Very Random Thoughts

One of these things is going to be very graphic and sexual in nature, so those with a weak stomach be warned.

Weather men, really are these guys necessary. I have been inundated with Hurricane talk over the past few weeks. All these people do in an area were I am is scare people into believing something life threatening coming this way. Basically through all of this Hurricane talk and all the tornado warnings and all the sever weather advisories, we got about 2 hours worth of heavy rain and some 20mph winds last night. Thats it, thats the list. With the way these guys come on the air and say things like "We've been tracking this storm for several hours.....blah..blah..blah." And nothing happens, it is really time for these people to go. Plus with the advent of the internet I can go check out the satellite and see when it is raining in my area. No need for these people.

I have never been a huge fan of this show, but over the last few weeks I have watched the West Wing a good bit during the day. Why is it that someones office is always dark when some secret or something is being revealed. I understand it is for dramatic effect, but it does nto work when it is totally unnatural. the vice president was about to reveal that he did bang some wome or something and when he was telling hsi staff all of a sudden the office was cast in shadows. Five minutes earlier the office was well lit and looked fine. It just seems to me, especially when recreating the White House in TV or Movies that they do not put enough lights in the room. Every time I see a picture of the real White House it seems to be very well lit.

Black guys and there sexual habits and appetites make little sense to me. This guy I know recently banged some really fat nasty whore. She revealed to him that her fantasy was to be gang banged. Not an unusual request I guess. So he called some his boys and they called some of their boys and got together and decided it would be a good idea. So they went to her place and with her 9 yr old kid asleep in the next room they had a gang bang. Dicks flying around sticking it everywhere, no doubt a decent amount of STD's being exchanged and they have no problem with this. But have you ever asked a brother if he would orally pleasure a women? They act like you are asking them to spend a week at a leper colony. They refuse to do it, but they will just sling there mandingo around with mulitple people at the same time. What the hell sense does that make?

Again totally random thoughts today. Just some things that have been racing around this fat head of mine. Oh yeah, got some good news today, the great George Carlin is coming to Columbia, SC next Wednesday night. I cannot wait, I am getting tickets and going to experience a lifelong dream of seeing him in concert!!!! That willbe a truly great evening in my life. Everyone is invited to be there if they would like to join me.

Baseballs Burning Issues & Post Season Awards

(For the serious Baseball Geek only!!)

Now we are back in my wheelhouse. Sports and, more importantly, Baseball is really my passion. There seem to be three issues facing the baseball fan of the day: When to pitch to Barry Lamar Bonds, should Shawn Green play on Yom Kippur, and is Ichiro selfish &overrated. Also, I will release my totally unanticipated post season awards. I do not need another week to tell you who the MVP, Cy Young, Manager of the Year, and Rookie of the Year are, I already know, and regardless of what else happens, I am always right!!!

Barry Lamar Bonds is better than you. And as most of you know he is my favorite player, so maybe there is a certain amount of bias that goes into this, but I do not care. It is dumb to walk him as much as teams do. Think about it logically, at his best he is going to get on base 40% of the time. When you intentionally walk him, you know what his percentage of getting on base, yep you guessed it 100%. When you get on base, you have a chance to score, which is what the game is all about. Bonds scores 34% of the time he is on base. He has been intentionally walked 111 times, which gives him 37 free runs basically. Bonds has come to the plate 16 times with runners on second and third, he batted 2 times and was walked the other 14. He scored in 11 of those 16 situations. Obviously he did not score when he got out, so of the 14 walks he scored 11 runs that is 78%. Stop walking him, pitch to him, he will not hit a home run every time, although that is what we all want to see. Your cheating him, yourself and the fan when you employ this tactic.

This same type of argument leads me right into the Ichiro overrated backlash which is something I have read and heard over the past week. Where the hell did this come from? This guy is at the top of the order, the table setter as they call it is baseball. He has pounded out 247 hits for an average of .372. One of the knocks on him is that he does not score enough or is selfish. How getting hits and getting on base is selfish is mind boggling to me. He does not score enough? Well who’s fault is that? Last time I checked he has teammates who are paid to do that. Ichiro scores 33% of the time he is on base, not much less than Barry Lamar Bonds. He gets on base, he has the second highest OBP in the American League. What more does someone want from a leadoff hitter? Ichiro is paid to get on base using the skill of batting, and he does that better than anyone.

Finally, we have the issue of Shawn Green and his religion. Green has missed games for Yom Kippur in the past but this year it is magnified because the Dodgers and Giants are deadlocked in a battle for the playoffs, and facing each other this weekend. To me there is no issue, if he wants to go to synagogue and use the day as it is intended according to his beliefs, then synagogue it is. Screw your teammates, last time I checked your religion has something to do with your eternal salvation. Rob Dibble of ESPN (whom I like, and Martin hates) says that Green owes it to his teammates to play, when he signed the contract. Hey listen pal, screw the contract, if Dodger management has a problem with it they will take the steps they feel are necessary to discipline or financially burden Mr. Green. Then Mr. Green will take them to court and get his money back. But make no mistake about it, this man is firm in his beliefs and he should spend the day with his family in prayer and reflection upon his sins over the past year.

AL MVP: Call me a homer, call me what you will. Gary Sheffield (.294 36 117)has kept the Yankees together. This man has played through and assortment of injuries and has kept producing for a team that has had lackluster pitching and turmoil and struggle throughout their lineup.

AL CY YOUNG: Johan Santana (19-6 2.65 254K’s/217 IP). He has made every start for his team, he is the ace. Has not given up more that 3 runs in 20 consecutive starts, and boasts a 0.92 WHIP for a starter. SICK!!!

AL MANAGER: Eric Wedge, Cleveland Indians. This team is all young unproven players. Before the season they traded away there only All-star Caliber player at the time, Milton Bradley. Wedge kept this team competitive for the Central and the Wild Card longer than anyone could have expected and turned out 3 AL All Stars.

AL ROOKIE: Lew Ford, Minnesota Twins. He has been a pleasant surprise for the Twins. Many expected another Twins rookie, Joe Mauer, to contend for this award. Ironically Mauer being injured helped secure room on the roster for Ford. Who has played all outfield positions and batted over .300 has be a key part to Minnesota winning the Central again.

NL MVP: Yes Bonds is the MVP, but I am gonna give JD Drew (.313 31 90) some dap. He has been the single best player on a team that nobody thought would do anything. He has been consistent and help lead the charge of the Braves into first place and cruise to there 14th consecutive division title. In June & July the Braves went 40-21 Drew batted .322 with 14 HR’s and 38 RBI.

NL CY YOUNG: Can we call this award the Roger Clemens. He was retired, done finished!!! He started over 30 games, won 18 and had an ERA around 3.00. He is the best, this will be his 6th Cy Young.

NL MANAGER: Bobby Cox, look at his roster. I will Say no more.

NL ROOKIE: Khalil Greene, he batted .273 and belted 15 HR’s as a rookie for the San Diego Padres. He recently broke his finger and is out for the season, but he was still the best rookie in the NL. His defense electrified crowds in San Diego like nobody since the Wizard of Oz. He is going to be a fixture in San Diego for years to come.

E! News, DeBlasio Style

Britney marries?, Cat Stevens deported, and the new fall season premeirs everywhere. First, lets get some things straight. Please do not read this post and write me comments, like "I don't care about Britney, or what is on TV. I do not even watch TV." Yes you do care, otherwise there would not be a cable station for just ridiculous entertainment news. Also, I really despise people when they say they do not watch television. This is really big for famous people like actors and singers to say. They somehow think they are on a higher intellectual plain if they do not watch television. Last Thursday night for example, 22 million people watched CSI, 20 mill. watched Survivor, 16.5 watched Will & Grace, 16 watched Without a Trace, 15.9 watched Apprentice 2, and 15.5 watched Joey. That is an average of 17 million viewers per show, on one single night!! Over 99% of American homes have a television, more homes have a TV than have indoor plumbing. Stop saying you do not watch TV!!!

Britney marries, again!!! I knew I should have taken her in my Liz Taylor pool over J-Lo. Techincally she is not married, because for once the money grubbing man is trying to steal as much money as he can in a pre-nuptial agreement. Finally, a man is trying to do what so many women do, he wants $3 million for every year that they are married. That is awesome. In reality he has no right to that money, but god bless him for going to get it.

Yusaf Islam, formally know as folk singer Cat Stevens was deported back to England earlier this week. This man made some of the great music of his time and has been recognized for that. But please stop making a big deal out of this, he is now a muslim and has in the past supported (knowingly or unknowingly) charities which fund terrorist activities. So you know what I say, Fuck 'em. Send his ass back to England.

Now to the fall premiers of old shows that we love and new shows that we will soon love. All August I was inundated with the commercials for a show called Lost on ABC. Here is the official description of the show:
Forty-eight people have survived a horrific plane crash in the South Pacific -- but they were 1,000 miles off course when it happened, so no one knows where they are. What's more, one of them was traveling in handcuffs and leg irons (for what crime, we don't know), and the remote island is home to some mysterious things lurking in its interior.
I tried watching this thing last night, and we need to clear some things up real fast. First, the whole back of the plane ripped off and 48 people survived? I can deal with that, maybe. Now lets get to the complete rip off portion of the show. I remember watching this one time, when it was called Lord of the Flies. Remember they stole the fat kids glasses, I do, I am the fat kid!!! Tom Hanks wrote and starred in a good movie calle Cast Away, and boy if this thing didn't almost steal dialogue right out of that movie. The pilot explains how they were diverted and ar a 1,000 miles of course and how people are looking for them in the wrong place. Remember Tom Hanks had this discussion with a volleyball, I swear the dialogue is 98% similar. I mean do these TV people even try to come up with their own ideas? Then there is a Jurrasic Park feel to the entire thing. Some mysterious creatures are out there eating people, and from some of the quick cuts they appear dinasour like, to the rain when they are in the mysterious forest to highten the sense of fear. This thing is dreadful and is justa total rip off of all kinds of shows and movies. Heck, soon there is going to be a surfing competition on the island and one character is going to give the other an ancient artifact he found to wear around his neck that turns out to be a bad luck charm and the surfer hits his head and almost drowns because of it(for those idiots out there, that was a Brady Bunch episode in Hawaii).

Lastly, the show I still love. You can give me all your CSI's, Cold Case, SVU, Third Watch, or any other crime drama, but for my money Law and Order the original is still the best. The new season premeired last night and it did not miss a beat even though its longest running character Lenny Brisco (Jerry Orbach) was replaced. The new detective is a slick walking and talking older guy, with a pocket full of cash (and maybe some mob ties?) named Joe Fontana, perfectly cast with the great Dennis Farina. This show is simply the best, everything about it, the writing, the stories, the acting, the editing. Sam Waterston as "Black" Jack McCoy is brilliant, he is very passionate in his job as the DA. I think this season will be really interesting, there are going to be some great twists and turns. I still watch this show over any of those other pieces of crap copy cat shows.

I'll Never Covet the Presidency

There are many obvious reasons why I would make a great president. However, in these troubled times, the President and other leaders are faced with an arduous decision this day, and one that I do not envy them for. One American hostage has already been beheaded by terrorists and they are threating to do the same to another American and a Briton. What are leaders like Tony Blair and George W. Bush supposed to do? Either way they are wrong.

These terrorists have asked to have 2 Muslim clerics released in order to ensure the safety of these prisoners. Okay, so we release the Clerics, right? Well what good does this do? First off the reason we are holding the clerics is because they are extremists who are part of a world wide network of terrorists who hate and want to kill Americans. So we now take 2 people who hate us, and by all means should be even more bitter because they have been detained by us, and let them free to go back to their teachings of hate and Jihad against the west. Now, do we have any assurance that these terrorists will let these two civilians go? Oh, that's right, we don't. It is not like these peoples named are signed on the Geneva Convention. Most likely they would probably still harm these men.

Now what where to happen if we do not release these Clerics. They will kill the hostages and probably take more. Then where does the cycle end? Should we just cease all military operations and civilian aid to the people of Iraq? What's to say that these terrorists will not begin to do this in other countries, such as Israel, Indonesia, Pakistan, or Afghanistan?

I just don't know what these leaders should do. And yet we spend most of our time arguing over whether or not George W. Bush had a bad flight record in National Guard training 30 years ago. Or whether or not John Kerry accidentally shot his own foot and then claimed it happened while engaging the enemy. What the hell is wrong with us, we spend most of our time on these trivial things and we have civilians getting killed in Iraq and still have a threats against our civilians in the homeland. A homeland where we spend less time educating our kids than we do taking them to soccer practice. This country views and priorities are so skewed how can we expect a president to act in the best interest of the people, when most of the people are fucked up? I do not envy those people who sit in those seats of power, I am fine with my middle class worker status.

I need Help

Unfortunately this is not going ot be some psychotic rant about how I want so many to die in a kiln explosion, but I still do want that to happen. I actually need everyone who reads this (and judging by the amount of responses to my most recent posts, that is nobody) to send me an e-mail at my new address. For some reason my e-mail address deblas722@hotmail.com which I have been using for upwards of 8 years now has just decided to crap out for some reason. I cannot log into it or anything. So if anyone has sent me an email since thursday that is semi important and needs to be read, please try re-sending it to my new address, which is
ChunckyLuva53@hotmail.com
Also, just anyone whom I know please just send me an email so that I have your address, this is going to be a process to re-collect everyones address, but I would appreciate all of your respective help. So that is all for now, hopefully my reclaimation project works.

The Little things, Ralphie!!

Oh it is those little things in life, that we love and that make us so damned pissed off all the fucking time. I had just written a brilliant column and when I went to publish it my computer had some damned error and I lost the whole freaking thing. I hate computers, they suck, like women, they are always out to get me!!! That just absolutely set me off on a profanity laced tirade that Clark W. Griswold would be proud of. I had just written a beautful crafted piece of material thanking all of you for suggestions and letting you know I was working hard on most of them. Then told you about my favorite stand up comedians and some funny jokes from them, and now it is all ruined. Well fuck it!!!

I was driving home this evening, on the "Interstate" (as they like to call it down south), and was cruising along in the right hand lane of a 3 lane road at a solid 62 mph's in a 55 zone when some redneck idiot from behind jerks his car into the shoulder and goes zipping past me holding the finger out of the window at me? What the hell? Had I done something wrong that I did not know about? I immediately looked to my left and notice there was not a car within shouting distance. Clearly he could have stayed within the boundaries of the law and defensive driving and passed me in the center lane. Hummm, what was this redneck doing? I thought, hey maybe I should track this guy down and beat the living dog crap out of him, but then I thought to myself WWJD! That's right What Would Junkyard Dog Do? And of course JYD would continue on his way home, eat some doritos and check out midget porn on the internet. So that is exactly what I did.

Without further interruption, my favorite stand up comedians:

Bill Cosby- Bill Cosby Himself is the tied for the funniest stand up routine ever. I saw him about 2 years ago, he was clean and improvised 60% of his act and I pissed my pants for 2 hours.

Dave Atell- This guy is my hero. He has such a great sense of hatred toward things. He does not pull any punches, and has some great "story told" jokes.

Mitch Hedberg- "I used to be in a death metal band, people either loved us or they hated us.......or they thought we were OK."

Eddie Murphy- Eddie Murphy Delirious is tied for the best stand up routine ever, he was raw energetic and brilliance all rolled into one, then he made Vampire in Brooklyn.

Jay London- "I went for an AIDS test, and my doctor told me to think positive." That is a great joke, and he has millions more were that came from.

Rodney Dangerfield- He is the last of the old stand ups. The guys that really grew up doing this tuff out on the edge. He helped make stand up comedy a true art form.

George Carlin- This guy is way more brilliant than anyone ever on stage. He is the thinking mans comedian, with material that would make a professors head spin. He has always been out on the edge and willing to take a jab at anything, nothing is off limits. "I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's."

Lewis Black- I put him on the same plain as Carlin. His material is social commentary as well as comedy. He is way more informative and truthful than any news correspondent we have out there.

Andrew "Dice" Clay- He created and indelable character on the face of american pop culture. He tore the cover off of arenas like no other stand up before or since. He was a rock and roll star on stage.

I Leave you with my 2 favorite stand up jokes of all time, both come from Lewis Black (Martin you were there):

"I was sitting there at the International House of Pancakes, when from behind me a young women at the age of 23 uttered the following, and it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States, if it weren't for my horse, I would have never spent that year in college. I will repeat that, because it bears repeating..........IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY HORSE, AS IN GIDDY UP GIDDY UP LET'S GO, I WOULD HAVE NEVER SPENT THAT YEAR IN COLLEGE, WHICH IS A DEGREE GRANTING INSTITUTION. Dont!!! Don't, think about that statement for more than 30 seconds, or blood will shoot out your nose."

"Yeah laugh now, You'll see Willard Scott, Willard Scott he smiles so much I don't think he has a central nervous system! You'll see Willard Scott standing on the lawn in front of the Washington Monument dressed in a giant Chipmunk suite, and giant frogs will be bouncing off his head, and he'll say "Giant Frogs, Giant Frogs........What Can I say...uuuuuhhhhhhhh........back to you."

SEE WHY I HATE COMPUTER, NOW IT SHOWED UP
AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Comedians I love

(I do appreciate all the suggestions sent forth by my loyal readers. I have taken several of them under advisement and have begun to coalate material together for future posts. Some of the ideas were a little hard to do. For those wanting something about Mac & Hot Robbie and other particulars of the USC Basketball program, it would be to difficult to explain in words. Most of those things need pictures and graphs to grasp there full understanding. However, Josh & Dan both sparked some intriguing ideas. Dan I am working on some of your ideas, including a very long and thoughtful piece on the Jews and how they are out to ruin the world. Today I am here to compile a "list" of sorts on my favorite comedians, even though I am working on a piece on how much I hate lists & countdowns.)

Here are my all time favorite stand ups, each with a signature joke that I love:

BILL COSBY: He has great material, most of it clean. He can do a whole act not say a dirty word and make you laugh out loud. Bill Cosby Himself is one of the 2 best stand up acts ever.
"Daddy's great, give us the chocolate cake."

DAVE ATELL: This guy has some filthy material, his comedy relates to the ultimate dirtbag loser in all of us.
"A man with one arm always has a good story, "lost it in a knife fight", but a guy with one tooth wheres the story? Well I like to eat a lot of taffy."

MITCH HEDBERG: Has a cool orginal act of one liners. Tremendous deliver, really plays to the audience well. Has some great stoner material.
"I used to be in a death metal band.....people either loved us or they hated us..........or they thought we were OK."

LEWIS BLACK: Has the best material around. His comedy is socially relevant and he is more intelligent than most newscasters.
"Yeah laugh now! You'll see Willard Scott, Willard Scott he smiles so much I don't think he has a central nervous system! You'll see Willard Scott standing on the lawn of the Washington Monument dressed in a great big chipmunk suit, and giant frogs will be bouncing off his head.....and he'll say "Giant frogs, Giant Frogs what can I say....aaagghhhhhhhhh....back to you"

JAY LONDON: To me the funniest guy in 2 seasons of Last Comic Standing. Combines intelligent comedy with a twisted sense of self deprication, works mostly with one liners.
"I went for an AIDS test and my doctor told me to think positive." (I bet many people will not get that joke, that is where his material is, on a higher plane than most comedic audiences.)

EDDIE MURPHY: This guy was as out there and edgy as it came. He was a shooting star, before he started all that acting crap. He is like the Jose Canseco of comedy, when he first came out he was simply brilliant and he fell from grace and became a laughing stock.
"Norton when I bend over, YOU.........START..............FUCKING!"

GEORGE CARLIN: Does anything truly need to be said? He is the greatest of all time, no doubt no discussion. Most intelligent and relevant comeday EVER.
"I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's !?"

RODNEY DANGERFIELD: This guy is from the old school. A true stand up comedian, he new how to work a room when on stage.
"People have too much hate. I hear guys talk, they don't like their mother-in-law, they hate their mother-in-law. Me, I love my mother-in-law - it's her daughter I can't stand!"

ANDREW "DICE" CLAY: Tore the cover off of more arenas than anyone ever. He was a rock and roll star on stage. His shows had great crowd energy and his material was way out there and disgusting.
"So I got my tongue up this chicks ass right............I mean you know how boring it can be when your on line at the bank."

Fan Appreciation Week

Well folks it is about that time. Time for the skinniest fat man you know to give back to his people. Whatever it is you need I am here to provide. Is there anything pissing you off that I can comment about? Let me know. Any movie or television show you need reviewed? Let me know. Do you have any questions for me? Let me know. I am here for the fans. Just shoot me an email or write a comment on here and I will provide my unique commentary. I am in a terrible terrible mood right now, so I am ready to spew some verbal venom. I will get down right nasty on any subject and tell it like it is better than anyone around.

So fuck you all, and have a terrible day.

Peace & Love

KD

TV Always lets me down

It is a beautiful Friday night here in Columbia, and of course I am at home sitting on my toches. Really, I have no other choice. What could I possibly be doing, I guess I could go to a strip club. I am sure there are cool people out doing cool people things. But my situation being what it is I am flipping through the television channels, and Bruce Springsteen had it right 12 years ago "57 channels and nothing on."

Just complete trash on every channel. First there is the 497th installment of The Real World. This show is just plain awful, how many more of these things can they keep doing. The Real World is kind of like The Bud Bow, good idea gone on a little too longl. It had its time in the sun, but really it is time to put this out to pasture.

Then there is some damn relaity TV show about plastic surgeons in Hollywood. First off all, this is not interseting at all. How exciting is a plastic surgeon, they are nerdy fucking doctors. Then forget about the shallowness and full obessesion of these women to have to get plastic surgery. I would rather saw my own arm off than watch this show...........................speaking of which:

There is a 42 hour special with Tom Brokaw and the idiot who had to cut off his arm while hiking by himself. There is not one ounce of sorrow I feel for this ass. First of all what is everyones crutch with having to do something "exiciting" with there life. All these asses "seek adventure," and something ridiculous always happens. This idiot went out by himself into the middle of nowhere to go spelunking and shit, and got caught like a jerk. Good for him. This Tom Brokaw special is horrific, heres how it pretty much went for 2 straight hours;
BROKAW: (mumbling) At this point in the ordeal, what were you thinking?

HIKER DUDE: Well, I was scared thinking I wouldn't make it out of there alive.
WHOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Other things that are wasting my time on TV tonite: That Law & Order show with Ice T, some boxing reality show, a Katie Couric Biography, fear factor and a whole bunch of other crap. Basically I flipped between the football game and Jaws. I have seen Jaws approximately 3,000 times, it was made 29 years ago, and it is still the best fucking thing on right now. I mean come one people, put something on for me to watch, PLEASE!!!

On a lighter note, I am still home alone staring at the wall thinking about ending it all. A great man once said to me, "A fork in the neck is the quickest way out."

Give, Give, I need, I need...........

As bitter a person as I normally am, this post shall have extra bitterness. People are all so needy in this damned world, and all kinds of people, especailly the ones I know. Somebody always needs something. Hey can you give me this or I need some of that. Well you know what, fuck off, that is what I have to say.

Honestly, I cannot remember the last time anyone gave me anything. Well that is not true, I can remember some instances, but they are few and far between. Overall (and this pains me to say it) I think I am a pretty good fella, but now I know why, I am always willing to give of myself. I know other people who are like this too, I will point out three of my good friends who are truly like this, Rob Agnoli, Josh Reinitz, and Darby Rich. They are people whoo give give give, and get little in return, but they are solid people. Now that is not to say that other people I consider close friends are not givers, but there are also plenty of takers around(or as an old boss of mine used to say, expecters). These are people that expect you to be there at their beck and call, much like a good dog. Well not me, not anymore, those people can kiss my chunky white Irish/Italian ass.

These are the people who say to you, geez you know you have not called me in awhile. Oh yeah, really, well my phone was not ringing off the hook either. I hate these people and they are pissing me off. There is not one person or thing that has triggered this rage in emotion, so don't try and figure me out. I have just been locked in a padded room for about three days with no Dorito's or Dr. Pepper. Imagine what will happen when I begin to unleash this wrath that dwells deep inside my soul on the rest of society. Man, that will be a fun day.

All that being said, I am having a good week. Fun times here in Columbia, with all the southern redneck folk. And this is a story for all my northern brethren (Dan I consulted a dictionary for that one). Yesterday in the sprawling metropolis of Aiken, SC a man robbed a bank using only his PITCHFORK!!! Now what other state in the union would something like that happen?? Oh yeah, maybe in Georgia!!

Poetry on Screen

This weekend I have seen a movie that honestly made me think about my life, the people I know, and how I am living more than any I have seen since Rushmore. I saw it twice in a three day span. Garden State takes us on a journey of a young man who is trying to discover himself and his surroundings. There is also the most poignant and passionate love story I have ever seen portrayed on screen.

Zach Braff, of the NBC hit Scrubs, makes his directorial debut and is nothing short of spectacular. We find Andrew Largeman (Braff) as a young confused out of work actor, returning home to face the death of his mother. Once there Large is confronted with all of "those" people we remember from high school. Some are doing well and some are doing what you would expect, just sitting around getting high talking about what they are going to do. Braff is slowly coming down from years of anti-depressant drugs and realizes that maybe he is a little messed up but he has yet to discover what life has to offer because of the medication. He transofrms himself from a zombie into a young man who understands his place in the world.

Most of his awakening comes from his relationship with a pathological liar named Samantha played by Natalie Portman. Sam helps Large realize that we are all still individuals in this world. Regardless of what his happening around us we need to do what makes us happy. The chemistry that Portmand & Braff have on screen is tangible. You can reach out and grab it, I swear. I felt like I was watching two actually people fall in love before my eyes, not two actors pretending to fall in love. Their passion for each other was great, and most of it was done through brilliant dialogue and their expressions toward one another. There was no sex scene between them, in fact they only kiss 3 time during the movie and you can feel the love and passion they have for each other. I can not say enough good things about Portmans performance, it was brilliant.

The line that struck the most home for me was when the two of them were in the pool and Large says, "You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone." I related to that because this summer when I went home for my brothers wedding, I slept in a completely different room of my parents house. I finally felt that connection lost with the place I call home. It is so true, there comes that time in our lives where we have to go out on our own and discover (as it is referred to in the movie) "the infinite abyss."

The movie is so well written, with comedy spalshed in there amongst this wonderful story of a young man and the women he falls in love with. The music in the movie is so important to the story, it helps things along and compliments every scene it is in. Even the times where you might expect music and there is silence are great.There are so many lines in the movie that just stopped me and made me think about so many things. I would recommend this to anyone, in fact if someone I know see's this movie and doesn't like it I may have to never speak to them again, or at least give them a swift kick in the family jewels. No with all these movies reviews, and with this movie making me think about my all time rankings, I will share with all the faithful readers my Top 10 list and invite you to do the same:

1. Rushmore- A classic by a brilliant director Wes Anderson
2. JFK- Love the subject and the movie is so well done
3. Garden State- See above review
4. Clerks- Kevin Smith is a genius and I love him for it
5. Saving Private Ryan- Spielberg and Hanks in their and America's finest hour
6. Midnight Run- Truly a great comedy, and my favorite DeNiro Movie
7. Field of Dreams- I am a baseball geek, and what better movie is there about baseball
8. Rocky-Stallone is great, and it is about so much more than Boxing
9. A River Runs Through it- Based on the classic novel, Brad Pitt, Tom Skerritt & Craig Sheffer are all wonderful as the Maclean's
10. Jaws- Just a wonderful film, directed, written, acting, music, everything about it was great

The Hurricane is Coming, the Hurricane is coming

What a bunch of fucking ridiculous nonsense this damned hurricane is. This country has become soft. I remember when we used to take on hurricanes like they were the girl from down the street. Earthquake, huh, we spit on you weak little earthquake. What the fuck happened to the Delta (America) I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto (Kris), we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer (Hurricane Hugo), he's a dead man! Marmalard (Hurricane Charlie) dead! Niedermeyer (Hurricane Frances)...
Sorry about that I got a little carried away.

People have begun to ask me stupid questions like; "What are you going to do about the hurricane?" or, "Are you ready for Frances?" What is one supposed to do? I suspect I will spend it as most fall saturdays, enjoying some college football on TV, and maybe catch an occasional classic like Jaws or Back to the Future on TBS. Do I really need to go to the store and buy eggs and canned food goods? Heck I don't eat eggs or drink milk or eat anything besides Tuna that comes out of a can. I live 150 miles inland, so at the most we will get a ton of rain and probably some tropical storm forces winds, you know 55-75 mph. So at the most I will be without power for a day, maybe two. Would this truly require world class panic on my part? I think not. How else should I prepare for Ms. Frances? Maybe I can go do some windsprints, a few jumping jacks and som push ups, that way I am physically sound to run outside and push the hurricane away. Not even some push ups would make me strong enough to stop this hurricane.

Put it this way, as long as I have cable I will be 100% fine. If the cable goes out and I still have electricity than I can operate at 90% efficiency, I own 85 movies and a Play Station 2. Otherwise I need not worry or change my dailly life and routine. For if I do change the way I go about my daily business the terrorists will certainly emerge victorious once again.