The Weekend Wrap 2/17-2/19
In the business, it’s called “re-tirony”
Barry Bonds sort of announced that he will be retiring after this current season. Now everyone who believes that please raise their hands. Okay, I see no hands are up, I tend to agree. Now, may this be Barry’s last season, sure it could be. But do I believe he has made up his mind now, not a chance. Barry has been known to be slightly outspoken in his time, so for him this is nothing new. There is no more ardent supporter of Bonds than myself, but what happened is nobody has really been talking about him coming into this season; everyone is focused on the World Baseball Classic. So Barry, being an a typical egotistical athlete, decided it was time to shift the focus back on him. Barry will break the homerun record than retire, and the reason he will wait until he breaks it is so that he can shove it up everyone’s ass. He could look at the record books and see his name at the top, no matter what people think of him.
I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir
A 5’9 guy wins the slam dunk contest and a 7 footer is the three point shootout champion? What the heck is going on here folks? All big guys want to pretend they are shooters, but few are big Dirk. And every little guys dream is to be able to throw down; well Nate has got some crazy hops. Let’s address this Slam Dunk “controversy.” I have long thought I should be the commissioner of every sport, and this Slam Dunk contest is one reason why. I firmly believe that certain time the dunk contest should be cancelled after someone pulls out something to ridiculous to behold. Here are a few examples: When ‘Nique threw down that sick reverse in 1987, when Isaiah Rider went between his legs for the first time, and when Vince Carter did his first ever slam dunk contest dunk (the wrong way reverse 360 windmill thingy). And this Saturday night we had another opportunity to save everyone time, once Andre Igoudala knocked down his second dunk. I don’t care if Nate Robinson jumped over Shaq (which would have been more impressive than leaping my sister), Iggy started on the wrong side of the basket. Do you realize what he did? I want everyone to try just leaping from out of bounds and trying to throw in a reverse lay-up. Never mind catching a pass and keeping enough elevation and stride in your jump to dunk a ball while going away from the basket. Iggy is my champion, forever!!
What did the old man trade for these assholes, a used puck bag?
What the hell is going on with the hockey teams from this continent? We could have packed up a bunch of Mexicans and sent them over to Turin to compete about as well as the US and Canadian teams. Really, what is the point of stopping the damned NHL season to send these crackpots over there to get their brains beat in. I know America is not the greatest hockey nation, but hell we might not make the damned medal round, that is embarrassing. I know everyone is going to say, its just Olympic hockey and nobody gives a shit, but still if we are going to bother to make an effort we have to put forth a better effort than this. The only thing that is making it okay for me right now is the fact that Canada sucks too, that is cool because those freaks live for hockey up there, and they say Eh a lot.
Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him
In my time in college athletics I have had the opportunity to meet some famous people, in the world of athletics, entertainment, and other forms of being famous. But this weekend I was up close and personal with someone who is going to be in history books. Not some no talent run of the mill celebrity of now, nope a real international newsmaker in his day. Friday afternoon at our basketball practice one of our team doctors comes in to watch for a few minutes and standing with him is a gray haired man probably in his late 60’s early 70’s. Most likely I assumed in some way he was related to Dr. Katz, either father or father in law of some type. I continually stare at the older man, because he looks eerily familiar. Alas, I have to leave practice early and do not get chance to talk to the Doc before I leave. The next morning as we are getting ready for our game, a friend says to me, hey did you see Dr. Katz and his father in law yesterday. I said yeah I did, not realizing that indeed it was someone famous. My friend says can you believe he is married to Oliver North’s daughter. What? My head about fell off, Ollie? Then, no more than fifteen minutes later Dr. Katz comes strolling in and says hey Kris I want you to meet my father in law Colonel North. How fucking bad ass is that? Oliver North, he was a cool dude too. After the game I got a chance to talk to him a little bit, and even informed him that since we lost and this was his first game here watching us that he was most likely not invited back. Hah, I talked shit to Oliver North.
Normally we have done an old school rap lyric of the week and if you name the artist and song title you win a prize. This week I want you to name the movie or TV show in which each of the headlines appears in. I get creative with the stuff, but at least to me they are very funny.
Barry Bonds sort of announced that he will be retiring after this current season. Now everyone who believes that please raise their hands. Okay, I see no hands are up, I tend to agree. Now, may this be Barry’s last season, sure it could be. But do I believe he has made up his mind now, not a chance. Barry has been known to be slightly outspoken in his time, so for him this is nothing new. There is no more ardent supporter of Bonds than myself, but what happened is nobody has really been talking about him coming into this season; everyone is focused on the World Baseball Classic. So Barry, being an a typical egotistical athlete, decided it was time to shift the focus back on him. Barry will break the homerun record than retire, and the reason he will wait until he breaks it is so that he can shove it up everyone’s ass. He could look at the record books and see his name at the top, no matter what people think of him.
I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir
A 5’9 guy wins the slam dunk contest and a 7 footer is the three point shootout champion? What the heck is going on here folks? All big guys want to pretend they are shooters, but few are big Dirk. And every little guys dream is to be able to throw down; well Nate has got some crazy hops. Let’s address this Slam Dunk “controversy.” I have long thought I should be the commissioner of every sport, and this Slam Dunk contest is one reason why. I firmly believe that certain time the dunk contest should be cancelled after someone pulls out something to ridiculous to behold. Here are a few examples: When ‘Nique threw down that sick reverse in 1987, when Isaiah Rider went between his legs for the first time, and when Vince Carter did his first ever slam dunk contest dunk (the wrong way reverse 360 windmill thingy). And this Saturday night we had another opportunity to save everyone time, once Andre Igoudala knocked down his second dunk. I don’t care if Nate Robinson jumped over Shaq (which would have been more impressive than leaping my sister), Iggy started on the wrong side of the basket. Do you realize what he did? I want everyone to try just leaping from out of bounds and trying to throw in a reverse lay-up. Never mind catching a pass and keeping enough elevation and stride in your jump to dunk a ball while going away from the basket. Iggy is my champion, forever!!
What did the old man trade for these assholes, a used puck bag?
What the hell is going on with the hockey teams from this continent? We could have packed up a bunch of Mexicans and sent them over to Turin to compete about as well as the US and Canadian teams. Really, what is the point of stopping the damned NHL season to send these crackpots over there to get their brains beat in. I know America is not the greatest hockey nation, but hell we might not make the damned medal round, that is embarrassing. I know everyone is going to say, its just Olympic hockey and nobody gives a shit, but still if we are going to bother to make an effort we have to put forth a better effort than this. The only thing that is making it okay for me right now is the fact that Canada sucks too, that is cool because those freaks live for hockey up there, and they say Eh a lot.
Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him
In my time in college athletics I have had the opportunity to meet some famous people, in the world of athletics, entertainment, and other forms of being famous. But this weekend I was up close and personal with someone who is going to be in history books. Not some no talent run of the mill celebrity of now, nope a real international newsmaker in his day. Friday afternoon at our basketball practice one of our team doctors comes in to watch for a few minutes and standing with him is a gray haired man probably in his late 60’s early 70’s. Most likely I assumed in some way he was related to Dr. Katz, either father or father in law of some type. I continually stare at the older man, because he looks eerily familiar. Alas, I have to leave practice early and do not get chance to talk to the Doc before I leave. The next morning as we are getting ready for our game, a friend says to me, hey did you see Dr. Katz and his father in law yesterday. I said yeah I did, not realizing that indeed it was someone famous. My friend says can you believe he is married to Oliver North’s daughter. What? My head about fell off, Ollie? Then, no more than fifteen minutes later Dr. Katz comes strolling in and says hey Kris I want you to meet my father in law Colonel North. How fucking bad ass is that? Oliver North, he was a cool dude too. After the game I got a chance to talk to him a little bit, and even informed him that since we lost and this was his first game here watching us that he was most likely not invited back. Hah, I talked shit to Oliver North.
Normally we have done an old school rap lyric of the week and if you name the artist and song title you win a prize. This week I want you to name the movie or TV show in which each of the headlines appears in. I get creative with the stuff, but at least to me they are very funny.
5 Comments:
Let's see. Barry is Lamar. We all love him. Noody gives a shit about the NBA or its slam dunk contest. We also couldn't care less about Olympic hockey, and actually, I didn't reallize the NHL was on hiatus. And Ollie North is a real stand up guy. No, I mean it. He is fucking awesome. I would love to talk contra affairs with that dude.
Why doesn't the "b" always work on my computer!?!??!?!??!!!??!???
Dan, that is good, but those were the two easy ones. I knew, especially, you would get those two. And yes of course I saw Brokeback, it was a really good movie, however all movie review stuff is being saved until Oscar week next week.
I would assume the trading for assholes was from Slapshot cuz there are few other hockey films worth quoting or that you would have seen...
Barry is Barry and if the 6-year olds in the MLB media wanna run to the phones over any little thing he says, it's their own fault when a journalist with a little more time actually listens to the man...
Well, whatever...
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that thought the slam dunk was over when Carter did a reverse 360 windmill slam to start and effectively end the slam dunk competition. I said it then and have stuck by my word - I have no need to watch that event again, even if I'm told Jason Richardson could do the same thing...
Bored to death with life and awaiting my demise OUT
Let me know when you meet Peter North. The Geyser rules!!!
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