Anchorage Away
Oh uh, guess who’s back…………fatty’s back…… …..guess who’s back………….fatty’s back, back again, from Anchorage!!
All I have to say is Anchorage rocks, way more than Cleveland Mr. Drew Carey. What a coat hanger abortion of a trip, and judging by the way us Gamecocks treated the woman of Anchorage there may be some back alley abortions.
Now before we get to basketball and partying, there is something I need to address. Yes YCP’ers this is directed at you. I did indeed run into YCP Spartan Basketball great Brent Fortuny. I totally forgot that that freak was from Anchorage so did not bother looking him up, and the last night we were there, I saw some dude leave this bar and I swore it was Brent Fortuny, or his evil twin. I tried to fight my way out of the bar, but when I got outside he was way down the street. So basically I gave up the dream. Then the next bar I went into, who was standing at the door, fucking Brent Fortuny, he almost passed out, it was pretty funny. In less than a month a Brad Leinbach sighting and then a Brent Fortuny run in, this means that I am bound to see Ramesh in Oxford, Mississippi later this season. Teaneckians, not to be outdone I also discovered that Marquette’s newest assistant coach is none other than former Highwaymen great Jean Prioleau. I had a chance to spend some time talking old school THS hoops with him.
But anyway, back to that great state of Alaska, the Last Frontier. First of all, it takes about nine days to get there. Okay, that is exaggerating a little bit, but it took longer to get to Anchorage than it did to get to Maui. Yes Alaska is all it is cracked up to be. It is downright cold, but it’s a dry cold. Yes there is fucking snow, everywhere. It snowed for a solid 50 hours straight at one point. It isn’t enough that there is barely any sunlight on a normal day, but then snow makes it the most dreary overcast gray day you have ever seen. Yes there were Moose abound in the city of Anchorage. Really, you can see them walking along the street and in peoples back yards, it is crazy. Unfortunately I did not get to wrestle any of the moose I saw, a long standing dream of mine, and I did not get eaten by a Polar Bear.
Now to some basketball. Hopefully you people saw some of the games, even though they were on really later here in the east coast. The first night was ho hum, playing host Division II Alaska Anchorage we were able to get a win; that is all that matters. Then on night two we made the best comeback in the 6 years I have been with the Gamecocks. Down by twelve at the half, to freaking Monmouth, we let them extend the lead to 17 points at the under sixteen timeout, then we went crazy on the back of Tarence Kinsey and won the game. Then on the final night in the championship game we played as good a regular season game as can be played. The Gamecocks and Marquette went toe to toe for 45 minutes that included 22 lead changes and 9 ties. Again Tarence Kinsey shined brightly on a big stage. I know he is not nationally recognized, but I firmly believe Kinsey is as clutch a player as there is in the collegiate game today. His signature moment was his game winning 3 at the buzzer to win the NIT. But he also was the MVP of the Guardians Classic his sophomore season, scored the first three baskets of the second half when we were down at home to Georgetown in the NIT quarters, and hit a career best 5 three pointers in an upset of #3 Kentucky last season. All weekend again he was outstanding.
Lastly, Alaska is the most ID checking place I have ever seen. Whenever you go into any bar they check your ID over like you are trying to get into that little computer room from Mission Impossible. They repeatedly checked two guys I was with who are both well into their 30’s, and one place actually denied me access after asking me my birth sign, year I graduated high school (I gave him the day also, just to be an ass) and signing a sheet of paper to compare signatures. Seriously, it was a little over the edge, but then I would see girls in da club (that is the cool ghetto way to say it) that looked like they just took their drivers ed mid term.
LINES OF THE WEEK: dream up your own scenarios that go with all of these lines.
BOY: “Hey, do you wanna dance?”
GIRL: “Oh, I wanna do more than dance!”
GIRL: “I guess I’ll just lie down here in the backseat with a coat over my head.”
GIRL: “Can I go pee in your room?”
BOY: “You can pee in my mouth.”
GIRL: “I think my sister and I are going to go bowling.”
BOY: “I got some balls you can play with.”
And now the absolute line of the week:
BOY: “My mom told me when I come up here to make sure I kiss an Eskimo. Well I am gonna call her and tell her, hey ma, I didn’t just kiss and Eskimo, but I fucked and Eskimo, Twice.
Favorite places to go in Anchorage include but is not limited to:
Humpy’s, The Great Alaskan Bush Company, The Glacier Brewhouse, F-Street Station, Sullivan’s, and the greatest club of all time Chilkoot Charlie’s, that place fucking rocked out!!
P.S.
Fuck the Woodshed and their ID checking assholes!!!
All I have to say is Anchorage rocks, way more than Cleveland Mr. Drew Carey. What a coat hanger abortion of a trip, and judging by the way us Gamecocks treated the woman of Anchorage there may be some back alley abortions.
Now before we get to basketball and partying, there is something I need to address. Yes YCP’ers this is directed at you. I did indeed run into YCP Spartan Basketball great Brent Fortuny. I totally forgot that that freak was from Anchorage so did not bother looking him up, and the last night we were there, I saw some dude leave this bar and I swore it was Brent Fortuny, or his evil twin. I tried to fight my way out of the bar, but when I got outside he was way down the street. So basically I gave up the dream. Then the next bar I went into, who was standing at the door, fucking Brent Fortuny, he almost passed out, it was pretty funny. In less than a month a Brad Leinbach sighting and then a Brent Fortuny run in, this means that I am bound to see Ramesh in Oxford, Mississippi later this season. Teaneckians, not to be outdone I also discovered that Marquette’s newest assistant coach is none other than former Highwaymen great Jean Prioleau. I had a chance to spend some time talking old school THS hoops with him.
But anyway, back to that great state of Alaska, the Last Frontier. First of all, it takes about nine days to get there. Okay, that is exaggerating a little bit, but it took longer to get to Anchorage than it did to get to Maui. Yes Alaska is all it is cracked up to be. It is downright cold, but it’s a dry cold. Yes there is fucking snow, everywhere. It snowed for a solid 50 hours straight at one point. It isn’t enough that there is barely any sunlight on a normal day, but then snow makes it the most dreary overcast gray day you have ever seen. Yes there were Moose abound in the city of Anchorage. Really, you can see them walking along the street and in peoples back yards, it is crazy. Unfortunately I did not get to wrestle any of the moose I saw, a long standing dream of mine, and I did not get eaten by a Polar Bear.
Now to some basketball. Hopefully you people saw some of the games, even though they were on really later here in the east coast. The first night was ho hum, playing host Division II Alaska Anchorage we were able to get a win; that is all that matters. Then on night two we made the best comeback in the 6 years I have been with the Gamecocks. Down by twelve at the half, to freaking Monmouth, we let them extend the lead to 17 points at the under sixteen timeout, then we went crazy on the back of Tarence Kinsey and won the game. Then on the final night in the championship game we played as good a regular season game as can be played. The Gamecocks and Marquette went toe to toe for 45 minutes that included 22 lead changes and 9 ties. Again Tarence Kinsey shined brightly on a big stage. I know he is not nationally recognized, but I firmly believe Kinsey is as clutch a player as there is in the collegiate game today. His signature moment was his game winning 3 at the buzzer to win the NIT. But he also was the MVP of the Guardians Classic his sophomore season, scored the first three baskets of the second half when we were down at home to Georgetown in the NIT quarters, and hit a career best 5 three pointers in an upset of #3 Kentucky last season. All weekend again he was outstanding.
Lastly, Alaska is the most ID checking place I have ever seen. Whenever you go into any bar they check your ID over like you are trying to get into that little computer room from Mission Impossible. They repeatedly checked two guys I was with who are both well into their 30’s, and one place actually denied me access after asking me my birth sign, year I graduated high school (I gave him the day also, just to be an ass) and signing a sheet of paper to compare signatures. Seriously, it was a little over the edge, but then I would see girls in da club (that is the cool ghetto way to say it) that looked like they just took their drivers ed mid term.
LINES OF THE WEEK: dream up your own scenarios that go with all of these lines.
BOY: “Hey, do you wanna dance?”
GIRL: “Oh, I wanna do more than dance!”
GIRL: “I guess I’ll just lie down here in the backseat with a coat over my head.”
GIRL: “Can I go pee in your room?”
BOY: “You can pee in my mouth.”
GIRL: “I think my sister and I are going to go bowling.”
BOY: “I got some balls you can play with.”
And now the absolute line of the week:
BOY: “My mom told me when I come up here to make sure I kiss an Eskimo. Well I am gonna call her and tell her, hey ma, I didn’t just kiss and Eskimo, but I fucked and Eskimo, Twice.
Favorite places to go in Anchorage include but is not limited to:
Humpy’s, The Great Alaskan Bush Company, The Glacier Brewhouse, F-Street Station, Sullivan’s, and the greatest club of all time Chilkoot Charlie’s, that place fucking rocked out!!
P.S.
Fuck the Woodshed and their ID checking assholes!!!
4 Comments:
Slipps, glad you made it back alright from the big trip. You should reprise the cancelled "Taradise" show with yourself playing the part of Tara Reid. If only you had huge cans. On a related note.. I was at an AHL Binghamton Senators game this weekend and none other than former York College RA Ryan Fraser was reffing. I don't know now much about hockey, but when the guy in my section repeatedly stood up and shouted "You are the biggest idiot I have ever seen" at Ryan, I know that things were not going so well. Long live Brent Fortuney. -WHP
I watched every minute of the Marquette game. I agree with what RT said on his God-awful radio show, that if it were Duke/UNC that played that game it would be an Instant Classic and already replayed 20 times. My biggest concern is that we have some pretty good post players, but they refuse to play there on offense. Balkman would have dominated Marquette's white guy, you know, the one who looks like his name should be Corky. Anyway, at least you guys didn't lose to Georgia Southern.
Funny, you getting eaten by a polar has been a long time dream of MINE!
That Kinsey fellow does sound really clutch with that impressive win over the always feared Monmouth!!
Damn that was supposed to say polar bear
Post a Comment
<< Home