All was Right with the World

‘Tis the season to be merry.
Well that’s my name, Merry
No shit!!

Sorry had a Christmas Vacation flashback. We will deal with that movie in due time. The Holiday Season is upon us (you have to say Holiday Season nowadays to be PC so the Jews and the Blacks don’t get upset). I for one refuse to acknowledge the Holiday Season until at least after I have had Thanksgiving dinner. As we know the rest of America starts celebrating the Holiday’s somewhere between 4th of July and Labor Day. My favorite part about the Season, besides eating of course, is the Christmas movie. There are the classics as we all know and then ever year there is a litany of new Holiday movies starring some actors of the day that will be shown one time and then thrown in the garbage where the rightfully belong. There is also the Christmas episode of every television show, which always moves me to violence (I mean tears). Now, we will review some of my favorites.

It’s a Wonderful Life. Ok so not a favorite of mine. I kind of see the appeal to this movie, but overall I think it is average at best. The only good thing that ever really came from this movie was a hilarious SNL Sketch with Dana Carvey doing a spot on Jimmy Stewart. I guess it has that true Holiday feel to it, where George realizes as long as he has the people who love him around he is a rich man.

Christmas Vacation. A vast departure from It’s a Wonderful Life, but nonetheless it certainly has its place among the Holiday favorites. This movie is brilliantly funny. Chevy Chase as the bumbling Clark “Sparky” Griswold is at his very best. The classic scenes of him trying to hang the light, him flipping out when the lights don’t work , and the peace de resistance when he has the melt down after being enrolled in the Jelly of the Month Club. According to Eddie, “That’s the gift that keeps on giving all year round.” Speaking of which, how the best supporting actor award is not named for Randy Quaid after his portrayal as Cousin Eddie is beyond me. He defines what a supporting chatacter is all about and absolutely steals the show. I love every second of this movie and cannot wait to watch 14 times this December.

A Christmas Carol. Of course this an all time great story from master novelist Charles Dickens. I fell in love one of the more recent incarnations of this movie made by TNT and starring Patrick Stewart as Ebenezer Scrooge. He plays the part very very well. The movie is well done with its attention to detail and it’s use of lighting and sound. It is the ultimate heart warming Christmas tale.

A Christmas Story. Here is where history is made. It is the Citizen Kane of Christmas movies. There is nothing that this classic does not have. The setting and scenery are absolutely perfect and bring back such a nostalgic feel. Even though I did not grow up in 1940’s America the movie places you back into your childhood and how the one present you wanted was the most important thing in your life. The movie at no point takes itself seriously, it is a cynical view on everything commercialized that Christmas has become. All the characters in the movie are charicatures of themselves. The father and mother, the Bumpus Hounds, Ralphie’s buddies, the bully Scot Farkus everyone has their place in Ralphies particular little world which revolves around the classic line, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” That is as identifiable a line as there is in movies, right there with, “ Rosebud”, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”, “Play it again, Sam”, “May the Force be with you”, “There’s no place like home.” Then in the end it has its true Christmas moment, that no matter what events have taken place in the last few days to make this family miserable, they are all together having a good laugh and enjoying each others company on Christmas night.

I will not tackle all these made for TV Christmas specials. All of these things look awful, there were 2 on last night and by my count at lest 4 more to come. I cannot wait to watch any of them. The one thing I am looking forward to is the Christmas episodes of M*A*S*H. As many of you know I love that show, and I love the Christmas episodes even more. They are excellent episodes. I cannot wait to watch every one of them, and all my other Holiday Classics.

And for those of you A-Holes who are going to tell me how great Bad Santa is and how it is a great Holiday movie I am gonna tell you all to suck it. I watched that movie this August and it is OK. It has it’s moments were it can be funny, but it is just set in the context of the Holiday season, not really and Holiday movie. Get over your Bad Santa fix, actually I saw Badder Santa the uncut version. I do love the fat kid in it who always wants to eat sandwich’s

The Weekend Wrap (11-19/11-21)

Things we learned:

-Joan of Arcadia is nothing short of spectacular television. Its second season is shaping up to be better than the first. Everything about it is so well done, it will be around for years to come and I love it

-South Carolina talks the talk in their annual rivalry with Clemson, but the Tigers walk the walk. It is that simple, you can argue over who it “means more too”, but it seems to me that it should mean more to the Gamecocks because they keep getting smoked.

-Black people love to wait in the car at malls and shopping centers and grocery stores. I live in a predominately black area and I see this all weekend long when I go to the store and it fascinates me.

-Auburn is still the best team in the land when it comes to college football. Down at the half on the road against their fiercest rival, they regrouped and came out and had a brilliant second half. That is what championship teams do

-The Simpsons is done. It has finally reached the point of totally unwatchable, and this coming from a guy who has about 200 episodes on tape. Matt Groenig has provided us with so much entertainment but this seasons installments are like watching a series of cancelled pilots. I cannot remember laughing at any point in any of this seasons episodes.

Things I disliked:

-White people. They of course showed their hidden race agenda’s when discussing the situation involving the fans and players in Detroit on Friday night. I have no problem with racists, just be honest about it. Stop trying to hide behind phrases such as “The Hip Hop Culture” or “Those thugs in the NBA.” Say what you mean, you don’t like black people, say it and have the fucking sack to say it.

-The comedian who does the annoying Taco Bell dog voice. I saw him on TV and he prides himself on impressions, he did a Hulk Hogan and Billy Crystal impersonation and I could not tell the difference between the two.

-Cell phones. Now most of you know my predisposition on these devices anyway. But out and about this weekend it seems that Cell Phones are more important than breathing to most people. They drive around aimlessly, almost nail people in parking lots on a routine basis, blab up and down store aisles, it is (to quote “Iron” Mike Tyson) ludicrous

-The bashing of all NBA players as “thugs.” It is so easy to dismiss things like this. Each person is an individual, isn’t that what all these people teach their children? To plant a label on all basketball players is a little thing called bigotry.

-The Wizard of Oz. This movie is disturbing, it was on TBS all weekend. I saw different parts all weekend long; flying monkeys, evil witches, lost girls etc this shit is disturbing for children. This movie should be rated R and in the horror section, not to mention thst star of the movie was a bigger drug addict than Michael Irvin and Roy Tarpley put together.


Things I loved:

-Wal Mart, I think you could make a sweet documentary film about this place. And all it would take is like 5 hours on a Saturday evening preferably somewhere in the South, you will meet unbelievable people. So much trash walking around

-Natalie Portman on Inside the Actor’s Studio. This woman is simply gorgeous. No matter what type of list you make of beautiful women she has to be up there. She seems to have a grace and humility about her that makes her that much more beautiful and a great catch for any man who may find the way into her pants, I mean heart.

-Ron Zook being carried off the field by his team after going 3-1 down the stretch. His players loved him and that has been evident since his firing. He has the program certainly headed in the right direction, it is a shame administration was forced to make this decision because of some stupid fans

-Gamecock basketball. We got a good win against a talented Western Carolina team. It was nice to finally play a game and we have two more this week.

-Me. I thought I had a good weekend

Did you know of the week:

The American space program just spent 250 million dollars to send a satellite probe into space to investigate gamma ray bursts (what is this, the fucking Hulk?) and to help find out what causes black holes in space. Hey don’t we have a deficit and homeless people and a war to fight? I cannot remember the last time a black hole or Gamma Rays had any effect on my daily life. Some of this space exploration shit is really starting to get to me

The Aftermath of Artest

The weekend has ended but the talk has not about the brawl at the Palace on Friday night. I have received many comments, both good and bad, to my post almost immediately after the event where I was not blaming Ron Artest for the entire incident. Maybe some of what I have said and posted on the internet was (the dreaded) “taken out of context.” My choice of words may not have been the best, but I certainly will not back down from my position.

Now the NBA has done its expected part in handing down suspensions and fines for all the players involved in the incident. Again (and this may sound dumb for somebody who is sort of defending Artest) I have no problem with what Commissioner Stern has done. He needed to hand down a suspension of which the likes have never been seen. He needed to do so in order to maintain a level of professionalism that his league may be lacking. However, I think it was just as important for Artest to go into the crowd and let the fans know that their behavior to has crossed the line (and in my opinion has been over the line for years) and there are consequences to your actions.

Would those same people have the balls to step to Ron Artest had they both just been walking down the street? I doubt it. The fans think they can act anyway the want and feel they are secure from repercussions this serious. The guy who threw the drink, the guy who was then taunting Artest (yes the skinny guy in the black shirt was verbally taunting him as he came into the stands) or the idiots who came on the court at Artest probably thought the most that would happen was they would get removed from the game. Well it seems they got more than the bargained for. Fans act inappropriately all the time, both verbally and physically (take it from a guy who is in the stands), and most of the time security and building personnel do nothing about it. Just because you have purchased a ticket does not mean you get to yell anything you want at a person. Don’t try and duck behind the First Amendment either, there is such a thing as hate speech. In many instances if you were to yell at guy in a normal work environment what you yell when you are in the stands you would get pummeled and or sued for some sort of defamation of character or hate speech.

As for the legal recourse that these fans may take, that is up to them. I do not feel that many of them have a very strong case. I heard one legal analyst (Roger Cosack) say he believes that any type of felony charges will be hard to come by. However, their may be misdemeanor charges brought against Artest, Jackson, O’Neal and Pistons/NBA Security. I think many fans will sue saying they were not properly protected against a player coming into the stands. They should have thought about that before they did what they did.

I think the NBA and all sports need to take a closer look at what they allow fans to get away with in the stands in regards to their behavior and to alcohol. Things have been boiling toward an event like this for sometime, it just took one idiot to throw something at the right guy, and Artest was clearly the right guy.

I think every player should be allowed once a year to take a certain fan they dislike and beat the living tar out of him, why the hell not we live in a violent society, let’s embrace it. The only thing that remains to be seen is whether or not Fox can have Celebrity Boxing with Artest and the 2 Chicano’s who came after him on the court, and maybe Fred Jones and that big black Dude, Jermaine O’Neal and the chair throwing guy, come on folks I would watch this stiff on Pay-Per-View.

Artest not to Blame

Yes, I will say from the outset I am a fan of Ron Artest as a basketball player. As a human being he certainly does have his problems. He gets very emotional when he plays the game of basketball and his opponents know this and they take advantage of it by bating him into situations where he will commit a hard or flagrant foul. However, on this night Ron Artest was innocent.

Artest fouled “Big” Ben Wallace on his way to the basket in what was routinely slow plodding Pistons/Pacers game. I was watching live and saw nothing flagrant in Artest’s actions. Ben Wallace took a vastly different view of the situation (the tape clearly shows Artest did not add anything verbally toward Wallace either) and came right back at Artest and snuffed him. Then, Artest reeling back still did not say or do anything but Wallace pursued. Teammates stepped in and there was the normal pushing and shoving and everything seemed to have calmed down. At this point the refs and coach’s were discussion whatever various technical’s and ejections their might be. That is when the fans of Detroit acted in a manner more despicable than any set of fans I have ever witnessed. Now be aware that I filmed a brawl that puts this thing to shame at a minor league basketball game in Lancaster, PA, but that was mostly instigated by the players and it spilled into the crowd.

I was not totally cognizant if what had happened to provoke Artest and Stephen Jackson to charge into the crowd, but knew it wasn’t for someone just saying something. After watching replays and listening to Jim Gray’s eyewitness account it was clear that a fan came toward Artest and began throwing things on him as he lay calmly on the scorers table enjoy the light hearted after moments of an NBA shoving match. Artest then jumped from the table and charged madly into the stands and began jacking up the dude that threw stuff at him. This next point I will stick to till the day I die, GOOD FOR RON ARTEST!!!! I would have kicked the shit out of the guy too, especially if he was a scrawny white dude like he was. That fan should have the sack to charge right back at Artest if he has the sack to throw shit on him. Most of the other players went into the stands to separate Artest and the fan (sans Stephen Jackson who went in, to quote Keith DeBlasio, throwing haymakers). Both Pistons and Pacers wound up in the stands. While there more fans began to throw stuff on the players and they even began sucker punching Pacer players. I will say it again; here the fans are unequivocally 110% wrong.

Fans do not have any right to be a part of the action. It does not matter how much you pay to go the game, you are a spectator. The definition of spectator is; one who looks on or watches. Nowhere in that definition does it say one who throws drinks, popcorn, haymakers, jump’s over railings, sucker punches participants, etc. They acted in a manner which makes me wonder if the Pistons should be allowed to ever have a home game again. Once the incident had died down and the game was cancelled (again because of the fans it was cancelled) they began to throw as much shit as they could. Fans began jumping over the railing by the Pacers locker room and charging toward Jermaine O’neal and Austin Croshere, for no reason I might add, neither of those guys fouled anybody or punched anyone in the stands. They poured out entire dinks on ever member of the Pacers they could (Reggie Miller and Chuck Person had expensive suites on too). If I were the Pacers I would tell the league that under no circumstances will I bring my players back to Detroit for a game this season. You can make me forfeit or whatever you want, eliminate me from the playoffs, but my players will not be treated to that kind of excessive abuse from fans.

People can post comments back to this and say whatever they want, I do not care. The Pacers and most especially Mr. Artest were the last ones to get involved in this entire incident. You can call Artest a punk or a loser or psycho, but in this case he was provoked by people who have no right to interact with him. I would hope that if anyone threw shit at you and poured stuff on you that you would step up and protect your manhood by throwing the guy through a plate glass window. I certainly know I would.

Desperate for Controversy

What? What? I have to wake up this morning to a major controversy over a thirty second skit that aired before Monday Night Football last night. Is this fucking necessary? You have got to be kidding me. I am really thinking about enacting physical harm on everyone involved in this “controversy.”

Basically this is what took place. Nicollete Sheridan (the resident whore of Desperate Housewives) came into the Philadelphia Eagles locker room in a towel and had some give and take with Terrell Owens. She dropped her towel (Hubba, Hubba) and hopped into Owens’ arms and he says something like my team will have to win without me. Ha, Ha, funny and cross promotional. As old as network television itself last time I checked. But apparently there were some people who watch this and phoned in calls of complaint with the FCC, the NFL, and ABC. Who are any of these people? What fat undersexed, out of work, nacho eating beer breathe smelling Eagles fan said to the themselves, “Hey why is some hot naked broad jumping into TO’s arms?” Then there comes the useless hypocritical apologies.

"The placement of last night's Monday Night Football opening segment was inappropriate. We apologize," ABC Sports said Tuesday.

Oh really, it was inappropriate. Well then why did you play it? Why is it inappropriate? Isn’t it just a take on the show, which you advertise as a “A primetime soap with a truly contemporary take on "happily every after," this new hour- long drama takes a darkly comedic look at suburbia, where the secret lives of housewives aren't always what they seem." Are you saying your sex driven adulteress laden show is inappropriate? Why not pull the show about suburban whore housewives? It does not seem inappropriate when you are getting 21.8 million viewers on Sunday nights does it. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites, not to be outdone by their partner in crime the National Football League.

"ABC's opening was inappropriate and unsuitable for our Monday Night Football audience," a league spokesman said in a statement. "While ABC may have gained attention for one of its other shows, the NFL and its fans lost."

Oh really? This is the same NFL that has sponsored websites for all 32 teams Cheerleaders, correct? And on all these sights are women more scantily clad than Rose McGowan at the MTV Movie Awards. The NFL also said they gave permission for ABC Sports to gain access to the Eagles locker room on Friday to tape the skit, but said they did not have final approval over the script and that Monday Night was the first time they saw the skit. Yeah and OJ didn’t do it. Come on people, how dumb do you think we are? Nobody in any sort of official NFL position saw the skit until Monday night my ass!!!!!!! This is the most meaningless “controversy” of all time.

I hope the NFL, ABC and all these people get together for a meeting and some deranged psycho walks into the room and takes them all down with a semi-automatic weapon. Geez, just when I think things are turning around and I won’t be filled with spite and anger shit like this happens and gives me little hope for the future.

It's Awsome BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

College hoops is about to get into full swing, and I for one am excited. While I have skipped over on making other preview posts like the NFL or NBA, I will give you my official guide to NCAA hoops. While some may disagree with my assessments, I don’t give a rat’s ass. In this post we will cover teams I like and don't like for various reasons. Identify Final Four teams, over/underrated, and my All American Candidates.

Here is my list of All Americans, unconventional and sometimes a little bit stoopid, but I do not care.

Chris Paul- As a Sophomore he is already a complete player. Coming into college he was full of hype and he has not disappointed. I think he is a better shooter than most realize and as his decision making improves he will become one of the best PG ever in the ACC.

Ray Felton- The old school Point Guard who thinks dish first. I think his scoring will be up this year and he could easily lead the nation in assists. He will be perfect for Roy Williams up tempo style they should tire teams out and lead to a 30 win season.

Kennedy Winston- I absolutely love Winston’s game. I think he is the most underrated player in the country. He is poised to have a huge year this year. He is skilled in all facsets of the game, he can score from anywhere on the floor and does it with such ease.

Hakim Warrick- He is nothing short of spectacular all over the court. I love his versatility and he plays so well in big games. He can rebound and block shots as well as anyone in the country. He has good range and he is unstoppable going to the hoop.

Ryan Gomes- I thought this guy was the second best player in the country last year. I still feel he is underrated. He will lead Providence to great heights this season with his exceptional scoring and rebounding ability.

Here are some of my underrated players. Gerry McNamara (Syracuse), Mario Moore (Vanderbilt), Sean Banks (Memphis), Paul Davis (Michigan State), Joey Graham (Oklahoma State), Carl Krauser (Pittsburgh), Craig Smith (Boston College), Travis Diener (Marquette), Andrew Bogut (Utah), Mustaffa Shakur (Arizona) and Cahrlie Viilenuava (UConn).

Here are some of my overrated players. Lawrence Roberts (Mississippi St.) Francisco Garcia (Louisville), Julius Hodge (NC State), Chris Thomas (Notre Dame), Luke Schencheser (Georgia Tech), Shelden Williams (Duke), David Lee (Florida), Keith Langford (Kansas), and Ronny Turiaf (Gonzaga).

Teams I think are overrated:

Texas- I don’t know why I just don’t like the make-up of this team. PJ Tucker is a good player but I am not in love with the overall talent on this club.

Maryland- I think John Gilchrest is okay and Nick Caner-Medley is good for a whitey, but I do not think they can compete day in and day out in the ACC this year.

Tennessee- They have all the talent to be a tournament team and they should be. However, I think they have the worst coach in America, he is only a coach at an SEC school because he stroked off Michael Jordan in college.

Washington- I am not a huge fan of Nate Robinson and I do not think they have a great deal of depth. They do plat in a so-so conference so they will get into the Big Dance.

Georgia Tech- They are like that Super Bowl team every year that sneaks up and makes it to the big game and next year they have everyone back and they suck. For reference see NY Giants, Atlanta Falcons, and Carolina Panthers. (or for you hoops junkies see the Wisconsin Badgers, Utah Utes, and Ohio State Buckeyes).


Team I think are Underrated:

South Carolina- Yes this is a personal pick. We were scoffed at last year and showed people and this year we have one of the most athletic teams I have ever seen. Plus our shooting should be much improved (if we TAKE better shots).

Alabama- Along with Winston this team brings back 3 other starters. They lost their point guard, but red shirted two 6’11 guys last season, and you can’t teach height.

Oklahoma- Again a personal pick. They should be healthy and with the return of All Big 12 player Kevin Bookout and JUCO All American Taj Gray they should be devastating inside.

My Final Four Possibilties:

Syracuse- Marvelously talented team, Boheim has one the big one and so have Warrick, Forth, and McNamara.

Kansas- Roy Williams always recruited Final Four talent, and the four seniors (Simien, Langford, Miles, & Lee) give them all the experience they need

Duke- Again a team with all the talent, if Daniel Ewing ever becomes the player he should be they could raise the trophy in St. Louis

Illinois- They have the best backcourt in the country, and the injury to Brian Randle may be a blessing because he will be fresh come March.

North Carolina- Great PG and great scorer and a coach who can get there, would be extra special to win one with the Alma Mater

Wake Forest- Talent is deep and they can beat you in all kinds of ways, if they can defend regularly they will be there in the end

Michigan State- I love this team and their Coach can really get the most ouyt of his players.

Alabama & Florida -are my surprise Final Four caliber teams. I think they have all the talent and experience needed to get their. I feel both these coach’s are feeling some pressure to take their programs to that elite level.


My picks are: Kansas, Michigan State, Illinois, and Syracuse. Rematch of the 2003 title game this time Kansas takes down the ‘Cuse.

The Weekend Wrap

A new segment here, that I am sure will last 2 weekends and then I will forget about it. We will try to cover as many quick hitting topics from all aspects of life.

Things we learned this weekend:

-Auburn us the best football team in the country, oh I mean college team, the best team in the country is still the New England Patriots.

-People are falling off of George Bush's cabinet faster than a Tibetin Sherpa losing his footing from Mt. Everset Summit base camp. (Anyone who knows that reference truly has more time on their hands then me)

-Southern weather blows; Freezing cold in the morning with heat blasting in the car. Sunny & warm by lunch time, air conditioning on. Cold and dark on the ride home, heat on light. Imagine what it feels like when you get home?

-The Polar Express either is average or The Incredibles is the best movie I have not seen this year, by evidence of this weekends box office numbers. The Polar Express has been the most highly anticipated holiday movie in years and finished a distant second with only $23 million.

-Women are still the seed of all evil. I got in trouble with two of the women I associate with for what I am not sure, but the weekend was ended with neither one of them being happy with me. Then come to find out that a friend of mine is trying to be screwed (not in the good way) by some skank that he knows, and yes this women deserves to be a skank.

Things I disliked this weekend:

-I cannot watch television, not so much because of the shows, but the damned commercials. If it is not a commercial for some new terrible reality show it is a Lance Armstong Bristol, Meyers, Squibb commercial. Products have increasingly gone to using music in their ads, and just taking great songs and trying to associate to their terrible product. I saw a commercial 400 times this weekend with the song "TheWeight" by The Band, and I have no idea what was being sold.

-People. Most especially the ones who are at the grocery store with me, the truly are a sucky group.

-The New York Giants. They are trying to ruin a good season, with losses to Chicago, Detroit and now Arizona. Geez. good job Tom Coughlin, have you drafted anymore guys who have knocked up your daughter?

-Lou Holtz insisting on playing a terrible QB to try and win SEC games.

Things I loved this weekend:

-That stupid Coors Light song thingy they do on SportsCenter for the weeks football highlights. That thing is cool.

-The way my Gamecocks played in their scrimmage this weekend. We looke like a team and did some really really nice things. It seems our team is rounding intop shape.

-The naked female body. Actually I love that everyday.

-The Death of ODB. Yes I loved it, he was worthless. He was a terrible "musician", a charlitan, a criminal, and the world is better off without him. What was worse was catching John Norris (the biggest no talent ass clown on the planet) report the news about ODB's timely passing and acting as if Paul McCartney or Bob Dylan had just passed away. To use a sports analogy the passing of ODB's is eqivilent to the passing of Felix Fermin. You say, "Who is Felix Fermin?" Well to a certain group of adults, mainly in my age range, who collected baseball cards the name Felix Fermin was synonomous with opening a pack of Topps or Donruss cards, you were certain to get a Felix Fermin. By the time you got one Canseco you had twelve Fermins. A not talent ass clown who had a limited amount of fame due to some quirk of fate that made him famous, ODB is dead and I rejoice!!!

-Dan Filowitz is still a great jew.


I beleive it was Darrell Hammond dressed as Bill Clinton in January of 2001 that said the follwing, and I could not agree more with these immortal words:
"Suck on it."

Showing my Versatility

Once again I will display why I am the most intelligent, versatile and wittiest writer on this terrible Blog site. Okay, I am the only writer on this site, but hey I need all the self praise and adulation I can get. Today's topics will have a range in them the size of Jenna Jameson's stretched out verticle smile.

Yasser Arafat is dead, and I could not be happier. There is no single person who has done more to hinder the abilty to make peace in the Middle East than the late Mr. Arafat. This fucking guy has a Nobel Peace Prize and Osama Bin Laden's mantle is empty? We need to get the Academy to rectify this situation. He bullied his way into power in the 1960's. In 1972 he
helped orchestrate the slaying of 11 Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics. He led numerous terrorist attacks on the people of Israel. There is no better news than this guy being dead. I know some say it may lead to more unrest, but could they find a bigger horses ass to run the Palestinian cause, I doubt it. Of course I am not sure that Arafat is dead yet. According to those in the Palestinian power structure Arafat was not sick at all when he was transferred to a French hospital. Just yesterday as reports of his declining health and impending death were surfacing, everything was fine, he was doing well. These Palestinian officials must have gone to the "Moham-med Saeed al-Sahaf School of Public Information & Journalism." For those who missed that joke, suck on it!!! Ding dong the Arafat is dead; Hussein is captured now all we
have to do is get Castro, Jong Il, and Rumsfeld out of power and peace will be ours.

Now let's get down to some serious business. Yup that's right, the Steve Spurrier rumors. For those not in Columbia, SC and only recently hearing about the rumors through ESPN you have missed out on 6 weeks of speculation and "inside source information." The internet has certainly changed our lives, and this Spurrier nonsense is a perfect example. Basically some
knuckleheads began rambling on about how we need Steve Spurrier to come to South Carolina and coach. Well once one guy runs with it, everyone has a cousin's neighbor's dog's past owner who once sold toiler paper to Ms. Spurrier when they lived in Durham while he was coaching Duke. It started out with him buying a house on Lake Murray here in Columbia (which would make very little sense since the school has a bought a house for the last 3 football coach's who have been hired here) and him openly lobbying for membership at Augusta National (President Hootie Johnson is a USC Alumn and good friend to Lou Holtz and AD Mike McGee). None of which is true. The internet speculation has picked up so much that some decision makers in the USC hierarchy thought it might be a good idea. So the fact is they have tried to contact Spurrier and his handlers, but that is as far as it goes. However, if you read the internet you would have found out that Holtz told his staff Wednesday night that he was retiring and that Spurrier was indeed going to take over. This internet has taken over this entire story. The fact is South Carolina has some appeal to Spurrier. Again, I am cautious to say it is a perfect fit for a few reasons; He is going to cost a great deal of money (upwards of 3 million) which is alot for a 60 yr old coach, secondly the reason he does not want to go back to Florida is because of the new school president who is a scholarly man and demands that his coach's and athletes are as well. Here at USC we also have a president who is not a fan of athletics as a whole, when we hired him away from Alabama the Crimson Tide athletic department had a party. Lastly, Spurrier hates recruting more than I hate white people. He would have to recruit his ass off in Columbia as opposed to Gainesville where you just take the recruit to one Wet T-Shirt contest and he is yours for life. Also the Ole Ball Coach has been known to change his mind; in 1995 he told the
Tampa Bay Bucs that he was their guy and then backed off and the same guy who told Dan Snyder thanks, but no thanks, then a day later called back and accepted the job. So please, let's all take it easy with the Steve Spurrier stuff. I still believe the perfect fit for him is at the University of Texas (just my hunch).

Have you people ever heard of this thing called the NBA? Of course you have, but much like voting for W or buying a Clay Aiken CD you all deny that you watch the association, but if someone started talking about it at the water cooler you would throw in your 763 cents. Yes the Associaion is our guilty sports pleasure, face it, it is fun to watch tall black guys dunk on other tall black guys, especially for small white guys who have no idea what a rim up close looks like (Darby, you not included I have seen your old ass get up for the downstroke). However, I find the major problem with pro hoops is now the player movement, I mean that is what scared me away from the NHL, I have no idea who is on what team. Last night I was listening to an NBA game on the radio and I heard the announcer say the names of about 11 players: I knew all 11 guys, where they attended college, and their approximate year of graduation or entering the NBA, the only thing I couldn't tell you was what 2 teams were playing. Appearently it was the Milwaukee Bucks and some team in Charlotte called the Bobcats. I thought Charlotte had a team called the Hornets, and I thought they moved to New Orleans two years ago? Anyway, I will once again praise, well, ME. I picked Andre Kirilenko with the 5th overrall pick in my fantasy league. This guy is amazing, but I do not like the nickname AK 47, it just sounds dumb. Plus soon some anti gun toting asswipes are going to get a hold of the nickname and begin to protest Utah Jazz games, don't laugh it will happen. He should do public service announcements for the NRA. I am on a mission to have him called "The Assassin." An assassin can kill you in so many ways exactly what Andre does, Blocks, steals, boards, assists, whatever it takes he can get it done.

Finally, tonite I present you with an akward situation. Last night I am playing poker with this group of people whom I am at best aquaintences with. In fact I do not know some of their names. In the middle of playing a young woman walks into the house and we definately knew each other. Oh yeah, she was someone there's current girlfriend. However, her and I do have a
history together. We had been out a couple of times about a year and a half ago. Now I of course, buried my head and kept playing poker. I have no idea how long these two people have been together, but I was not about to ask. We just hooked up, nothing serious just a few random dates here and there. She played as if she had no idea who I was, which kind of gave me an
idea that I should do the same. It was akward for a few minutes but then I just pretended she was not there. All in all it was a good evening, I played pretty well and was not forced to puncture anyones lungs with a golf club.

Who has time?

I love the fact that Dan Filowitz (A Great Jew) inspired me to begin this stupid website. It was a fantastic idea. Like so many of Dan's ideas it goes by unrecognized with the praise it so richly deserves. Now some of you may think this is a retirement speech coming, but you would be incorrect. I do some blog-hopping around checking out what other losers like myself have to say through the course of a normal day. I have found that these people like to provide you with links to other websites and blogs that they find interesting.

I have noticed that these people link no less than 200 other sites. I mean really who has the time to keep up with what 200 other people think about the weather outside today? My computer day is already filled with so many standards. I have to check my 4 e-mail accounts (yes I am that important) my 19 fantasy teams (which I always say I am not going to sign up for), then there is the daily, ahh who am I kidding hourly porn fix at www.thehun.com & www.newgals.com, plus ESPN, USCsports & GamecockCentral, CollegeHumor.com, JohnKerry.com to see what his latest "Plan" is, Michael Moore's site to see if he has posted anything since election night, who has time to read all these other blogs? Heck, I have to come up with my own material to keep Darby, Josh, Mark, Dan, and Martin entertained. So to all you other bloggers out there, I say suck on it!!!!

Actually, to my main man Yoni who responded to my Lord High Executioner Blog I do love your site and will check it everyday. other freak college basketball fans should check it out too
http://collegeball.blogspot.com

You know some of us do work for a living, which I was required to do last night as the Gamecocks had their first exhibition game, and boy did we look awful. We sucked from start to finish. Coach was not at the top of his game either, he made some very suspect moves. We were forced to play our best player, Carlos Powell, 33 minutes in a damned exhibition game, that is fucking dumb!!! Los played very well and so did Tarence Kinsey, he came out with the same fire and intesity he had last pre season, I only hope he can keep it going. The newcomers were very dissappointing. Rocky Trice played ok, but Dwayne Day and Stephen McDowell struggled to understand the speed of the game and what was going on. And the most anticipated newcomer Antoine Tisby was suspended for the game, so we did not get to see him play. All in all it was a miserable night, cannot wait for some more of them!!

Lord High Executioner

The election is over and people all over America (including some tree hugging hippie Colorado high school students) are worried about how the entire world is going to fall apart in the next 4 years. Again, I will reiterate that I do not see things as horrifically as everyone else, even my liberal friend and faithful Sergeant at Arms, Dan Filowitz (A Great Jew), once wrote:

Are things perfect here? Of course not. Is there plenty to complain about?
And make fun of? Of course there is. Is there anyplace on Earth you’d be
Better off living? Not a Chance, Jack.

Of course I have not yet spoke to a person about the election who actually voted for George Walker Bush. This is the second election where I have yet to meet someone who will admit voting for him. It is like a Britney Spears of Spice Girls CD, they sell 5 million copies but I never know anyone who has one. In talking to people a huge factor for people not liking Bush his is obvious faith based politics. Now being a person of great faith in the Lord, I am not totally opposed to it. However, there are a few things me and W disagree on (the rest of this is about abortion and my sick & twisted sense of humor, so if you are easily offended or just a fucking pansy, please go away now and never come back).

The President is not in favor of abortion or stem cell research, an obvious faith based right wing conservative view. I, however, believe in a woman’s right to chose, I think. Let me explain that; I am hard pressed to say what I really believe. I just think it is a difficult decision to make and I am glad I am not a woman. I think more women should keep their legs closed and their panties on (if you know what I mean). I will never have to decide on this, because:

I never plan on implanting my seed in any woman

If I do accidentally do that, I will claim she is a fraud and wait Maury proves I am that baby’s daddy

If Maury does prove her right, I will throw that woman off a boat (Scott Peterson knows what I’m talking about).

I have come up with, what I consider a strong plan to deal with women who want to have an abortion. The President should name me “Lord High Executioner.” It boils down to being a difficult job, by I think I am a man of the people and can fulfill the role quite well.

Here is how it works; you want to have an abortion you have to come to Washington, DC and set-up an appointment to see me. Now, I make it a point to keep strict office hours, nobody in the office before 10 am and Pardon The Interruption comes on a 5:30, so I am done at 5. I know this is not a great deal of hours, but I am the man in charge and I am very busy with Playstation 2 and Saved by the Bell re-runs. You come into see me and I take a look at you, if you are ugly that baby is a goner. We have enough people that look more horrific than me; we certainly do not need anymore. If you are under 20 and are unmarried, bam you are done with that pregnancy. We will then have a discussion for a few minutes, about whatever is on my mind. If you fail any of my little quizzes in that conversation, that baby is ooouuuuttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaa HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the quizzes could be anything: Who were the Axis powers? Why does the Run & Shoot suck? Why is Andrew Zoltan superior to all men? You never know so be on your toes when you come to my office.

Today I throw down the pledge that only baby’s that need to be aborted will be. George Walker Bush I put it to you to hire me as “Lord High Executioner.” I will require a car, a small apartment and about 60 grand a year, all things I know our government can afford.

I hate Websites, this was supposed to be the other Post

Below was supposed to be a brilliant post about yesterday’s election. Since the computer felt like not posting it, I will have to summarize what I was trying to say.

-Bush had a clear campaign message; Kill the terrorist and brown people. Kerry didn’t, his platform was “I Have a Plan.” What is that?

-Kerry relied on the young vote, that never works. It is like trying to win the Super Bowl with no defense

-Bush received more votes than he did last election, and became the first candidate since his father to get over 50% of the vote. Not even Slick Willy did like that. No more complaining that Bush stole the election. He beat you people twice now.

-John Edwards = IDIOT!!! This guy was no help at all. The Dem’s need to drop this guy like a bad habit, he is useless. He will never be an important political figure again.

-2 things that made me sick: “This is the most important election our lifetime.” Shut up assholes, every one is important. Watching MTV coverage where P. Combs Diddy Daddy Puff Sean and John Norris spoke about the youth vote and “the people of our generation.” This 2 idiots are both over 35, what the fuck do they know, they are not young people, suck on it jerks.

-Lastly, the line of the night goes to CBS News Anchor Dan Rather:
“Do you hear that?..............Knock………..knock………..knock…………..That is the sound of George Bush knocking on the door for his second term.”
Say it in a slow Dan Rather Texas Style.

Ooops, He did it Again

The Race

Ahh, yes folks, the day is at hand. That's right Election Day 2004. Now before I get to into things, let me get some things off my chest that are going to make me puke: The name is pronounced TA-REEEEEEESA, not TA-RA-SA I don't care what anyone says and if I hear Rockafeller Center called Democracy Plaza one more time I am gonna kill someone at NBC or MSNBC. Now we have two choices for President of the United States, the incumbant George Walker Bush and the Challanger John Forbes Kerry. Let's establish the fact that both of these men were born into rich privileged families and neither know what it is like to really be me (son of middle class working suburban parents who had to scrape money together to get by, but managed to provide for four children and send us all to college), but when have we ever had a "man of the people" in office? I am fine with the fact that these 2 are privileged assholes. And yes I am going with 2 people for President, I think voting for anyone else is simply a wasted vote. Well let's get to the candidates shall we..

President George Walker Bush. Nobody ever said this guy was the best and brightest to ever graduate from an Ivy League school, yet he has worked his way up to be President. His time in office has had the most international upheavel since Franklin Roosevelt was in office. Bush reacted with a marvelous amount of calm after 9/11. He knew the moment it happened who had done it and that there had been a major breach in homeland security. Bush provided a great deal of leadership through that tough time. I think he reacted in a good time frame and he has done a very good job in helping keep any more attacks from happening and trying to destroy the network of the al-qaida terrorist group. Now in his time in office we have had a rough time with the economy. Many working class Americans have lost their jobs and his tax cut did not work as well as he and others had hoped. However, the economy was on a down turn in early 2000 at the end of the Clinton Presidency, not that his administration did anything wrong it is the ebb and flow of the economy. In the past six months labor jobs have gone up and the unemployment rate has begun to come down. People graduating college are finding a better job market than those who graduated in 1999 & 2000 when I graduated. Lastly, I feel Bush has made a very concentrated effort to improve public education in this country. The No Child Left Behind Program has slowly begun to bring up minority standards in some of the biggest cities in America. I do believe George Walker Bush is a strong leader, I must say I kind of dig his dumbness. When he speaks from the heart and off the cuff he is much better than planned political speaches. I believe his Presidency will continue to show strides in improving jobs and raising educational standards.

John Forbes Kerry is part of another one of my great, un-recognized predictions. Soon after Al Gore blew his shot at the Presidency four years ago people were discussing who would be the next Democratic Candidate. Some mentioned the Clintons or even Gore again, but I always felt Kerry was someone who could represent his party well. We all know about his service to the country both as a soldier in the Navy and as a United States Senator. One of his best assets as a Senator was his willingness to work across party lines and propose legistlation with Republicans. His record as far as education is a little weak. He was in favor of No Child Left Behind but now seems to think that the program has not been successful. Many times he has voted to cut educational spending for various reasons. He has a strong belief in resolving the conflict in Iraq in a timely manner. He believes that our troops are undermanned and under equipped. He has said that he will increase miltary spending and up the amount of Special Force troops that we have. I think that these are very important and strong measures that are needed to combat terrorism and resolve the war in Iraq. Kerry also has a good plan for health care across the board, and too many this is a very important issue. He believes that in his time in office he can get every child and up to 98% of all Americans covered for health care costs. I do think Kerry can make a good President and I think he has the experience to help move this country forward in a positive direction.

As you can see I am trying to look for good in these candidates. You can always pick apart things that all of these guys have done that make them bad people. Let's be honest, someone who wants to be President has a strong belief in this country and the people of it. I do think both candidates will do a great deal of good for this country. I hope that all the people who say they will turn out to vote do indeed turn out. This is an important election and I believe America is the greatest country and has the best democratic process, for if I did not believe that I should move to another country. All this being said I will be voting for George Walker Bush on November 2. I am very interetsed in seeing how things shake out tommorrow and I encourage all of you to do what you feel is right for your country.