A Whirlwind

For some reason this season has seemed to be busier than the last and my Wisdom has suffered. In the last 10 days I have spent 6 of them on the road in different exotic southeastern locals as well as trying to move out of my apartment and into a friend’s house. I have probably put my head down in 8 different places in 10 days. And yes there were some things we missed here on The Wisdom Andrew, like a whale dying of dehydration and Kobe dropping 81. But alas, we have recovered, we have taken a nice cold shower and we are back, sort of!!

The only Super Bowl talk will come on Friday’s super Bowl preview edition. Except for this one tidbit I learned from the great Mitch Albom yesterday. He said he always makes his Super Bowl pick right after the championship games have ended, because in the 2 week hiatus nothing that the two teams have changes in any significant way, but everyone listens to all the hype and their mind changes 15 different times. So I will stick with what I thought last Sunday, tune in Friday to find out. (we call that a tease)

81, my girlfriend sucked 81 dicks!!!
Okay, so that is not the real line from the movie, but Kobe did drop 81 last week. Why do all you people hate him again? Cause he raped some white bitch? Jeez, everyone makes a mistake here and there, and what does that have to do with him dropping game on the Raptors? I never saw a guy take so much crap for achieving an incredible athletic feat. Seriously, if Jordan had done this we would have him give the State of the Union address tonight. I know everyone blames Kobe for the whole break up of the Lakers, and listen nobody loves the Diesel as much as I do, but as I remember it was the Diesel who repeatedly came into camp out of shape, elected to wait until the season started to have toe surgery, and even was the one pointing up at Jerry Buss and yelling “PAY ME” as he was dunking balls. But it was all Kobe’s fault, I mean basically between Kobe and W we can pretty much corner the blame on everything in American history on these two.

Hamas for me, Hamas for you
Now I don’t always like to make light of potential serious world issues, but in this case I some what have to. I mean in America we complain about voter apathy, but how apathetic does your voter turnout have to be if you allow the terrorists to win the majority in your parliament? Seriously, you can’t have the Klan run for all the open seats in the US Senate and let them win. Hamas is responsible for more acts of sensless random violence than probably all other terrorist organizations in the middle east. Now they rest in seats of power, things could get real testy here. Alright, sorry enough serious talk.

Mine Kampf
What the fuck is going on in the mining industry right now? There are 30 something miners now trapped in some mine in Saskatchawan. Of course we had the terrible 2 weeks in West Virginia were people were getting trapped in mines faster than they could propose to their sisters. I mean come on folks, when the mountains start to rumble get the fuck out. Are these mining disasters happening all the time and now we are just reporting them more often? Or is a conspiracy by the filmmakers of the movie North Country to rally up support for the mining industry and drum up some Oscar buzz for the movie? See I always know the alternative motive behind all this stuff, you just need to look to find the conspiracy.

And finally today a missed news item by most of those in the mainstream, well really it happened at a nothing basketball game. Last Thursday night at a JV high school girls basketball game there were 143 free throws shot, fourteen total girls fouled out (7 from each team) and they game ended 4 on 3. Think about that, 143 free throws, that is ridiculous!!!

Championship Weekend and other thoughts

Ummm, I have been listening to all the banter this weekend leading up to the championships and I am now ready to reveal my picks, my eagerly awaited picks. I will brag that I basically nailed that Steelers/Colts game, I know my shit, sometimes.

Everyone loves Seattle, and I for some reason have a blatant disregard for everyone on that football team, moreover everyone in that homeless kid infested coffee loving hellhole of a city. So obviously I am going to pick the Panthers. Everytime I want to think about who is going to win this game one thought pops in my head..........Steve Smith. I have been saying it all year, he is the best player in the NFL. This is all you need to know; last week 3rd and 5 and a chance to ice the game for the Panthers and they call an end around for Smith. Are you kidding me, and end around to try and pick up a first and end the game. Now Smith did not get it, he mada bad read, but for his coaching staff to entrust that to him says volumes. Plus I love the way Jake Delhomme is always yelling at people, he is one cool cajun
PANTHERS-24 SEAHAWKS-10

Really, I know so very little about the Broncos. And while I still don't believe that actually beat the Patriots, I guess I have to move on. Does anyone realize that the Ben Rothlisberger is only in his second season as a QB? Michael Vick, David Carr, Joey Harrington, Eli Manning, and Phillip Rivers just to name a few have had way more hype and hope coming out of college, but Ben just keeps on racking up wins. I always like a team who can control the ball, because they can take the home crowds out of it. And since the game is on the road Bill Cowher has a chance to win the AFC Championship game, unlike if it were in Pittsburgh. I just have a feeling about tha Steelers, I am obviously going to be way off base here , but hey I picked em last week, I gotta keep riding that train.
STEELERS- 20 BRONCOS-17

I just looked at those predictions, and they fucking blow, those scores are not going to be right.

Wouldn't it have been funny if Antonio Davis's wife just bitch slapped him when he came into the crowd? Overall I really don't have anything wrong with him going into the crowd to protect his wife, heck I am in favor of random beatdowns handed out to fans by Stephen Jackson once a month. But I thought athletes were always so focused that they never notice the crowd and stuff, at least that is what they always say.

Theo Epstein rejoined the Red Sawx? What, what am I missing here? I thought he left, I am so confused, somebody get me some donuts, STAT!!!

By the way, I have no idea who is coaching what NFL team next season. I am so confused. Even more confusing is that fact that everyone knows the Texans have hired Gasry Kubiak, but it is like they are on double secret probation and can't tell anyone.

Lastly, Billy this one is for you. How about your girl Martina being back in tennis. I know you are staying up till all hours of the night watching here little eastern european ass shake in them shorts.

Coaching Carousel

Kirk Farentz for the fifth straight season has announced he will be staying in Iowa City and not pursuing any interest in NFL jobs. This happens at roughly the same time every year, after Farentz is announced as a candidate for at least 4 NFL jobs. Now dumb NFL owners have to go to Plan Q which involves re-hashing bad coach’s who have just recently lost their jobs or going with coordinators of non playoff teams, who’s respective units usually finished in the lower half of the league.

Dan Filowitz (A Great Jew) was questioning this phenomenon and wanted to know if he was having an acid flashback. Well Dan, I do not know if you are having an acid flashback (but I would imagine you might be), the Jets are interested in the coaching genius Jim Haslett. This is the same guy who repeatedly ran Aaron Brooks out their every season with the hopes that he would lead them to the promise land. The Jets are also talking to Mike Sherman, yeah that would be a great move. Sherman couldn’t win games with a hall of fame QB, what would he do with Brooks Bollinger (I thought he died in a plane crash, Billy what was the QB’s name?). I can’t wait until Steve Mariucci and Marty Morningweg get interviewed for jobs.

This used to happen in the late 80’s and early 90’s and it always irked me. Chuck Knox and John Robinson would always be hired or rehired by teams and the same with Tom Flores. Ditka went to the Saints and Parcells the Patriots. The NBA got into this trend again recently, the rehiring fury; Larry Brown (always), Flip Saunders, Mike Fratello, Mike Dunleavy, and most recently Bob Hill (he is awful). NFL owners seem poised to do the same thing right now, just rotate all these mediocre coach’s for a few years. I love it in the mid 90’s when the NFL injected all kinds of new guys in the mix; Bill Cowher, Mike Holmgren, Jim Fassel, Vince Tobin, Tony Dungy, and Bill Belichick.

I hope that NFL owners will start to bring in some of these younger coordinators and give them their first chance. Hell it took Romeo Crennell over 20 years before he could get a sniff, but of course he is black and Ole Whitey up there in the owners box doesn’t want a brotha representing the team. But guys like Mike Mularkey (who was a miserable failure and resigned) deserve their shot. I would rather watch Eric Mangini try and fail than knowing that Jim Haslett is going to fail.

PLAYOFF PREVIEW:
Last week I had a very accurate Saturday, but Sunday got away from me, so here goes.

WASHINGTON v SEATTLE: Mark this moment down, I am going with a Hasselback!!!! I see no chance the Redskins have in this game, unless of course Joe Gibbs resurrects his old Super Bowl teams from the scrap heap that is his current NFL team. Seattle is superior in all facets of the game. The Redskins main problem is they cannot gain any yards on offense, and the Seattle will eat that up and give the ball to Alexander maybe 150 times. Blowout city, time to do the yard work during this one folks
REDSKINS- 3 SEAHWAKS- 28

NEW ENGLAND v DENVER: I made this simple for friends of mine last week. I tell you I have something for you to do, and if you do not do this thing in a timely, efficient manner and correctly I will kill you. Now, I will give you help, I am going to open a door and behind that door will be two men, you get to choose one of the two men to help you with your mission. I open the door and Tom Brady and Jake Plummer are standing there, who do you choose? Normally Denver’s big caveat is having home field in the bad weather and being able to run the ball. Well, poo poo on that. Tom Brady will just slap a receiver’s glove on his throwing hand and pitch that thing around for 300 yards.
PATRIOTS- 24 BRONCOS- 10


CAROLINA v CHICAGO: This is a tough freaking game to pick The Bears defense has been marvelous all year long. They don’t let you run the ball, the reek havoc on your Quarterback and they force turnovers, they are the triple threat. Unfortunately after they do their job, the rules state that they must allow their offense to take control of the ball. Panthers Coach John Fox proved once again why he is in the upper echelon of coach’s today, having prepared his team brilliantly for last weeks game. The Bears will need to get some production from their offense, even Trent Dilfer put the Ravens in the end zone every once in awhile. If the Bears offense can get them two TD’s they will win. But I still have this sneaking suspicion about the Panthers, they have great leadership and team of guys who have won big games, and they still have Steve Smith who simply makes the plays when they need to get made.
PANTHERS- 17 BEARS- 7

PITSBURGH v INDIANAPOLIS: I just don’t know where Indianapolis is right now. They had been playing so well and then it seems as if Lucy just took the ball away right as Charlie Brown went to kick it. They lost, at home, unthinkable. Then the situation with Tony Dungy, and the fact that they have not played a meaningful football game since Thanksgiving. The Steelers are a veteran group, with a great playoff coach (as long as the AFC title isn’t on the line). I hate to say it, but I am sniffing upset here. I think the Steelers will be able to control the line of scrimmage, which controls the clock, which keeps Manning and company on the bench. If Manning gets frustrated from sitting on the bench you can force him into turning the ball over, he is more comfortable the more he is out there, sitting on the bench kills him. Plus, it is a no lose situation. I pick the Steelers and they win, I am a fat genius, and if they lose, I am a fat idiot, and I hold the championship belt when it comes to fat idiots.
STEELERS- 21 COLTS- 17

Football, Football, Futbol!!!!

Yes it has come time for the NFL playoff and the wrap up of the college bowl season. And no Martin, I am not actually going to talk about soccer. I just thought the word Futbol is funny to say, that is why it is in the title.

- Shaun Alexander won the NFL’s MVP yesterday, and I do have to admit it was well deserved. The guy scored about 3,000 touchdowns this year, and had like 12 100 yard games for the best team in his conference. Now this is a tough pill to swallow since I have an irrational dislike for everything having to do with the Seahawks (like Zoltan’s irrational dislike for Peyton Manning). I do think Tiki Barber and Steve Smith were very deserving candidates, as well as Manning. Barber suffered this season from the Barry Sanders syndrome; he put his team in position all season long only to watch them hand his touchdowns away to rookie Brandon Jacobs. Barber would have 15 touchdowns if he got all of Jacobs, which would still be way short of Alexander, but Barber has meant so much to his team especially over the last 7 weeks of the season. The Giants went 5-2 down the stretch and captured a division title while Barber rushed for 1,005 yards in those last seven games, that’s 143 per game for those keeping score at home.

- Bowl season is finally over. It lasted slightly longer than the Normans rule over England. Unfortunately I found myself watching entirely too much of this crap, but as I found out there are some great teams and great players out there, and the National Championship game was not the only exciting conclusion. A night earlier Florida State and Penn State played a classic, though the game had a lot of mistakes it was and unbelievable finish and the atmosphere was second to none. UCF and Nevada had a shootout in the Hawaii bowl that was won on a missed extra point in overtime. I love the college overtime, because you can win or lose on something like that. For my money the best game was the Motor City bowl with Memphis and Akron. The teams combined for 39 4th quarter points and the best running back in college football not on Southern Cal, DeAngelo Williams, rushed for 233 yards and 3 scores. Fresno State and Tulsa played another classic in the Liberty Bowl, which for some reasons always produces great games. Now I am one person who is perfectly fine with the current state of college football, I somehow will be able to go on living if they don’t come up with a playoff system, unlike Billy Pipher.

WILD CARD WEEKEND PREVIEW

STEELERS vs BENGALS: In Vegas the Bengals are home underdogs, and that is a handicapper’s dream. Home dogs in NFL playoff games are like hookers who like to cook, clean, and does the entire yard work; they don’t come around that often and when they do they’re a keeper. I think the Steelers will be able to run the ball at will against the Bengals, and we all know that is what Cowher wants to do. Can the Bengal offense conjure up the same success they had earlier in the year on offense? Probably not in the playoffs, they will need to take shots down the field to try and exploit the Steelers weak secondary. Experience could be huge, the Steelers have plenty and for just about everyone in Cincinnati’s organization this is their first rodeo. STEELERS- 20 BENGALS- 13

JAGUARS vs PATRIOTS: I do not believe in the Jaguars, and when push comes to shove I am betting on Tom Brady. The Patriots have played some solid ball recently, and their defense is getting healthy and improving. Watching an unhealthy Byron Leftwitch try and play against the Pats Defense will like watching the wounded Wildebeest being hunted by hungry lions. I think the Patriots will roll in this one.
PATRIOTS- 31 JAGUARS- 10

REDSKINS vs BUCCANEERS: On paper this looks to be the most evenly matched game. The two teams played earlier in the season when the Bucs edged the Redskins on a controversial Mike Alstott touchdown. The Redksins Clinton Portis had success in that earlier meeting and I think Coach Gibbs will turn to him again. Tampa Bay has a young offense that will need to mature in a hurry if they want to make some noise in this game, rookie Cadillac Williams has been excellent and Chris Simms has been efficient, but starting receiver Michael Clayton is out. The Redskins only need Mark Brunell not to make mistakes, and Gibbs will have the game plan in place to win.
REDSKINS- 17 BUCCANEERS-7

PANTHERS vs GIANTS: This is a tough one for me to pick, I have had the Panthers going to the Super Bowl since preseason, but I like the Giants so much and they are playing well. The Panthers need Deshaun Foster to show up if they want to have any chance. I have not seen a weather report, but having seen dozens of games in December & January in Giants Stadium I know it will be windy. Steve Smith may be limited at catching passes if the wind is bad and QB Jake Delhomme has been prone to the big mistake this year, and he will have two big black guys in his grill all afternoon. The Giants are going to hand the ball to Tiki Barber, often. And for a guy who takes crap from local and national media everyday about everything from his completion percentage to his choice of underpants I’ll still take Eli Manning in a tough spot. He has learned how to be effective without being great, and he has the ability to be great from time to time in his young career. If Barber gets 120+ yards I think the Giants will win. One side note: the Giants are depleted at linebacker, and the Panthers have two effective but underused weapons in FB Brad Hoover and TE Chris Mangum.
GIANTS- 24 PANTHERS- 17


And lastly, I liked most of the responses to the post earlier this week about my rancid personal life. Things are going well though now, hopefully any day she should be battling a bout with Scurvy. After she is cured of that there is a looming cloud of Crones Disease waiting for her, I think.

The Same load of Crap

Yes, yes folks the New Year is upon us, and who gives a shit. We had a nice holiday break here at the offices of The Wisdom and we are primed and ready for the new and exciting things coming the next few months. However, today we have decided to go in a different direction and delve a little into my personal life. This is not a subject that I breech often, and yet Festivus has passed us by I still have some grievances to air.

What is it that I did to not understand the female species? Did I miss a meeting somewhere? Did I not get a fax? Why are they so fucking crazy? Do they take classes on this shit? Did I do something to woman to deserve this shabby treatment? These are all questions that I have wrestled with over the last few weeks, and more importantly the last few hours. Maybe I am one of those idiotic people who seems to be spinning in infinity searching for a connection that does not exist, a ship lost at sea. Hopefully a Tsunami will come by and fucking drown me.

To Quote Inigo Montoya: “Let me ‘splain……. No, there is too much, let me sum up.” There I a female whom I am close with, we have been friends for about 4 months now. More recently (starting in November) business began to pickup (RIP Gorilla Monsoon). We began talking a lot on the phone and spending time together and even going on a few “dates”. It seems as if things are going well, then she had some time off from work so she went home to Virginia to see her family. This was for about the last 3 weeks of December, now I decided to just play things out while she was away. But she put on an offensive attack, calling me, IM’ing, and texting all the time. So, in kind, I responded and we began this routine of talking everyday. So much so that I began to actually get in trouble (by a woman who I am not “dating” in any form) if I did not contact her each night before I went to sleep. It has been come so commonplace that my friends actually belittle me and say “Oh there he goes, he has to go check in.” What is this bullshit, but I bring it upon myself I guess. So that is where things are, the summary of our dance right now, which brings me to the ever popular New Years Eve.

Now most of you know my hatred for all these fucking made up holidays and “excuses” to party. Like Colin Cowherd says on ESPN Radio all the time: “Fantasy geeks argue over the bill, gamblers pick up the tab.” Well parties get drunk whenever they want; weekend warriors need “holidays” to get drunk, then they do not have to go sit in their cubicle the next day, yuppie pussies!!!!

Anyway, most New Years I like to spend on the comfort of my solitude listening to some righteous music and/or reading and just basically collecting my thoughts. However, this night I was duped into going out with some friends. Overall it was the same as going out on every other night I guess, except people had stupid hats on. Having talked to this female earlier in the evening she said she was not going out, but at about 10:30 she sent me a message saying she was going to be at a certain bar by 11:30, and asked me to be there with her, so I obliged. Unfortunately, I got there a few minutes passed midnight which I could’ve cared less about.

Now keep in mind we have not seen each other in about three weeks, well when I do see her I go to give her a hug and she tried in vein to avoid it like I had fucking leprosy. That almost sent me into a rage of hurling bar stools. Then moments later two of the people I was there with came over and she about humped them like Jenna Jameson humped that ball in “The Blue Movie.” Again, I was able to find a way to control the raging spirit that dwelled within me (Ode to the Incredible Hulk). But then as the moments went by I tried to engage in conversation with her, which I presumed she wanted me to, having asked that I come meet her there. Well I have had better conversations with a lamp post, so I just turned and walked out of the bar. Honestly, I think she may have been speaking as I did that, which may be why she hasn’t spoken to me since. So again, I do bring most of this upon myself; two wrongs in any case do not make a right. I hope a tic gets stuck to her leg and gives her lime disease, I really do.

Since that evening I have decided to come up with my first New Years resolution ever.

Fuck you. Yeah, you, right there. And fuck you, and you, and you. And tell the guy who works in the cubicle, fuck him too and the horse he rode in on. Lastly, if you think I am not talking about you, well then fuck you even harder.

The way I see it, I can keep that New Years resolution. So many times you here of people not being able to stick to there resolutions, well I am positive I can stick to this one.