Twas the Year in Review

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Nobody shooting steroids, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a young Favre soon would be there.

The sports fan were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Reggie Bush danced in their heads.
And mamma in her Doo Rag, and I in my wave cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a Vick,
Tore open the zipper, it’s Ron Mexico’s dick.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a burnt orange huddle, and some Longhorn Steer.

With a tall black QB, so lively and fun,
I knew in a moment it must be Vince Young.
More rapid than eagles we had other stars,
And now we remember who some of them are!

"Now Guillen! now, Armstrong! now, Brady and Duncan!
On, Manning! On, Clemens! on LeBron and Leinahrt!
To the top of our minds! to the top of our view!
all these guys we remember are year in review

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane of this year,
And we remember our soldiers and those we hold dear.
So up to the heavens we try and live without fear,
With the sleigh full of memories, and hopes for next year.

And then, in a twinkling, walking away an old champ
though other times tried, this was truly his last dance.
As the sun shined bright, and Scottish wind in our face,
Down the fairway Jack Nicklaus came elegance and grace.

He was dressed in all yellow and Golden bear hat,
the moment so perfect and there we all sat.
A bundle of clubs he had flung on his back,
As he paced the Old Course, we remember old Jack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his smile how wide!
across the Swilcan bridge with a glide!
The ghost of Tom Morris watched with a smile,
As Jack birdied 18 and finished in style.

The world of Hollywood always Is weird,
Jen broke it off with Brad & his long beard.
Tom screamed at Matt on NBC’s Today,
and after 10 years CBS said goodbye to Ray!

Here on the Wisdom we had our share of fun,
its my number 2 site behind TheHun! (www.thehun.com)
We always remember to check the Weekend Wrap,
to hear a fat man and how he’s full of crap .

We here Danny and Martin yell about the Mets,
And there’s A Great Jew who loves his dear Jets.
Keith & the King revel us with glee,
there’s Josh, Bobby, Kyle and rarely Darby!

Finally to all who enjoy my writing,
next year all your friends you should be inviting.
I mustn’t forget those who make this a great sight,
"Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good-night!"

Open Forum

Go ahead Yankee haters, I can't stop you clowns anyway. Blast away, who say how the Mets are better or whatever you want. This is an open forum, for you Mr. Yankee Hater. Hate away!!!


Here is why this helps the Yankees, they finally have a true leadoff hitter, something Derek Jeter has been doing for the last 4 or 5 years which is not his natural position. Jeter was created in a lab to be the perfect number 2 hitter, high average, some pop, can move runners with bunts or sacrifices, good speed on the base paths. I addressed this very problem the night the Yankees lost Game 5 to the Angels this year:

But because they have so many “great” hitters you have a guy like A-Rod batting second. Derek Jeter got on base three times last night, normally one of those times (maybe even in the first inning) if you had a number 2 hitter who was struggling (i.e. A-Rod) you may have him sacrifice Jeter over. However, you can’t ask a hitter of A-Rod’s caliber to bunt, instead you watch him swing away, poorly

Now when situations like this arise again the Yankees will be in the perfect spot, Damon gets on, Jeter bunts him over. One out A-Rod coming up with an open base and Sheffield and Matsui behind him. What do you do if you are the other manager, now you are in a quandry.

Long live Steinbrenner and the Yankees and Ben Affleck calling us the Evil Empire, this is like seducing Annakin Skywalker to become Darth Vader...........................Lord Vader.............RISE!!!!

The Love Boat

Finally, some charges have been brought against the Minnesota Vikings players who took a “3 Hour Tour” two months ago on Lake Minnetonka. All Hail Fred Smoot, this entire cruise was his idea and he apparently fit the bill for it too. I knew someday that Mississippi State education would pay off for him.

What was great about this whole thing was reading what was in the lawsuit against these guys, and having to hear a police spokesperson actually say what these guys did. Fred Smoot used a double headed dildo and “manipulated it” back and for the between two woman. Wow, that is awesome; I want to be on the next cruise. Bryant McKinnie apparently threw some whore on the bar and just started munching her rug in front of everyone. The bar people, that means there was a bartender right there serving drinks to everyone while McKinnie was tonguing out the filth in her cooter.

Daunte Culpepper and Moe Williams I guess just fondled some chick on the deck while getting lap dances, what a bunch of losers. It really sounds like they just did all this stuff right there on the decks of these boats directly in front of the crew and for any passing by boats to see. That is why what they did is a crime. Yes a crime, but also one hell of a way to pass time on a lazy Tuesday afternoon in October.

The most upsetting thing about yesterday’s charges was the lack of sufficient evidence to charge anyone with violating the Mann Act for transporting prostitutes across state lines. There was insufficient evidence on whether or not the women were “paid” for their services or had their travel expenses paid for. Damn, I really wanted that charge to stick, that was the one I was counting on.

Now this last thing has nothing to do with the cruise but is football related. Did I miss the time when Donovan McNabb raped some body’s child? What did this guy ever do to anyone? From his very first day in the NFL, draft day, he was booed mercilessly by the Philly faithful. Then that crazy ass white man said he only played cause he was a brother, then he had the TO thing, now some NAACP guy telling him how to live his life. And through it all has McNabb ever said anything? Not that I can recall, the guy just shows up, does his job, plays through pain, and wins football games. Now I know we got into this whole thing a few weeks ago about why all of a sudden to we care about “class” when it comes to athletes, but seriously this guy never did anything to anyone. He has a talent whereby he gets paid millions of dollars and is in the public eye, but this guy would be the same man even if he didn’t. He is hardworking and dedicated to his craft, and that’s it. That is all we ask in America, you roll up your sleeves and do your job to the best of your ability.

The Weekend Wrap 12/9-12/11

THIS I KNOW:

Say what you want, but the argument is over…………Adam Morrison is clearly the best player in college basketball. Not only is he the best, but right now he is the most valuable as well. After watching JJ Redick torch Texas in the Meadowlands, I was kind of getting back on the JJ train, but Morrison elevated his game and rose to the occasion. His team is undermanned right now, with their starting backcourt out due to injury, and Morrison just willed his team to a victory over Oklahoma State, capping it off with a step back three against 2 defenders for the game winner with 2.5 seconds on the clock. He is averaging almost 39 minutes a game and dropping a mind blowing 28.5 points. He is the “Reggie Bush” of college hoops.

Speaking of MVP’s I have been meaning to state this way earlier in the season, and even though his team comes off a bad loss yesterday I still believe Steve Smith is the MVP of the NFL. It may be unorthodox but you really need to watch this guy play, when he is in the game he adds a dimension of excitement and play making ability that nobody else on his team has. Even yesterday in his team’s bad loss he accounted for 72% of the total offense. He had a huge punt return to put his team in position to draw within a field goal late in the game, then two plays later made a first down catch on 3rd and 7 to keep the drive alive; unfortunately two plays later Jake Delhomme threw to a covered Ricky Proehl and Ronde Barber sealed the game with an interception. Smith, however, has been big time all season long with 8 100 yard games and 10 touchdowns.

Dan Filowitz (A Great Jew) = Football Genius. Screw Mike Martz, Bill Walsh, Bill Belichick, and Brian Billick and all other asshole football coach’s who think they are splitting the atom with strategy. Dan Filowitz (A Great Jew) knows what’s up. During our time growing up and watching football on TV Dan would always scream at the television when on second and goal teams did not play action pass. His scientific theory was the second down is the perfect down to do it on, because the defense is still thinking run. Well yesterday with the game on the line, and Larry Allen the human road grader to run behind, Cowboys Coach Bill Parcells called the old play action tight end drag. Now I am sure in NFL verbage (a made up football word) that play takes about 17 seconds to call out, but whatever you call it, it worked. Tight End Dan Campbell was as wide open as Jenna Jameson after a three day shoot (yeah, I went there). The best part about it was them showing Parcells reaction to the play, the shot they used started as the Cowboys broke the huddle and before the ball was even snapped Parcells broke out into this sly grin, because he knew by the way the linebacker was line up that the play was going to be successful, that is what a great coach is all about.

DOUBLE TAKE:


Did Reggie Bush really receive 784 first place votes in the Heisman balloting? That is ridiculous. He won all six voting regions, and had the widest margin of victory ever. The only guy to ever receive more first place votes was OJ Simpson, hopefully Reggie Bush hacks up his ex wife 25 years down the road too. But the most amazing number was the fact that Bush appeared on 99% of the ballots. Huh, 99%? Not 100%? Who is the fucking dickbag who did not vote for Reggie Bush on some level? Who, I want to know and I want to know right now. This asshole should be strung up by his testicles outside the Rose Bowl and people should be allowed to throw human excrement at him. Then after Bush racks up 400 total yards against Texas en route to a third National Championship, Bush should walk out of the stadium and gouge this fuckers eyes out so that he can never watch a college football game again.

Did Stan Van Gundy really not make it until Christmas? Wow, that was way sooner than expected, especially when you consider the fact that the Diesel has only played 3 games this season. Now the official reports are saying Van Gundy resigned for personal reasons, but we all know Riles is going to take over the seat on the bench. Van Gundy was set up for failure from day one down in Miami. Plus, after some re-examination the Heat really lack any type of quality depth and with Jason Williams & Shaq out there lineup is seriously depleted. In the East all you have to do is get to April, and the Heat have enough talent to do that, and it would have been nice to see Van Gundy get the chance to lead them in the playoffs.

IN THE NEWS:

Well there has really been nothing in the news, because the dreadful news outlets have already started their year in review shows. I mean crap people; it is still 12 days until Christmas. Can we at least contain the year in review shows to the time between Christmas and New Years, please.

Comedian Richard Pryor passed away this weekend. He is the father of modern stand up, where Lenny Bruce chipped away at the walls of decency and conformity in the 60’s, Richard Pryor tore them down with his first hand accounts of black experience in America and his dead on social commentary. His stand up material is that of legend, it almost seems surreal when you watch him perform. His brazen attitude toward society and the racial undertones of his day will never be topped by anyone. He was truly one of kind when it comes to stand up comedic brilliance. He went on to become a major player in Hollywood but could never totally recapture that magic that propelled him into the movies, as the silver screen was a two dimensional canvas. Pryor needed to work in a three dimensional world where his comedy could be enjoyed and his willingness to take risks could be celebrated.

Sizzling Stove

The baseball off-season had been off to a relatively slow start, until the last week. I guess it was the beginning of the winter meetings that got this all going, when the owners got down there they must have heard the lat great gorilla Monsoon say “Business is about to pick up.” Because that is exactly what this has been like, when a bunch of wrestlers used to come flying out of the locker room and a brawl would ensue in the ring.

I am not sure what the hell is going on, but this I do know my New York Yankees have been unexpectedly quiet. However, yesterday they pulled the big shocker in actually offering Bernie Williams arbitration, which mean he will most likely be a Yankee again next season, mostly in a supporting role. I guess the biggest news was the Astros and Clemens not being able to come to a deal. That leaves Clemens open to sign with anyone; however it seems unlikely that he would leave the state of Texas. In an obvious counter to that move the Rangers finally unloaded Alfonso Soriano who was set to make upwards of $10 million a year if offered arbitration. Soriano is fast becoming the Shareef Abdur-Rahim of his sport, a guy with unlimited talent and above average production who nobody wants. Also the Rangers are interested in dealing All-star third baseman Hank Blalock, again most likely to make some room financially to throw about $18-20 million at Clemens.

This stuff is getting out of control. Honestly I have no idea who is on what team right now. As I am writing this and trying to highlight some of the moves of the past week, updates keep popping up on ESPN.com and MLB.com. Pierre dealt, Renteria dealt, Loretta dealt, Rogers no arbitration, Overbay dealt, Hoffman re-signs, Moyer re-signs, Wickman re-signs, Mabry signs with Cubs, Mesa goes to Colorado, Zito likely being traded, and Manny, well Manny is still on the Sawx. All this stuff is happening and I am still trying to figure out why in the hell the Yankees threw a crap load of money at Carl Pavano last off-season.

I guess as of right now you would have to look at the Mets and Blue Jays as two teams who have upgraded their talent level. Although just because they have made some good moves now that does not translate to how it will work out on the field. This two clubs perennially are ones that people look at who can “make some noise this season.” A bunch of analysts every year talk about how the Blue Jays will be a factor this year and a player at the trading deadline while competing with the Yanks and the Sawx, yet it never happens. And the Metropolitans have their supremely optimistic, yet downtrodden fan base. Like Hitler drunk on power, Met fans get drunk on the dope skills of GM Omar Minaya. Now I know Marty Met and Danny Price, the two drunkest Met fans I know, are going to outline in every minute detail why the Mets are the greatest team ever headed into next season, but please spare me, I have been through this rhetoric before. In fact Dann one time last year actually used this quote when describing his Metropolitans, “We're a few holes away from being dominant.” Now he cannot wait to tell me how they have filled in those holes. But as I have always said, until they don’t do it, I am sticking with the Bravo’s.

Who knows what is going to come next on the hot stove, maybe my Yanks will get with the program and make a bigger splash rather than their last signing which was 35 yr old journeyman catcher Kelly Stinnett

The Daily Nooner

Hey, remember a few months ago when everyone lost their shit because gas prices skyrocketed? Do you remember there was a level headed voice of reason out there that explained if all you yahoo’s hadn’t whipped yourselves into a frenzy over nothing that the gas prices would not have gone up. Well now that everyone has returned to normal, instead of super paranoia level, guess what has happened? That’s right; I paid a $1.89 for gas. Are you kidding me that is cheap as hell. Yeah America, yeah Gas!!!!

This just in, the Philadelphia Eagles bite monkey ass. Now I know a lot of guys are hurt, and you told you best player to sit on it and rotate, but there is no excuse for that type of effort. That was piss poor, an effort like that calls for a Jim Mora press conference. And I am not talking about the “playoffs” press conference; I am talking about his original meltdown when he left New Orleans

What time of the year is it folks? That’s right, it is BCS time. I love and hate the BCS all at once. I know everyone will scream and shout about how the system doesn’t work, even though it panned out this year. But what I have a bigger problem with is; what is the point of having the rankings below #’s 1 and 2 if you are just going to choose whatever 2 at large teams you want anyway? The BCS obviously just wanted Ohio State and Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl, so why bother doling out rankings that show Oregon and LSU higher than them? All that being said, I am kind of glad things worked out the way they did, because outside of the national championship game I have 2 games which I cannot wait to watch; the Orange Bowl with Penn State vs. Florida State and the Peach Bowl (easily the best game on paper) with LSU vs. Miami.

It is official, and I know Andrew will kill me for this, but I am driving the Indianapolis Colts bandwagon. Like Robert Duval in “The Apostle” had the One Way Road to Heaven bus, I have the One Way Road to Indianapolis bus (for anyone who doesn’t know what the hell I am talking about and hasn’t seen The Apostle, do yourself a favor and go see it). I will be coming to a town near you and picking up anyone who wants to get on the bus. We will be making tour stops in New Orleans, then Indianapolis and then on our way to Detroit to await our conquering hero’s.

Speaking of ridiculous football picks, I was looking back on my NFL preview from earlier this season, and I could not have been more wrong, on just about everything. Now, injuries have played a major part in some of my misjudgments, but more importantly I have two major players still alive. My Super Bowl prediction was Panthers v Colts, and right now that looks pretty darned good. Of course that will all change in 2 weeks when Peyton Manning and Jake Delhomme get hurt.

AND

How excited am I beginning to get about this World Cup of baseball thing? Very excited. I have been trying to figure out how this is all going to work out, but in Bud we trust. Over the last few days different players are beginning to announce their intentions to play for their countries. And it has been a who’s who of MLB players, which is what we want to see. Barry Bonds, Miguel Tejada, Pedro Martinez, and Dontrelle Willis have all said recently that they intend to play.

Anchorage Away

Oh uh, guess who’s back…………fatty’s back…… …..guess who’s back………….fatty’s back, back again, from Anchorage!!

All I have to say is Anchorage rocks, way more than Cleveland Mr. Drew Carey. What a coat hanger abortion of a trip, and judging by the way us Gamecocks treated the woman of Anchorage there may be some back alley abortions.

Now before we get to basketball and partying, there is something I need to address. Yes YCP’ers this is directed at you. I did indeed run into YCP Spartan Basketball great Brent Fortuny. I totally forgot that that freak was from Anchorage so did not bother looking him up, and the last night we were there, I saw some dude leave this bar and I swore it was Brent Fortuny, or his evil twin. I tried to fight my way out of the bar, but when I got outside he was way down the street. So basically I gave up the dream. Then the next bar I went into, who was standing at the door, fucking Brent Fortuny, he almost passed out, it was pretty funny. In less than a month a Brad Leinbach sighting and then a Brent Fortuny run in, this means that I am bound to see Ramesh in Oxford, Mississippi later this season. Teaneckians, not to be outdone I also discovered that Marquette’s newest assistant coach is none other than former Highwaymen great Jean Prioleau. I had a chance to spend some time talking old school THS hoops with him.

But anyway, back to that great state of Alaska, the Last Frontier. First of all, it takes about nine days to get there. Okay, that is exaggerating a little bit, but it took longer to get to Anchorage than it did to get to Maui. Yes Alaska is all it is cracked up to be. It is downright cold, but it’s a dry cold. Yes there is fucking snow, everywhere. It snowed for a solid 50 hours straight at one point. It isn’t enough that there is barely any sunlight on a normal day, but then snow makes it the most dreary overcast gray day you have ever seen. Yes there were Moose abound in the city of Anchorage. Really, you can see them walking along the street and in peoples back yards, it is crazy. Unfortunately I did not get to wrestle any of the moose I saw, a long standing dream of mine, and I did not get eaten by a Polar Bear.

Now to some basketball. Hopefully you people saw some of the games, even though they were on really later here in the east coast. The first night was ho hum, playing host Division II Alaska Anchorage we were able to get a win; that is all that matters. Then on night two we made the best comeback in the 6 years I have been with the Gamecocks. Down by twelve at the half, to freaking Monmouth, we let them extend the lead to 17 points at the under sixteen timeout, then we went crazy on the back of Tarence Kinsey and won the game. Then on the final night in the championship game we played as good a regular season game as can be played. The Gamecocks and Marquette went toe to toe for 45 minutes that included 22 lead changes and 9 ties. Again Tarence Kinsey shined brightly on a big stage. I know he is not nationally recognized, but I firmly believe Kinsey is as clutch a player as there is in the collegiate game today. His signature moment was his game winning 3 at the buzzer to win the NIT. But he also was the MVP of the Guardians Classic his sophomore season, scored the first three baskets of the second half when we were down at home to Georgetown in the NIT quarters, and hit a career best 5 three pointers in an upset of #3 Kentucky last season. All weekend again he was outstanding.

Lastly, Alaska is the most ID checking place I have ever seen. Whenever you go into any bar they check your ID over like you are trying to get into that little computer room from Mission Impossible. They repeatedly checked two guys I was with who are both well into their 30’s, and one place actually denied me access after asking me my birth sign, year I graduated high school (I gave him the day also, just to be an ass) and signing a sheet of paper to compare signatures. Seriously, it was a little over the edge, but then I would see girls in da club (that is the cool ghetto way to say it) that looked like they just took their drivers ed mid term.

LINES OF THE WEEK: dream up your own scenarios that go with all of these lines.

BOY: “Hey, do you wanna dance?”
GIRL: “Oh, I wanna do more than dance!”

GIRL: “I guess I’ll just lie down here in the backseat with a coat over my head.”

GIRL: “Can I go pee in your room?”
BOY: “You can pee in my mouth.”

GIRL: “I think my sister and I are going to go bowling.”
BOY: “I got some balls you can play with.”

And now the absolute line of the week:

BOY: “My mom told me when I come up here to make sure I kiss an Eskimo. Well I am gonna call her and tell her, hey ma, I didn’t just kiss and Eskimo, but I fucked and Eskimo, Twice.

Favorite places to go in Anchorage include but is not limited to:
Humpy’s, The Great Alaskan Bush Company, The Glacier Brewhouse, F-Street Station, Sullivan’s, and the greatest club of all time Chilkoot Charlie’s, that place fucking rocked out!!


P.S.
Fuck the Woodshed and their ID checking assholes!!!