most sports player conduct for being ejected is specifically outlined (i.e. throwing of equipment in baseball is an automatic ejection). In World Cup soccer it is totally subjective and follows no path of logic. One of the things that helps lead to this poor officiating is the over reaction of ever piece of Euro-trash who plays the game. It is clear that this is more a European trait rather than a sport specific one; just look at all the great floppers in the NBA, guys like Vlade Divac, Peja Stoikavic, and Manu Ginobili (yes Ginobili is an Argentinean citizen, however he was born in Italy of Italian descent and played most of his professional career there). But what happens in soccer is an outrage. Six times during the USA/Italy match a greasy bastard from Italy was carried off on a stretcher, in three instances the guy being carried off was already unstrapping himself before he made it to the sidelines. In every case the player was miraculously healed (I can only assume they had some bath water from Lourdes) within moments, and ready to check back into the game. How many Americans were carried off on stretchers, zero. In fact the one American (one player for that matter) who was truly injured walked off under his own power clutching his bloody face, had it stitched up like a hokey player and returned to play the rest of the game. But what officials see is all these Italian players getting “injured” and thinking that the Americans must be doing something dirty, when in fact on one Yellow Card the American player never made contact with the Italian player. But the reaction of these players leads to the officials having to make calls, and now I understand there is a certain amount of “gamesmanship” that goes into all. Not unlike acting like you fouled a ball off your foot or moaning as you get a slight bump in a basketball game to help draw a foul. But the way it is gone about in soccer is stupid. They need to institute a stretcher rule. If you can taken off on a stretcher you have to spend 5 minutes out of the game, obviously with no replacement. Let’s see how many guys would call for the stretcher then.

Yes I am one who tells everyone to watch the new NBA and appreciate the stars we now have, and stop complaining about how things aren’t like the good ole days. And while most of the time I believe that, this years finals provided one instance where I have to agree with all the old timers. What happened to some hard nosed physical play? Jerry Stackhouse got suspended for an entire game for a flagrant foul on Shaq, what load of bullshit. Hey baby, its playoff time, somebody is going to get knocked on their ass. But David Stern has pussified the NBA so the hard foul is now taken out of the game. Should Stack have been assessed a flagrant foul and thrown out of that game, sure he should have, but to suspend him for Game 5 is ridiculous.

Oh know, here we go again, the fucking Oakland A’s have won 10 games in a row (that streak was snapped last night). Now all summer we have to hear about how great money ball is, and how Billy Bean is the smartest man alive. Baseball analysts are going to break down how the A’s are the hottest team ever, and how great their pitching is. Here is the factoid of the day, the last time the Oakland A’s won a playoff series America had no yet invaded Iraq, the first time, Barry Lamar Bonds only had 117 career homeruns, and Derek Jeter was a Junior in high school.

Top 10 Funniest Movies

10) Groundhog Day- “Rise and shine, campers, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.”
Bill Murray was at his absolute best in this film. Never has his sardonic wit played better than as a man living the same day over and over again. At first the movie seems to hokey to work well, but somehow Murray keeps producing funny moments throughout the film. This is one comedy were all the humor comes from basically one person, every other character (sans Punxatawney Phil) plays the straight man, from Chris Elliott & Andie McDowell too all the citizens of that western Pennsylvania village.


09) Dumb and Dumber- “I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.”
Two indelible characters entered the landscape with this movie, Harry and Lloyd. Some comedies border on the absurd, this one leaped across that line in production. The misadventures of Harry & Lloyd on their cross country trip are legendary. From encounter and angry Cam Neely (Sea Bass) in a coffee shop, getting pulled over for drunk driving by Harland Williams, and of course trading the van for a moped. And just when you had absolutely laughed your ass off and you thought yeah these guys are dumb, but maybe not that dumb, the end scene with the bikini team bus confirms the name of the movie on last time, Dumb and Dumber.


08) Office Space- “We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.”
Mike Judge who is mostly lamented for having created Beavis & Butt Head, also made the seminal satire of corporate America. Never have the trials and tribulations of the cubicle working American (some of whom read this site) been portrayed with such sincism and wit. Peter and his pals decide to rip off their company before they get dumped, and then in the ultimate form of recompense the office burns down before their confession letter can be discovered, that is the American Dream.

07) Blazing Saddles- “Hey, where the white women at?” & “Excuse me while I whip this out.”
The tale of a black sheriff hired to clean up a corrupt old west city, doesn’t sound like high comedy to you, huh? Well in the hands of Mel Brooks it is pure genius. Few movies have proved so many memorable scenes, quotes, and character names. Who can forget Mongo punching out the horse? Then there was the town’s drunk/hero The Waco Kid, the damsel Ms. Lili Von Shtupp, and the corrupt Hedley Lamar. This movie is quintessential Mel Brooks during the hay day of his movie career; Blazing Saddles is the best “western” comedy ever. Put it this way, if you can watch Blazing Saddles and not laugh check your pulse.

06) Old School- “True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.”
A bare bone back to basics no holds barred frat comedy. Old School was refreshing delight brought to us after so many weak ass romantic comedies of the late 90’s which seemed to be the norm. The frat humor is an homage to classics like Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds and Porkys. Will Ferrell has his best movie role ever as Frank the Tank. The comedy triad of Vince Vaughn, Luke Wilson, and Ferrell is perfect in this movie, they all play their roles perfectly. Old School reminds us that there is some party animal left in all of us, no matter how old we get or how many children we have; the old saying goes “Boys will be boys.”

05) Vacation- “Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.”
It is hard to determine if one of the Vacation series should be on the list, or if they should be included all together. I decided to go with the original because it is Chevy Chase at his finest, the bumbling father/ Clark “Sparky” Griswold. This movie is certainly the most relatable to everyone, we have all had the very forgettable family vacation where absolutely nothing went right. Unfortunately for the Griswolds, this was only the first in many misadventures. The original Vacation still stands today as the funniest of the series, I just watched it about 3 weeks ago with a group of friends and discovered two new hilarious lines that I had never heard before.

04) History of the World: Part I- “It's good to be the king!”
In this classic history lesson Mel Brooks takes no prisoners. He satireizes everyone; the Jews, the Catholics, the Romans, the Spanish, the French etc. The 14 minute musical number known as “The Inquisition” is laugh out loud roll on the floor funny. Again Brooks has the ability to make us laugh at things that you never thought would be funny, but he goes so over the edge that every moment of the movies leaves you wanting more; including the epilogue of the movie which spoofs a sequel of itself.

03) Airplane!- “I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.”
This movie is the original “spoof” comedy. And it is also that best spoof comedy, and not because it is the original. From the very first moment of the movie you have to be on your toes and ready to laugh at non-traditional jokes such as; the loading zone announcements, win just one for the zipper and countless others. Airplane! spawned a whole genre of spoof movies and still stands as the classic original. Just think of all the Airplane! lines you can do with your friends and still laugh.

02) Animal House- “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
Much like Airplane! started the spoof era, Animal House is the ultimate in “frat” humor. The tale of the Delta House’s reign of terror on the campus and town of Faber is the stuff of legend. All of us in college wished that our misadventures could measure up to those of Bluto and D-Day. This is the movie that catapulted John Belushi into legendary status and he does not disappoint in this film. Again this movie has more classic scenes and lines to name. Is there a more awful, yet hilarious scene, then when Otter pretends to be the boyfriend of a female coed who was just killed at nearby Dickinson College? That is raunchy humor at its finest.

01) Caddyshack- “You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?”
Really there isn’t much that needs to be said about Caddyshack. When you have Dangerfield, Chase and Murray all at their peak you can’t help but have a winner. Everything about this movie is classic, every scene memorable. The scene in the movie with Ty Webb and Carl Spackler (Chase & Murray) may be the funniest 10 minutes in screen history.


Others receiving votes: Slapshot, The Aristocrats, Fletch, Trading Places, The Blues Brothers, American Pie, Dr. Strangelove, Best in Show, Rushmore, Clerks, The Big Lebowski, The Jerk, Stripes, Christmas Vacation, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Young Frankenstein, and Annie Hall

Big Ben, Parliment

Like an idiot I decided to take on the task of my daily musings and rambling right smack dab in the middle of basketball camp. And of course, what I have to say in no way pleases Andrew Zoltan, well pal, suck on it! Yes Mr. Zoltan we missed some big events, but things like my baseball previews I assumed went largely ignored, plus I couldn’t have been less excited for the baseball season this year. You know why I was not excited, no Steroids, I mean “hey, what’s up with that?”

That of course brings us to the Jason Grimsley saga. To me it is mostly a non story. I can sum most of it up here for you though, if you would like. Almost 5 years ago there was a guy telling anyone who would listen all about the entire steroid/performance enhancement problem in the game of baseball. He would go on radio shows, talk shows, heck he even wrote a book (for those who can still read). What happened when he was telling everyone this? They said he was a fool, bitter because he was no longer part of the game. That man’s name was Jose Canseco, and he told all of you about it, you just chose not to listen. Heck, even everybody’s poster child for non steroid/performance enhancement use Albert Pujols may be going down soon, but nobody will talk about that because we all like him (his personal trainer and junior college baseball coach was the dude who was Grimsley’s trainer who was mailing the goods to him). Of course the moment Barry Bonds trainer was rumored to be indicted by federal authorities we jumped all over him calling him a juicer (which he was, though we still have no proof). Now Pujols trainer has the same type of allegations coming against him on the heels of the biggest power surge of Pujols career (and subsequent muscle injury common to users of performance enhancing substances). Again, we all love Pujols so we can’t think anything bad about him.

Just to set the record straight, I in no way hate lemons; I just hate when they put them in my water.

However, all that useless business now behind us the big news of the day is that of Super Bowl Champion Ben Rothlisbeger’s motorcycle accident. Apparently he cracked himself up pretty good, and now the debate rages on about whether or not he should be wearing a helmet. Well of course he should that is a dumb question to ask. But people want to know if he has a “greater” responsibility to the Steeler organization. Most people think he does and that he should not be participating in risky activities such as riding a bike sans protection. Well what is the difference in Rothlisberger’s obligation to his company and my obligation to mine? I don’t think there is any different. My employer expects me to be here on a daily basis and perform my duties as assigned, no different than a professional football player. Does that mean that my employer should try and limit the risk taking activities I participate in outside of work? What right does my employer have to do this? Again, a lot of professional athletes do sign contracts where it states what they can and can’t do off the field. But if it where me I don’t think I would sign something like that, to me it violates my freedom as a bungee jumping American.

The Daily Nooner 6/8/06

As most of you know, my long nights of partying and get wasted are way behind me now. Over that past few years I have had a handful of drinks. Well here is a bad idea, to do that for about 2-3 years and then one random Wednesday night get totally shipwrecked. It makes for a long Thursday. It made for a long Wednesday night, too. It is never good when you wake up in the morning still dressed in your bed, but realize you have somehow come home without underpants. That is an odd, drunk night.

I think it was this winter, when I was visiting my parents for Christmas, I was talking to my oldest brother about the conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of President Kennedy. I am a huge conspiracy believer in all kinds of random things, but my brother is certainly a skeptic. And the reason he told me he is always a skeptic of conspiracies is that, “nobody can keep a fucking secret…..nobody!” And the more I think about it, the more he is totally correct. I have friends and acquaintances here in town who think that some stuff that happens can be kept secret, well it can’t. Everybody knows, pal. A good friend of mine has something that he does not want a lot of people to know, but what he does not realize is that everybody knows there are no secrets. There is something else that happened with a friend of mine that she probably doesn’t think anyone knows, or doesn’t really want anyone to know. Guess what sweetheart, everybody knows, there are no secrets. So what does all this mean, nothing really, but my brother is pretty smart and I am starting to believe his theory that nobody can keep a secret about anything. Well except for the JFK assassination.

AND

The NBA Finals start tonight, and it promises to be an entertaining series. The Miami Heat of course have 723 storylines about people trying to regain championship glory (Shaq & Riley) and veterans getting one last crack at a title (Mourning & Payton). All the Mavericks have is a bad ass team lead by the most famous German sports figure since Steffi Graf and Boris Becker ruled the world of tennis. Dirk Nowitzki is having that career year; this is his time to win a championship. And if he does it will be the exclamation point on the International invasion of the NBA. It will prove all these NBA GM’s have been right by searching out Europe and South America for great talent for the league. Yes Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili have won championships with the Spurs and even Toni Kukoc won a few with the Bulls. But this will be the first time a foreign born and bred player will lead a team to a championship. I think the Mavericks will get the job done in 6 games. I just think they are too athletic and too difficult to match up with. Yes Shaq will be a load for the Mavs but at his best now Shaq scores 25-30 points. Whereas Dirk has the ability to go off for between 40-50 points. It should be fun, and for anyone who hates the NBA and thinks the games are boring and all that bullshit, the World Cup starts tomorrow.

What's up with That?

Where have you gone Kris’ Blog sight,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you
Whoo……whooo……….whoooo

What’s that you say Mrs. Robinson
Kris has eaten his weight in cheese
Heeyyy…heyyy……heeyyy



ut alas, I return; sour, bitter, sullen, and generally angry at the world. The hiatus was good; it gave me time to rest my brain. Like Dave Chappelle, I have not gone crazy, but I did spend some time in South Africa hanging out with some bushman and making clicking noises with them. Unlike Mr. Chappelle it wasn’t $50 million that made me return. Mainly it was Bobby Seigle annoying me to death that he now has nothing to read on the internet. So Bobby, here’s to you, “You fucking dick.”

The main thing we are going to do here for now at The Wisdom is some Top 10 lists. Why? Because yes I am conforming. Everyone now is making lists of something. And I must admit it makes things nice and tidy. Last week however, Bravo TV Network (which I usually enjoy) did its list of Top 100 Funniest Movies. The list could not have been more wrong. Now obviously my lists won’t go 100 deep, because that would be boring. Most lists will be 8-10 deep, maybe on occasion a list of 15. The first list is obviously going to be my rebuttal to Bravo’s 100 Funniest movies. Some other lists that my interns are working on are: Top 10 Movie Quotes, Top 10 Simpson’s Episodes, Top 10 Springsteen Songs, Top 8 Robert DeNiro Movies, and Top 10 Sports moments of the 90’s (and maybe of the 00’s).

Now to some things that are generally pissing me off:

6/6/06 was yesterday date. Of course morons and news reporters had something to talk about because of the “ominous” date. What a bunch of freaking asswipes they are. 6/6/06 is not akin to the satanic number 666. Yesterdays date without the slashes is 6606. Now had this been 6 AD, then yes the date would have been 666. Alas we were about 2000 years off on that one you fucking Rhode scholars. And people wonder why this world is driving me insane.

Have you noticed all the lemons that are sneaking into your water? I mean, Hey, what’s up with that? Seriously, when I ask for a glass of water I don’t want a lemon. In fact a few weeks ago at a friends rehearsal dinner they had about 15 lemon slices hanging out in the pitcher of water that they were pouring. I asked if I could just get some water, what they where serving was lemonade. That is what you have when you mix water and lemons, lemonade. It’s an entirely different drink, all together. “It’s and entirely different drink.” (By the way any Cheers and Airplane! Fans should be laughing hysterically because of the references made in the paragraph, but I am sure you missed them all).

Lastly, and this one always bothers me and creeps up from time to time, what’s up with smoking? Now this is coming from a guy who has never had a single cigarette in his life. I never saw the appeal. My mother smoked when I was a child, and all it did was smell like shit and make me cough. Where is the appeal? And nowadays at bars, restaurants, and general social occasions I truly believe a lot of people do it for the arrogance of it. They make it such an act to smoke a cigarette, as if to say “hey look at me, I am smoking a cigarette, ain’t I cool.” These are the same assholes (male and female) who wear there sunglasses inside then take them off. He cockface, you know you are walking in doors, just take the damned things off before you get there. I don’t get sunglasses all that much either, much like smoking. The sun has never bothered me to the point of needing sunglasses, especially because I don’t spend my spare time staring at the sun. People I know do this; put there sunglasses on to walk 25 feet from their front door to the care, remove the sunglasses, then get out of the car, put them back on to walk another 30 feet or so into their office or place of employment. Is this truly something you need to spend money on? Much like cigarettes, it is a wasted expense in your life. Don’t complain to me that you don’t have enough money to pay for gas if you spend $5 for a pack of smokes and you smoke 4-10 packs a week, or if you have ever spent more than $12 on a pair of sunglasses.