Movies, Movies, Movies!!
Another Friday Double Matinee today and I have plenty of news from my aisle side seat. First let me talk about white women, whom I saw plenty of at the movie theatre. I saw plenty of nice young ass and a few mothers that were worth throwing a bone too. But there is one inherent problem with white women, where the hell are their asses? I am so disgusted with white women flat pancake asses, to quote Cliff Klavin, "What's up wit dat?" A white women with an ass is kinda like a mule with a spinning wheel, nobody knows where she got it and danged if she knows how to use it.
Now to the movies, I saw Anchorman & King Arthur and it will be imperitave that you read both reviews, but first let me talk about the previews. Again there are just way to many of these things and most of them are for movies that suck. Catwomen, what could possibly be the appeal of this awful idea for a movie? And don't say Halle Berry in a cat suit, I have internet porn. Then I saw these two previews twice, one is some sort of buddy film with Seth Green, Dax Sheppard (the guy from Punk'd), and Mathew Lillard (the comic relief in the first Scream) and they meet Burt Reynolds in the woods while they are on some crazy adventure, I could not tell you any sort of plot. Then there is the diversity film, Harol & Kumar go to White Castle, again having a hard time trying to find a plot to this one, and every joke in it looks so unfunny I cannot imagine how anyone would make this film. Put it this way, the trailer to Kangaroo Jack looked ten times as good as the trailer to this film. Then a preview comes on where some government agency discovers a pyramid 2000 feet below the tundra surface of Antartica. So they have to go investigate and they find all corps and stuff and it seems like maybe a cool scary type movie, but for some reason when they get down there Alien and Predator show up and battle each other and the humans, I mean this trailer went from something that peaked my interest to something that I have no idea why these 2 80's movie creatures where hiding in a pyramid underneath Antartica? I am so confused on how someone can write this screenplay then prepare a treatment and present this to movie executives, and then the executives say, "sounds like a here is a billion dollars, make me a winner Johnny."
There are plenty of other bad ones coming out, but some that look good are The Bourne Supremecy (I liked the first one and I think Matt Damon is an excellent actor), a new Exorcist film which looks cool, The Village (which has a shot at being entertaining, even though it is a cross between Children of the Corn & Village of the Damned), and Collateral looks like it has a chance to be ok (I like Tom Cruise & Jamie Foxx)
Anchorman, let me be frank when I say this was an unadulterated piece of crap. I love Will Ferrell and think he is hilarious, but he missed his mark on this movie. I will give you what I think is the funniest part of the movie, right at the beginning this graphic appears; This is based on actual events. Only the names, location, and actual events have been changed for this film. I was the only person laughing at that, and then that was maybe the last time I laughed. Anyone who is a fan of Fred Willard stealing a movie with few lines then you will like this, he is great. Ferrell sidekicks in the movie are funny and the feud they have with Vince Vaughns news team is amusing. Ferrell's is by far the least entertaining person in the whole movie. It was like watching Ferrell & crew's first year of SNL when they just kept trying to be funny and you were praying for each skit to mercilessly be over. Dodgeball was way funnier and that was not very funny. I would totally not recommend this for anyone, people I am serious when I say save your money.
Next is King Arthur, which I though was well done. It was not great and it had some Braveheart type moments that were a little cheesy. It was a vastly different look at the Legend of Arhtur and his knights that has been portrayed on screen. There was not a huge deal with Merlin and all the sorcery or Guinevere and her slutiness. It focused on the knights and their quest to fulfill their duties. It showed the first origins of the legend of Arthur (the 5th century version) where he battles the Saxons and it is torn between his allegiences to Rome and to his Woad (Britania native) tradition. If you are a fan of the whole tale of Arhtur and the like then I feel you will enjoy this movie. It is a good watch at the theatre and his something that will not leave you totally dissappointed like say, Anchorman.
Now to the movies, I saw Anchorman & King Arthur and it will be imperitave that you read both reviews, but first let me talk about the previews. Again there are just way to many of these things and most of them are for movies that suck. Catwomen, what could possibly be the appeal of this awful idea for a movie? And don't say Halle Berry in a cat suit, I have internet porn. Then I saw these two previews twice, one is some sort of buddy film with Seth Green, Dax Sheppard (the guy from Punk'd), and Mathew Lillard (the comic relief in the first Scream) and they meet Burt Reynolds in the woods while they are on some crazy adventure, I could not tell you any sort of plot. Then there is the diversity film, Harol & Kumar go to White Castle, again having a hard time trying to find a plot to this one, and every joke in it looks so unfunny I cannot imagine how anyone would make this film. Put it this way, the trailer to Kangaroo Jack looked ten times as good as the trailer to this film. Then a preview comes on where some government agency discovers a pyramid 2000 feet below the tundra surface of Antartica. So they have to go investigate and they find all corps and stuff and it seems like maybe a cool scary type movie, but for some reason when they get down there Alien and Predator show up and battle each other and the humans, I mean this trailer went from something that peaked my interest to something that I have no idea why these 2 80's movie creatures where hiding in a pyramid underneath Antartica? I am so confused on how someone can write this screenplay then prepare a treatment and present this to movie executives, and then the executives say, "sounds like a here is a billion dollars, make me a winner Johnny."
There are plenty of other bad ones coming out, but some that look good are The Bourne Supremecy (I liked the first one and I think Matt Damon is an excellent actor), a new Exorcist film which looks cool, The Village (which has a shot at being entertaining, even though it is a cross between Children of the Corn & Village of the Damned), and Collateral looks like it has a chance to be ok (I like Tom Cruise & Jamie Foxx)
Anchorman, let me be frank when I say this was an unadulterated piece of crap. I love Will Ferrell and think he is hilarious, but he missed his mark on this movie. I will give you what I think is the funniest part of the movie, right at the beginning this graphic appears; This is based on actual events. Only the names, location, and actual events have been changed for this film. I was the only person laughing at that, and then that was maybe the last time I laughed. Anyone who is a fan of Fred Willard stealing a movie with few lines then you will like this, he is great. Ferrell sidekicks in the movie are funny and the feud they have with Vince Vaughns news team is amusing. Ferrell's is by far the least entertaining person in the whole movie. It was like watching Ferrell & crew's first year of SNL when they just kept trying to be funny and you were praying for each skit to mercilessly be over. Dodgeball was way funnier and that was not very funny. I would totally not recommend this for anyone, people I am serious when I say save your money.
Next is King Arthur, which I though was well done. It was not great and it had some Braveheart type moments that were a little cheesy. It was a vastly different look at the Legend of Arhtur and his knights that has been portrayed on screen. There was not a huge deal with Merlin and all the sorcery or Guinevere and her slutiness. It focused on the knights and their quest to fulfill their duties. It showed the first origins of the legend of Arthur (the 5th century version) where he battles the Saxons and it is torn between his allegiences to Rome and to his Woad (Britania native) tradition. If you are a fan of the whole tale of Arhtur and the like then I feel you will enjoy this movie. It is a good watch at the theatre and his something that will not leave you totally dissappointed like say, Anchorman.
1 Comments:
Too few of you are going to read this, but if you're looking for white girls with ass, let me introduce you to the Deep South.
Down here, before Jethero and Cletus (Great Monorail reference, by the way) get to these girls and they swell up like the chick in Willy Wonka that ate the blueberry, they got nothing but ass.
Now, you're not going to get real ass, like a 13 year old Hispanic chick, before she swells up, or a sista, but they got enough to make a quick double take when they pass by.
Granted, you'll have to fight off their family for first dibs...
Billy Jo Bob OUT
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