What's up with That?
Where have you gone Kris’ Blog sight,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you
Whoo……whooo……….whoooo
What’s that you say Mrs. Robinson
Kris has eaten his weight in cheese
Heeyyy…heyyy……heeyyy
ut alas, I return; sour, bitter, sullen, and generally angry at the world. The hiatus was good; it gave me time to rest my brain. Like Dave Chappelle, I have not gone crazy, but I did spend some time in South Africa hanging out with some bushman and making clicking noises with them. Unlike Mr. Chappelle it wasn’t $50 million that made me return. Mainly it was Bobby Seigle annoying me to death that he now has nothing to read on the internet. So Bobby, here’s to you, “You fucking dick.”
The main thing we are going to do here for now at The Wisdom is some Top 10 lists. Why? Because yes I am conforming. Everyone now is making lists of something. And I must admit it makes things nice and tidy. Last week however, Bravo TV Network (which I usually enjoy) did its list of Top 100 Funniest Movies. The list could not have been more wrong. Now obviously my lists won’t go 100 deep, because that would be boring. Most lists will be 8-10 deep, maybe on occasion a list of 15. The first list is obviously going to be my rebuttal to Bravo’s 100 Funniest movies. Some other lists that my interns are working on are: Top 10 Movie Quotes, Top 10 Simpson’s Episodes, Top 10 Springsteen Songs, Top 8 Robert DeNiro Movies, and Top 10 Sports moments of the 90’s (and maybe of the 00’s).
Now to some things that are generally pissing me off:
6/6/06 was yesterday date. Of course morons and news reporters had something to talk about because of the “ominous” date. What a bunch of freaking asswipes they are. 6/6/06 is not akin to the satanic number 666. Yesterdays date without the slashes is 6606. Now had this been 6 AD, then yes the date would have been 666. Alas we were about 2000 years off on that one you fucking Rhode scholars. And people wonder why this world is driving me insane.
Have you noticed all the lemons that are sneaking into your water? I mean, Hey, what’s up with that? Seriously, when I ask for a glass of water I don’t want a lemon. In fact a few weeks ago at a friends rehearsal dinner they had about 15 lemon slices hanging out in the pitcher of water that they were pouring. I asked if I could just get some water, what they where serving was lemonade. That is what you have when you mix water and lemons, lemonade. It’s an entirely different drink, all together. “It’s and entirely different drink.” (By the way any Cheers and Airplane! Fans should be laughing hysterically because of the references made in the paragraph, but I am sure you missed them all).
Lastly, and this one always bothers me and creeps up from time to time, what’s up with smoking? Now this is coming from a guy who has never had a single cigarette in his life. I never saw the appeal. My mother smoked when I was a child, and all it did was smell like shit and make me cough. Where is the appeal? And nowadays at bars, restaurants, and general social occasions I truly believe a lot of people do it for the arrogance of it. They make it such an act to smoke a cigarette, as if to say “hey look at me, I am smoking a cigarette, ain’t I cool.” These are the same assholes (male and female) who wear there sunglasses inside then take them off. He cockface, you know you are walking in doors, just take the damned things off before you get there. I don’t get sunglasses all that much either, much like smoking. The sun has never bothered me to the point of needing sunglasses, especially because I don’t spend my spare time staring at the sun. People I know do this; put there sunglasses on to walk 25 feet from their front door to the care, remove the sunglasses, then get out of the car, put them back on to walk another 30 feet or so into their office or place of employment. Is this truly something you need to spend money on? Much like cigarettes, it is a wasted expense in your life. Don’t complain to me that you don’t have enough money to pay for gas if you spend $5 for a pack of smokes and you smoke 4-10 packs a week, or if you have ever spent more than $12 on a pair of sunglasses.
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you
Whoo……whooo……….whoooo
What’s that you say Mrs. Robinson
Kris has eaten his weight in cheese
Heeyyy…heyyy……heeyyy
ut alas, I return; sour, bitter, sullen, and generally angry at the world. The hiatus was good; it gave me time to rest my brain. Like Dave Chappelle, I have not gone crazy, but I did spend some time in South Africa hanging out with some bushman and making clicking noises with them. Unlike Mr. Chappelle it wasn’t $50 million that made me return. Mainly it was Bobby Seigle annoying me to death that he now has nothing to read on the internet. So Bobby, here’s to you, “You fucking dick.”
The main thing we are going to do here for now at The Wisdom is some Top 10 lists. Why? Because yes I am conforming. Everyone now is making lists of something. And I must admit it makes things nice and tidy. Last week however, Bravo TV Network (which I usually enjoy) did its list of Top 100 Funniest Movies. The list could not have been more wrong. Now obviously my lists won’t go 100 deep, because that would be boring. Most lists will be 8-10 deep, maybe on occasion a list of 15. The first list is obviously going to be my rebuttal to Bravo’s 100 Funniest movies. Some other lists that my interns are working on are: Top 10 Movie Quotes, Top 10 Simpson’s Episodes, Top 10 Springsteen Songs, Top 8 Robert DeNiro Movies, and Top 10 Sports moments of the 90’s (and maybe of the 00’s).
Now to some things that are generally pissing me off:
6/6/06 was yesterday date. Of course morons and news reporters had something to talk about because of the “ominous” date. What a bunch of freaking asswipes they are. 6/6/06 is not akin to the satanic number 666. Yesterdays date without the slashes is 6606. Now had this been 6 AD, then yes the date would have been 666. Alas we were about 2000 years off on that one you fucking Rhode scholars. And people wonder why this world is driving me insane.
Have you noticed all the lemons that are sneaking into your water? I mean, Hey, what’s up with that? Seriously, when I ask for a glass of water I don’t want a lemon. In fact a few weeks ago at a friends rehearsal dinner they had about 15 lemon slices hanging out in the pitcher of water that they were pouring. I asked if I could just get some water, what they where serving was lemonade. That is what you have when you mix water and lemons, lemonade. It’s an entirely different drink, all together. “It’s and entirely different drink.” (By the way any Cheers and Airplane! Fans should be laughing hysterically because of the references made in the paragraph, but I am sure you missed them all).
Lastly, and this one always bothers me and creeps up from time to time, what’s up with smoking? Now this is coming from a guy who has never had a single cigarette in his life. I never saw the appeal. My mother smoked when I was a child, and all it did was smell like shit and make me cough. Where is the appeal? And nowadays at bars, restaurants, and general social occasions I truly believe a lot of people do it for the arrogance of it. They make it such an act to smoke a cigarette, as if to say “hey look at me, I am smoking a cigarette, ain’t I cool.” These are the same assholes (male and female) who wear there sunglasses inside then take them off. He cockface, you know you are walking in doors, just take the damned things off before you get there. I don’t get sunglasses all that much either, much like smoking. The sun has never bothered me to the point of needing sunglasses, especially because I don’t spend my spare time staring at the sun. People I know do this; put there sunglasses on to walk 25 feet from their front door to the care, remove the sunglasses, then get out of the car, put them back on to walk another 30 feet or so into their office or place of employment. Is this truly something you need to spend money on? Much like cigarettes, it is a wasted expense in your life. Don’t complain to me that you don’t have enough money to pay for gas if you spend $5 for a pack of smokes and you smoke 4-10 packs a week, or if you have ever spent more than $12 on a pair of sunglasses.
5 Comments:
Kris DeBlasio... you remain the funniest person i know!!
Imperial ~
I like the shout out. My life is complete with you in it, that's the only way I can explain myself. SO F U!
it's good to have you back, kris.
I love it. You hate sunglasses and lemons. There is nothing strange about that. Keep up the good work. Willie
Sorry I'm late, but to quote the immortal Troy McClure, "It's good to be back. I wouldn't have done it without my beloved wife Selma, take a bow sugurplum.
"Down in front!"
HJS Out
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