Women, can’t live with them, Pass the Beer nuts
Here today we dive deep into the abyss of hell that is my personal life. While most of the time this site is dedicated to the misery of others, we shall now focus on me. Why you ask, well I love me, I fucking rule.
It is not secret that I am not the best when it comes to “relationships” with women. I think I was born without the chip in my brain that allows me to continue any type of sustained romantic/sexual relationship. So here I am running on ice with a multitude of women. All names will be withheld for the sake of protecting the women involved in my sad pathetic life.
First is some damned skank whom I met a few weeks ago at the strip club. Now, obviously, I knew from the start that anything here was doomed for failure. No, she was not one of the artful performers, she was a waitress. Very hot, very ummmm well big chested. We have spent some quality time together, but our schedules do not exactly match up very well. Plus it turns out she is a huge piece of white trash, which I cannot really handle. She has an ex-boyfriend whom she still talks to and the long term future of this relationship are zero, so I have decided to put an end to this affair. Man she has Great New York Boobs though!!
Second is the wonderful and talented friend from a long way away. Well not that far, but far enough that it is hard to try and get anything going. Right now she is in the Ballina* stage for the second time this fall/winter. For whatever reason she seems determined to just lead me around, but never really make it easy for anything to develop. I had hoped to get her to visit me sometime in the near future. However, the Ballina leads me to believe that that will not happen anytime soon. I will see her in February but I am sure she will try to avoid me at all costs. We shall see.
Next is a beautiful young grad student whom I met at a bar recently while out with some friends. Yes, I have some friends, and yes I was out in a social situation. Well we had a great time chatting it up and flirting and the whole nine yards. So as the evening was winding down (and by that I mean I wanted to leave because I hated everyone there) I asked her for her phone number. The dialogue went as follows:
KRIS: Hey, do you think I could get your number so I could call you and we could hang out sometime?
GIRL: Yeah, that would be a great idea. It is 000-0000.
KRIS: Thanks.
GIRL: Well it was nice meeting you. Be sure to call me soon so that we can hang out. Look forward to seeing you.
KRIS: Girl, the pleasure was all mine, have a good night and a nice holiday weekend.
Well anytime now she should be calling me back. I have tried calling and received nothing in response. Why give me your number and tell me to call you? Or give me a fake number, that would be cool. She could even say, well I do not think that would be a good idea because you are a hideous land porpoise and I could never be seen in public with you. Again, I would have so much more respect for her, but instead she toys with me by giving me the digits and then not calling back. That dirty dirty whore!!! Now she must pay!!!
Then there are a few other little things. One is this attractive female whom runs around in the same circle of people that I do. The only problem is I have hung out with her roommate a few times, though nothing has happened. So it may be awkward if I start pursuing her, because I have tried to get in her roommates pants. While it is not the “Roommate Switch,” it is a version of it that I am certain I cannot pull off. Then there is the love of my life. She knows who she is if she wants to accept it, and anytime she wants to move back here and marry me she is more than welcome too.
What I do not understand about all this is why? Again, I am not the best looking guy in the world, but I have some redeemable qualities. People say I am a fun guy to be around, I am funny, I am loyal and honest. I guess all of these are not qualities women are looking for. Maybe I am destined to live my life like that of my hero George Costanza.
I proclaim this the Winter of Kris!!!
*Ballina is a term set forth by the honorable Robert J. Agnoli. It is taken from the former East Stroudsburg State Kineseology Graduate Student Annette Ballina who excelled at not calling someone back and then seeing them at a later time and acting as if nothing had happened.
It is not secret that I am not the best when it comes to “relationships” with women. I think I was born without the chip in my brain that allows me to continue any type of sustained romantic/sexual relationship. So here I am running on ice with a multitude of women. All names will be withheld for the sake of protecting the women involved in my sad pathetic life.
First is some damned skank whom I met a few weeks ago at the strip club. Now, obviously, I knew from the start that anything here was doomed for failure. No, she was not one of the artful performers, she was a waitress. Very hot, very ummmm well big chested. We have spent some quality time together, but our schedules do not exactly match up very well. Plus it turns out she is a huge piece of white trash, which I cannot really handle. She has an ex-boyfriend whom she still talks to and the long term future of this relationship are zero, so I have decided to put an end to this affair. Man she has Great New York Boobs though!!
Second is the wonderful and talented friend from a long way away. Well not that far, but far enough that it is hard to try and get anything going. Right now she is in the Ballina* stage for the second time this fall/winter. For whatever reason she seems determined to just lead me around, but never really make it easy for anything to develop. I had hoped to get her to visit me sometime in the near future. However, the Ballina leads me to believe that that will not happen anytime soon. I will see her in February but I am sure she will try to avoid me at all costs. We shall see.
Next is a beautiful young grad student whom I met at a bar recently while out with some friends. Yes, I have some friends, and yes I was out in a social situation. Well we had a great time chatting it up and flirting and the whole nine yards. So as the evening was winding down (and by that I mean I wanted to leave because I hated everyone there) I asked her for her phone number. The dialogue went as follows:
KRIS: Hey, do you think I could get your number so I could call you and we could hang out sometime?
GIRL: Yeah, that would be a great idea. It is 000-0000.
KRIS: Thanks.
GIRL: Well it was nice meeting you. Be sure to call me soon so that we can hang out. Look forward to seeing you.
KRIS: Girl, the pleasure was all mine, have a good night and a nice holiday weekend.
Well anytime now she should be calling me back. I have tried calling and received nothing in response. Why give me your number and tell me to call you? Or give me a fake number, that would be cool. She could even say, well I do not think that would be a good idea because you are a hideous land porpoise and I could never be seen in public with you. Again, I would have so much more respect for her, but instead she toys with me by giving me the digits and then not calling back. That dirty dirty whore!!! Now she must pay!!!
Then there are a few other little things. One is this attractive female whom runs around in the same circle of people that I do. The only problem is I have hung out with her roommate a few times, though nothing has happened. So it may be awkward if I start pursuing her, because I have tried to get in her roommates pants. While it is not the “Roommate Switch,” it is a version of it that I am certain I cannot pull off. Then there is the love of my life. She knows who she is if she wants to accept it, and anytime she wants to move back here and marry me she is more than welcome too.
What I do not understand about all this is why? Again, I am not the best looking guy in the world, but I have some redeemable qualities. People say I am a fun guy to be around, I am funny, I am loyal and honest. I guess all of these are not qualities women are looking for. Maybe I am destined to live my life like that of my hero George Costanza.
I proclaim this the Winter of Kris!!!
*Ballina is a term set forth by the honorable Robert J. Agnoli. It is taken from the former East Stroudsburg State Kineseology Graduate Student Annette Ballina who excelled at not calling someone back and then seeing them at a later time and acting as if nothing had happened.
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