Lets get some things Straight
I have so many things to get off my fat chest.
What the fuck is with SUV's in this damned country? This whole SUV shit is out of control. First of all these things take up so much space on the road, you cannot see anything around them. Godforbid you are trying to make a turn and one is abstructing your view, you could not see Godzilla coming from behind one of these things. All these things do is suck down gas like a high school girl sucks dick at a Toga Party. They are always among the least safest vehicles on the road and most of the people who have them require no more than two seats in their car. Most of them have no more room inside of them than my Saturn does, they just give the illusion that they are roomy and they are just plain uncomfortable. If you have a some kids and a family it is so much more economical to get a Mini Van which get great gas mileage (and all you people do is complain about gas prices while you ride around in these fucking things that get 2 miles to the gallon) and are always among the safest vehicles around. All you fucks say you care about your kids and your families and you insist on putting them at great risk by driving around in these death machines, but instead of flying your family to Florida on a plane, which you are all deathly afraid of, you put them in a terrible vehicle on the road for 12 hours, a circumstance where they are way more likely to pay with their lives.
This country is so obsessed with sex it is ridiculous. The other day I am watching television and a commercial for Certs comes on and the hot blonde actress talks about how much "bigger" Certs now are. After some other nonsense in the commercial she talks about how "bigger" Certs should "last longer" and gives sexy wanna suck your dick smile to the camera. Is this what America has come too, we need sex to sell Certs? This country has losts its freaking mind, no wonder all these kids are going around having children all the damned time, everything is Sex, Sex, Sex!!
Now another thing I have a problem with is the fact that we have 2 different pills that can help old, horny, sex obsessed people get a hard on. Hell Levitra advertises how it may give you a four hour erection, but have we come up with anything to help cancer patients? Or maybe something to battle MS? No, but shit if old people really need to slap some old wrinkly asses we got all the pills you need.
A little over a year ago NASA flew and unmanned space probe to Mars (which is 33,900,000 to 249,000,000 from Earth) with a rover inside of it. We successfully landed the probe on Mars and since have controlled the rover all around the surface of "The Red Planet", but I cannot get cell phone reception in my apartment? What the hell is wrong with this picture? I mean seriously, we obviously have the nerds to be able to create such things, lets get them snapping on some cell reception. Whenever I go under an overpass my signal goes out, but a bunch of MIT grads who get laid less than me are playing with a joystick in Houston and controlling a little toy truck on Mars.
Finally, did you ever notice how they organize things in a grocery store. Always at the end of the fruit & vegetable section they have the Tostitos and Oreos and all that shit. They are always right next to each other. Are they trying to guilt people into something? Coming from a a true fat person, I could care less if I have to walk past the asparagus to get to the Doritos. I love Doritos, hell you could put some bulls from Pamplona in my way and I am going to get those fuckign tasty ass Doritos. Fat people will always get there food, like Heroin addicts will get there smack.
What the fuck is with SUV's in this damned country? This whole SUV shit is out of control. First of all these things take up so much space on the road, you cannot see anything around them. Godforbid you are trying to make a turn and one is abstructing your view, you could not see Godzilla coming from behind one of these things. All these things do is suck down gas like a high school girl sucks dick at a Toga Party. They are always among the least safest vehicles on the road and most of the people who have them require no more than two seats in their car. Most of them have no more room inside of them than my Saturn does, they just give the illusion that they are roomy and they are just plain uncomfortable. If you have a some kids and a family it is so much more economical to get a Mini Van which get great gas mileage (and all you people do is complain about gas prices while you ride around in these fucking things that get 2 miles to the gallon) and are always among the safest vehicles around. All you fucks say you care about your kids and your families and you insist on putting them at great risk by driving around in these death machines, but instead of flying your family to Florida on a plane, which you are all deathly afraid of, you put them in a terrible vehicle on the road for 12 hours, a circumstance where they are way more likely to pay with their lives.
This country is so obsessed with sex it is ridiculous. The other day I am watching television and a commercial for Certs comes on and the hot blonde actress talks about how much "bigger" Certs now are. After some other nonsense in the commercial she talks about how "bigger" Certs should "last longer" and gives sexy wanna suck your dick smile to the camera. Is this what America has come too, we need sex to sell Certs? This country has losts its freaking mind, no wonder all these kids are going around having children all the damned time, everything is Sex, Sex, Sex!!
Now another thing I have a problem with is the fact that we have 2 different pills that can help old, horny, sex obsessed people get a hard on. Hell Levitra advertises how it may give you a four hour erection, but have we come up with anything to help cancer patients? Or maybe something to battle MS? No, but shit if old people really need to slap some old wrinkly asses we got all the pills you need.
A little over a year ago NASA flew and unmanned space probe to Mars (which is 33,900,000 to 249,000,000 from Earth) with a rover inside of it. We successfully landed the probe on Mars and since have controlled the rover all around the surface of "The Red Planet", but I cannot get cell phone reception in my apartment? What the hell is wrong with this picture? I mean seriously, we obviously have the nerds to be able to create such things, lets get them snapping on some cell reception. Whenever I go under an overpass my signal goes out, but a bunch of MIT grads who get laid less than me are playing with a joystick in Houston and controlling a little toy truck on Mars.
Finally, did you ever notice how they organize things in a grocery store. Always at the end of the fruit & vegetable section they have the Tostitos and Oreos and all that shit. They are always right next to each other. Are they trying to guilt people into something? Coming from a a true fat person, I could care less if I have to walk past the asparagus to get to the Doritos. I love Doritos, hell you could put some bulls from Pamplona in my way and I am going to get those fuckign tasty ass Doritos. Fat people will always get there food, like Heroin addicts will get there smack.
1 Comments:
We need SUV's, especially with HEMI power. I don't really know what HEMI power is, but the voice on the commercial tells me that real men, men that work construction, haul boats, lumber and large metalic things and wear hard hats, real men like that need HEMI power in their SUV. Real men actually drive pickup trucks, big pickups that can move the Empire State Building with the Sears Tower in the back, but since I have a wife and two kids that need to watch DVD's so I can continue to ignore them, then wonder why they hate me and steal my money to buy drugs and alcohol, if all this is to happen like it should, I need to have an SUV to fit all of us, groceries, my mother's wheelchair, Barney the dinosaur and the Orb of Isis, so I went down to the car dealership to get my HEMI powered SUV.
The other thing is with my SUV is, when I drive around in it, women find me attractive. They see me in a car that puts me even further into debt, even closer to needing to call the Debt Management Service which perfectly describes me - "I'm so deep in debt. I'm scared and I don't know what to do, so I end up doing nothing." But if I have the SUV, women won't see that. They'll see a man that knows what he wants, that's got a big smile on my face like the Exhedra guy and is willing to pass along whatever STD I got from that stripper in Miami along to you, you low self-esteem female willing to put your tits on the glass, pushed up by a bra and closer to my face with your heels to hide your height, wearing tighter and skimpier black mini skirts than women who get paid to take their clothes off.
You need me and I want you to fake emotion for the 3 minutes it will take for me to bust a load on my truck space in my SUV. Come here, sweetie.
What's that? You gotta go give head to an MIT guy who's researching a planet we'll never inhabit, who's encouraging spending on shit that really means little to the everyday person in the long run. What does any discovery on Saturn or Mars going to do for the millions that starve everyday, or the millions of kids that go to sleep without any knowledge of their moms or dads or the kids that know their parents are down the street at the crack house.
But if we know Mars is red, they'll be able to sleep better.
I would be able to sleep better knowing that I had an SUV in my driveway, some cock pills in my pocket and another chance to win the presidency.
Bob Dole OUT.
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