Ode to Theo

Where have you gone Theo Epstein, our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you….Woo…woo…woo!!

The only thing we have to Theo is Theo itself

Say it ain’t so Theo, say it ain’t so!!!

O, Theo, Theo, Wherefore art thou Theo?

Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for Theo.

Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, a Theo gets his wings.

Mr. Epstein, tear down this wall

I know it was you Theo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Theo Epstein.

You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you Theo.

I did not have sexual relations with Theo.


I AM Theo Epstein! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?

My name's Theo Epstein. People call me Theo Epstein.

Bluto: What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Ramirez, he's a dead man! Ortiz, dead! Theo Epstein...

Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part

The Daily Nooner

- This is an issue we took awhile to discuss here and that is the recent comments made by Air Force Head Coach Fisher DeBerry. Coach DeBerry made some sensitive remarks when talking about the difference of speed and athleticism when it comes to black athletes (I do not use PC terms like African-American, since most em was born in Brooklyn and not Africa anyway). But I can say stuff like that, mainly because nobody gives a crap what I think, but more importantly I am not in a position of leadership amongst a community of young men and woman. See, Fisher DeBerry is a community leader and influential person in the lives of young people. When you are in a position like that you can be two beers and a shot of whiskey away from saying, “Boy them niggers are quick!” And in his situation he can’t really be saying the things he said. I am not saying he should be fired, but maybe the Academy should review his status after the season. Unfortunately it is the times we live in now

- Oh wow, just when you think you can’t here an athletes name again, the most famous choke artist in the history of sports Jean Van de Velde is making headlines again. This time Van de Velde intends to qualify to participate in the British Open next year, that is the Women’s British Open. Now that will make all the macho testosterone filled idiots who think that Michelle Wie and Annika Sorenstam shouldn’t be allowed to compete on PGA Tour events. Me, I could care less whether or not they let the woman compete, but I know that letting them compete with the men can put more money in peoples pockets. Letting Van de Velde copmpete with woman isn’t going to do a damned thing, and it still won’t make me watch woman’s golf. But watching Wie and Sorenstam compete with men has made me watch tournaments that I was not otherwise interested in, and that is the whole point. I say good luck Jeanny, good luck, I hope he does qualify and then misses the cut; that would rule.

- Well the numbers are in, and it is official. The 2005 World Series is the worst rated series ever. Though each of the first 2 games was the highest rated fox prime time show of the week, but that doesn’t mean much. The ratings were down 30% from last season. IT is unfortunate because I do think they were the two most deserving teams, and the White Sox were fun to watch. I do know one guy who was watching……………

- That guy that was watching was the great Bobby Valentine. Valentine has made it public, he believes his Japanese Major League Championship team, the Chiba Lotte Mariners, could beat the White Sox in a true World Series. I love Bobby V, I mean he doesn’t truly think they can beat the White Sox, but he sure knows how to stir things up a bit. He is just trying to get MLB to consider the idea, of a “true” World Series. And with the Baseball Cup coming up this spring he is just trying to get some more people to try and watch. I wish Bobby V would come back to the states and either manage or commentate, because I like having him around, even if you hate him he is fun!!

AND

- I read the craziest and in a twisted was a very sick/funny story yesterday online. Apparently in Delaware yesterday some lady went outside and yanked a rope over a branch and hung herself outside of her house. But this being the Halloween season, people who passed by thought nothing of a body swinging from a tree. That’s right folks they thought it was a Halloween prop. For most of the afternoon the suicide went unreported as cars casually drove by and saw this lady swinging from the tree. I just thought I would enlighten people with that story, fucking Delawareians!!

The White Sox Greatness

Ozzie Guillen and his Chicago White Sox have finished off the Astros and completed a virtual sweep through the month of October. They were division leaders on April 5th when they won their first 2 games of the season and they never looked back. Well that isn’t entirely true, they did look back in September when the Cleveland Indians were steamrolling toward them, but like and older brother putting his hand on his young brothers head while the younger swings wildly trying to punch his big brother, they held them off. And now they are without a doubt the best team in baseball and the World Series Champions.

But where does this White Sox team fit in the pantheon of great teams in baseball? Now obviously it would be hard to compare them to teams who have formed dynasties, like: New York of the late 90’s, Cincinnati & New York 70’s, or even as far back as the great St. Louis and LA Dodger teams of the 50’s and 60’s. But there have been teams who have had a singular year of greatness and can be considered and all time great team. The first one that comes to mind is the 86 Mets. They were great; they could pitch from the top of their rotation through the end of their pen with anyone, they had All-Stars and future hall of famers in the field and they performed in the clutch. Another team is the 1970 Baltimore Orioles, they may have had the best rotation in the history of baseball and again could field and hit with a bunch of All-Star caliber players. Could the White Sox be one of these teams?

Most people will think of them more along the lines of a team that got hot at the right time. Much like the 88 Dodgers who beat the Mets and A’s to win the title, even though they did not have half the talent of either one of those teams. Maybe it was a magical ride like “Pops” Stargell took the 79 Pirates on. These aforementioned teams before the season were not predicted to win, but through strange circumstances they bound together as a team and did what nobody thought was possible.

I think the White Sox can be put up against any team that had a single great season and won the title. Just look what they did throughout the year. They had the best record in the American League. They were dominant on the road all season long. In the face of adversity late in the season they answered in resounding fashion. Nobody gave them a chance when he playoffs began, not only were the playing the Red Sox in round one, but round two had the Yankees or everyone’s American League darling the Angels in waiting. Then if they were to luck out and get to the Series they would face those vaunted Tony LaRussa lead St. Louis Cardinals or the pitching dominant Houston Astros. Remember just before the end of the regular season when Ozzie Guillen said he would retire if the Sox win the series? He was laughed at publicly, because people said his team had little to no chance of winning the thing. Those who thought Ozzie was totally crazy or totally stupid. But to quote Dann Price quoting Homer Simpson, “Stupider like a fox.”

I believe they pounding the Red Sox into submission, so fast that most people didn’t even realize the Red Sox made it back to the playoffs. Then in round two they simply out-pitched and manufactured the crafty and well managed Angels. Then the World Series (like the month of March) came in like a lion, and the Astros went out like a lamb. They dominated the season from start till the very finis. But again, they have no fancy players on their team and nobody (including yours truly) thought they would do a damned thing this year, so they are thought of as a “surprise team” or “lucky” or they “got hot at the right time.” Nah, fuck that bullshit, this team can flat out play, and play with anyone.

I hope Ozzie does retire like he said, and live of this championship for the rest of his life in Chicago just like Mike Ditka. Ozzie deserves it; he has taken a lot of crap from people throughout the year because of the way he manages. Also, a great deal of credit should be given to GM Kenny Williams, who was on the hot seat because he did not make any moves at the trading deadline. Hey, he traded an All-Star outfielder (Carlos Lee) for a guy whose name nobody can pronounce (Scott Podsednik), then he signed a position player from Japan who nobody thought we be this good, and overhauled a pitching staff into the most dominant in baseball.

I am happy for the city of Chicago, mostly because it wasn’t the annoying fucking Cubs who won. There are some real baseball fans in the city of Chicago and most of them are on the south side, or at least grew up there. They grew up wanting to be Nellie Fox or Luis Aparicio and watching the old Go-Go Sox of the late 50’s, and they deserve a championship team led by one of their own former players, a guy who even though he is from another country epitomizes the tough hard nose style of things Chicago is known for.

To give you guys some more musical parody; here is “Bad Bad Chi Town Sox,” by Jim Croce:

Well the South side of Chicago
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a team named the Ole White Sox

Now the Chi Sox more than trouble
You see they stand on top of the world
All the downtown ladies call them 'big time hunks'
All the men just call them 'CHAMPS'


And there bad, bad Chi Town Sox
The baddest team in the whole damned land
Badder than those Beantown Sox
And meaner than New York Yanks

Now Ozzie he a gambler
And he like his stolen bases
And he like to wave his series ring
In front of everybody's nose
He got a Konerko
He got a Podesednik too
He got a Big Ole Guy in his bullpen for fun
He got a Jermaine Dye too

And there bad, bad Chi Town Sox
The baddest team in the whole damned land
Badder than those Cali Angels
And meaner than the Astros too

What to do?

THE WORLD SERIES

I could talk about the World Series, and the lack of great pitching that has actually plagued this series rather than highlighted it. But that would be revisionist, and I hate doing that. Even though I did tell you clowns nobody would watch this thing and I was of course correct. I do not know anyone who actually saw Podsednik’s Homerun, including myself. I swear to you Joe Buck just said on the broadcast, “We talked about how this could be a throwback series with great pitching, and it has been anything but.” Damn, I am good!


WELLINGTON MARA

We could discuss the passing of an NFL legend, Giants owner Wellington Mara. How much he has meant to the growth of the NFL in this country and in New York. But what insight would I really provide, having never met the man. Many writers, way more accomplished than me will eulogize him in the New York papers and give him the proper respect he deserves, rather than the nonsensical ramblings of a fat man.


KATRINA DEATH PROBES

If we were to talk about the Katrina Death Probes about patient neglect and possible Euthanasia it would just be tee time for my left winged Jewish friends to blast me and blame me and George W. Bush for every problem in America. Every time we try and discuss something political it always comes down to that topic, to quote Phife Dog “that’s played out like 8-Ball jackets.”


2000 AMERICAN SOLDIER KILLED

Again discussing this topic would be fodder for my leftist friends. Plus all day I have been trying to figure out the significance of this death. Every death of an American soldier is tragic, none more than the other. But people in America like things package into nice round numbers. This sounds a lot like something George Carlin might have said, maybe I’ll look it up.


MOVIES

I have seen three movies recently and am looking forward to seeing a few more that come out here in the near future. But I would mostly be open for ridicule if I recommend everyone go see “In Her Shoes” with Cameron Diaz, it is easily a Top 5 movie of this year. “Elizabethtown” was pretty good, and had all the typical hallmarks of a Cameron Crowe movie; including some righteous music, but by no means his best work. Or we could talk about Charlize Theron maybe winning a second Academy Award for her most recent performance in “North Country,” a powerful drama with a great, albeit false, courtroom scene at the end of the movie. And I could let you know that Nikka Caro is a great director, her only two major films being 2003’s “Whale Rider” and now “North Country,” but Dann will make fun of me for seeing a movie that has Whale in the tile.


THE BCS

The BCS and college football is all in a quandary again this season. Self righteous college football fans are yelling playoff this and playoff that, but again, haven’t we been to this rodeo before? I have no energy for this ridiculous topic, so a computer put Texas ahead of USC, whoopty doo. We all know USC is the best team in the West, the NFC West that is, so who care what a computer says? Not me, I have more important things to think about, like which porn sight to go look at; www.MILFHunter.com or RoundandBrown.com.

The Daily Nooner

The Daily Nooner


- Two football legends are beginning to emerge week after week. One of them is happening on the national stage, mostly because of his last name, the other is happening on a local stage mainly because his team stinks.

The first is that of Eli Manning, he again drove his team down the field and put his team in position for a victory. Last week against the Cowboys he drove the team down the field twice in the last 4 minutes of the game (one time the Giants fumbled, the other they kicked a game tying field goal). This week with his team down 13 points at home he proved his mettle in front of the home crowd. It was a cool dark fall Sunday evening, the type of evening where Giants fans fell in love with guys like Phil Simms, Joe Morris, Lawrence Taylor and Michael Strahan. And now their new hero is Eli Manning. Manning lead a veteran like efficient drive down the field to put the Giants within a touchdown with 9 minutes to go. Then with ten seconds and goal to go, Manning dropped back and allowed Amani Toomer to get open and zipped a game winning touchdown to him. Manning looked confident and never wavered even though he had struggled most of the game. The 70,000 or so Giants fans in attendance will always remember this as the game were Manning became a “New York Giant.”

The second is that of Sidney Rice. Now I know most of you will say, hey fatso, who the hell is Sidney Rice? Well Sidney Rice WR and a star in the making at the University of South Carolina; and the most underrated player in the country. All this guy has done in 6 career games in college is average 6.5 catches for 111 yards per game. But he has only caught 9 TD’s in those six games. Rice is a redshirt freshman who has played 5 of his 6 career games against SEC opponents, and he has yet to be held out of the end zone in any game this season. His name is one to put in the back of your head, because as Coach Steve Spurrier’s program begins to pick up steam over the next few years Rice is going to be the one leading the charge.
- Can I brag again about Andy Pettitte in the post season? I am sure I will get yelled at again because Chad Qualls bites monkey dick, and Pettitte’s team did not get the win. That “great” Houston bullpen screwed it up again. But Pettitte did his part, again giving his team a “quality start,” which is all you ask from your starter. He pitched his balls off on a rainy cool night, and put his team in position to win the ball game and go back to Houston tied. His best post season starts always came with the Yankees backs against the wall. In 2003 he won three consecutive game two’s in the postseason after the Yankees trailed 1-0. It is a shame the Astros pen is not doing their job for Pettitte. I still wish the Yankees had him instead of basically any of the ass clowns in their current rotation.

- The Pittsburgh Steelers and their head coach Bill Cowher are fast becoming the St. Louis Cardinals & Tony LaRussa of football. Everything is in place for them to win almost every year. Each little move they make always seems to pay off, like the Steelers getting some random dude named Willie Parker, or the Cardinals letting Edgar Renteria go and signing David Eckstein (a move which looked horrible when it first happened, but by seasons end Walt Jockety looked like a genius). And yes the most favorable comparison is not being able to win a god damned thing. Bill Cowher is the longest tenured coach in the NFL and has done some remarkable things with the Steelers, but the fact remains he has only been to one Super Bowl and has lost five AFC Championship games, and 4 of those were in Pittsburgh. Cowher is obviously a heck of a football coach, but for some reason the mainstream media has never really been on his case for “not being able to win the big one.” Now maybe the local media in Pittsburgh has harped on this fact, but I have never heard a real big outcry from anyone the maybe Cowher is not a championship coach.

- The first two games of the World Series have been outstanding baseball games. And you know what I love about these games? Homeruns!!! Yeah, that’s right, the long ball. Coming into this series I heard two different analysts say their would be twice as may bunts as homeruns. One guy said there would be more squeeze’s than dingers. Well pal, you are wrong!! Chicks dig the long ball, especially when you hit one in walk off fashion, after you hit 0 all season. The White Sox have taken complete control of this series by beating up on the Astros bullpen, what most people considered a strong point for Houston. Now Phil Garner is going to be reluctant to use certain guys and the White Sox can take advantage of the starter maybe going a little deeper into the game. I think the Sox will finish this thing off in 5 or 6. “Say it ain’t so Joe, say it ain’t so?”

- Last night on ESPN Classic they played the great made for TV movie from the 70’s, “Something for Joey.” How come every sports movie in the 70’s was the biggest tear jerker ever? Think about some of the great sports movies from that era; “Brian’s Song,” “The Champ,” “Bang the Drum Slowly,” “Breaking Away,” and even “Chariots of Fire” and “Raging Bull” were made right at the beginning of the 80’s. All of these movies were driven by sad emotions. As the 80’s crept in we got away from the real tear jerking sports movie and seemed to have a wider variety. But we can never forget those tear jerking 70’s sports movies

You all Suck

I hate every single one of yous; Paul, bobby, Martin, Danny et. al., everyone of you A-holes. I posted nothing about the NBA dress code yet, a subject which I was going to be working on and hopefully have up today. But you clowns some how launched into a verbal assault on one another about the dress code in a post that contained mostly stuff about Andy Pettitte and Peyton Manning.

I am still trying to figure that out?

Nineteen total comments on what was a totally thrown togethr Daily Nooner when I had a few minutes the other day. I have worked dilligently on many other things on this website which have received few to no comments back. And then this one sets the all time record, and the comments had nothing to do with the original post. You want to see something that should be more commented on, how about the On Campus features which I try to provide every Friday, or The Land of Oz, simply the best written most creative thing I will ever write as long as I live.

I hate you all, and to quote Eric Cartman:

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

PS
I will still give you my thoughts on the dress code.
Yes it has a lot to do with race, but is not racist.
Yes it has a alot to do with business, but is not hypocritical.

The Daily Nooner

- Last evening I was sitting there watching the Cardinals-Astros game and thinking to myself, boy that Andy Pettitte is one heck of a pitcher. Then I thought about it and looked up some numbers, and said, boy the Andy Pettitte is one heck of a post season pitcher. He is tough and knows how to pitch in any situation, and most importantly he will always keep his team in the game. Then I thought, wow I wish the Yankees had a guy like that, or even Pettitte himself. I wonder when he may be an available free agent. Oh, wait a minute, I looked it up, the Yankees did have him, but they let him get away a little over 2 years ago. Hummmm, why would Steinbrenner not want a guy like that on the team? Oh yeah, because he likes Bibles and Jesus, shame on him. Who needs you Andy Pettitte, take your bibles and your Jesus loving ways to Houston and win a championship!!!

- At about 10:45 last night, some time soon after Lance Berkman’s 3 run homer, I heard a strange noise. To quote Alec Guinness from Star Wars, it was “as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.” Those voices were that of Fox Sports executives when they realized that there World Series was going to be the Houston Astros and the Chicago White Sox. That series does not galvanize anyone. People can talk about the White Sox futility over the past 80 years or so, but it is nothing like the Red Sox story of last season. There are few reasons for that. The White Sox haven’t had a team standing directly in their way as the Red Sox did for so many years. The White Sox have never been close, not at least since 1959. The White Sox don’t have the recognizable personalities like the Red Sox. Even the general sports fan last season knew who Johnny Damon, Big Papi, Manny Ramirez, and Pedro Martinez were. And of course they knew who Curt Schilling was, for if they didn’t Schilling would just call a press conference and let you know who he was. Lastly, the White Sox don’t have any cool celebrity fans like Ben Affleck to name their arch nemesis the “Evil Empire.” While the Astros are also a great team with a great story, that being the continued remarkable success of Roger Clemens, they are not the time of brash self promoting team that people will rally around and root for. Fox must have been so excited when the playoff started, they had 4 of their 5 best draws in the playoffs; Yankees, Red Sox, Cardinals, and Braves (the Cubs being the other). And it looks as if they may not get any of them in the Series.

- Allan Houston. Well people always tell you when you are young to dream big, and that if you believe enough all your dreams will come true. Well as an adult I have learned that is just some line grown ups tell kids so they will behave, because that statement is one big hot pile of steaming crap. But some of your dreams may come true, if you really really really believe hard enough. And yesterday one of those finally came true, Allan Houston actually retired. It is easily the second greatest day in New York Knicks history. The greatest of course being the day Don Nelson was fired. Houston had been draining the life out of this team for the better part of 4 years. Of course the Knicks still have Houston under contract for another season, but with him being forced out by injury maybe they can pay him off with insurance money and get some of that cap room back. That way with the cap room Isaiah Thomas can go out and sign another quality free agent like Jerome James. But I digress, the retirement of Allan Houston. This guy’s career was filled with more promise than a George W. Bush presidency, and fell just about as short (Dan & Josh you guys happy, I made fun of W?). October 17 will now become an official holiday on my counter, right up there with El Moliguania

- I know there are still plenty of non believers out there, but the Indianapolis Colts are a very good football team. This is it though; this is their year, their window of opportunity. They have a very solid defense that can actually make the routine play along with the spectacular. Peyton Manning seems to have a much more balanced attack this season; Edgerrin James is healthy and running very well. The Patriots are down this year, and the Colts already have a three game lead on them for home field advantage, which is what they need to succeed in the playoffs. If they get home field they won’t have to play any games outside in the postseason, which makes them difficult to beat.

YCP, Unite

Alright folks, this post is short and really only pertinent to those who decided to receive their higher education on the banks of Tyler Run.

Wednesday night there was an NBA preseason game being played right here in Columbia, South Carolina, at the home arena of the Gamecocks, Colonial Center. The arena is run by the same management company which runs the Philadelphia 76ers and their arena. The NBA often plays exhibition games in neutral cities in order to get more fans, that David Stern knows what he is doing, and it made sense for the 76ers to come here.

The Philadelphia 76ers were to play the world champion San Antonio Spurs. I was very excited about the match up, because my coach’s here at South Carolina coached Tim Duncan and Robert Horry in college, so I knew I would get to meet the two of them. Also being a fan of NBA basketball I thought it would be cool to see the teams here and how they prepare for a game. Also, of particular interest to me, was the video operations of the teams.

Well I knew I was going to meet the video coordinators from each teams and help them get their stuff set up in our arena. I received a call from one of our coach’s who was with the video coordinator of the 76ers, a guy named Brad. We talked for a few minutes and agreed to meet at the arena at 4 o’clock.

So there I am, sitting in the locker room, waiting on Brad from the 76ers to show up. Well the 76ers equipment manager shows up and right behind him is the guy, and I ask if he is Brad, as he looks up at me, I say “Brad…….Brad Leinbach?” and he simoultaneously says, “You went to York College.” I about shit my freaking pants. To quote Humphrey Bogart, “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

I just thought that would be an amusing story to all you YCP Spartans. On a side note, he does indeed talk to the great Mike Burke, who is still married to that little blonde slut from York, they have twins and a third kid on the way. Billy, they are kicking your ass in the kid department.

What a Shitty Night!!!

It is not the fact that the Yankees lost in the divisional series, it is always how they lose that pisses me off. They do so many things blatantly wrong and wind up shooting themselves in the ass. I am not here to take anything away from the Angels; they are a great baseball team and made all the plays when they needed too. One note on the Angels; I think the whole Bartolo Colon thing was bullshit. This same thing happened with Boomer Wells for the Yankees. Someone has to figure out whether this guy is hurt or not before the ball game. You can’t go out there and say 4 outs into the game, “Well Skip, sorry, I ain’t got it!” You put your manager and your team in a precarious situation, and it is unfair to them.

But I digress, back to my shitty Yankees. How many times have we watched this kind of performance from Mike Mussina in the post-season? A bunch that I can remember, a few years ago he lost every game 1 of the three series they played, only to be saved by the fact Andy Pettitte saved the team in game 2. But we no longer have Andy Pettitte because he likes Jesus and Bibles so Steinbrenner thinks he is weak. In the second inning with a 2 run lead and a 3-1 count on Garrett Anderson, Mussina who was shaking off fastballs from Posada all night, accepts Posada’s sign to throw a low inside fastball, to a lefty like Garrett Anderson. Well any intelligent baseball fan knows that is a lefties power zone, and what did Anderson do with it? Deposited it in the right field stands. Why would you throw that pitch? Honestly, they showed Posada giving the sing and I got out of my chair and was screaming “NO!!!” before he threw it, you can ask the Camel Jockey’s who live downstairs.

As good as the Yankees have been they have been a shitty defensive team. Everyone is talking about Bubby Crosby and Gary Sheffield running into each other and that being the pivotal play of the game. Did anyone else see what I saw on the replay? Gary Sheffield had already missed the ball; it hit off his wrist and was bounding away from him before he made contact with Crosby.

Then there was the anemic Yankee offense, the one thing you could count on all season long. This is the thing they had, a ferocious offense. Boy that was so not evident in this series. You see the fact that with all their expensive hitters they have no role players, no situational hitters. Alex Rodriguez will obviously take all of the blame for the Yankees lack of success; he did not drive in a single run. But because they have so many “great” hitters you have a guy like A-Rod batting second. Derek Jeter got on base three times last night, normally one of those times (maybe even in the first inning) if you had a number 2 hitter who was struggling (i.e. A-Rod) you may have him sacrifice Jeter over. However, you can’t ask a hitter of A-Rod’s caliber to bunt, instead you watch him swing away, poorly. What about Giambi, Sheffield and Matsui? Giambi did not do much in the way of knocking guys in, especially in the 5th when Jeter and A-Rod got on to lead of the inning. Then there was Gary Sheffield who is perhaps the worst situational hitter in baseball. His problem is all he is ever trying to do is to pull everything in the air, that’s hit, could you picture him hitting behind a runner (well he sort of did in the second inning, but that was clearly because he was fooled on the pitch). Then comes Hideki Matsui, while A-Rod will take all the blame, and even amount belongs to Matsui, who up until this series had been a clutch hitter for the Yankees. Well last night alone he left 8 runners on, 8 of the Yankees 11. All series he sat there and took fastballs and then popped up breaking balls, again like Sheffield never even making productive outs.

If it was up to me, and it certainly isn’t these are the guys I would have back in the Yankees roster, and in the dugout. Jeter, A-Rod, Cano, Giambi, Matsui, Small, Chacon, Big Unit, Rivera, and Girardi replacing Torre & Tommy John for Stottelmyre. I understand that we are going to have to have Jaret Wright and his partner in uselessness Carl Pavano back too.

What a shitty night, for the Yankees and other things. If my week would have went Sunday to Tuesday, skipping over the events of Monday that would have been great.

5 Games to Watch:

Texas Tech v Nebraska- This game can go a long way in determining who plays for the Big 12 Championship later on this year. Neither team has played a tough schedule yet and each is 1-0 in conference play. Coach Mike Leach’s Red Raiders are going to pass, and pass often; they have scored and average of 57 ppg this season. However, the Cornhusker defense is rank second in the country surrendering only 36 points all season. Nobody seems to know how good either of these teams are, and even though the eyes of the Big 12 are focused down in Dallas this weekend this game could have just as much impact on the Big 12 championship picture.

Utah v Colorado State- Colorado State comes into this gaming looking to keep pace with Mountain West front runner TCU. Sonny Lubick’s CSU squad has a balanced attack, led by versatile running back Kyle Bell who has rushed for 180+ yards the last two weeks. Utah, under first year head coach Kyle Whittingham, has struggled a little bit this year. They could help their chances of staying on the national radar if they can get a road conference win and be in the picture in the highly competitive Mountain West. But playing in the cool Fort Collins air in Hughes Stadium is no easy task.

Georgia v Tennessee- “Wish that I was on ol’ Rocky Top, down in the Tennessee Hills.”
Tennessee already has an Eastern Division loss to Florida, so this is a must win game for them. The Georgia bulldogs come in confident and well rested after a week off and two games against powerhouses Mississippi State and Louisiana Monroe. Dawgs QB DJ Shockley now begins his campaign to prove he belongs as an elite SEC quarterback. The Volunteer defensive line has given Quarterbacks fits all season long, and Shockley will be no different. The Vols offense is beginning to emerge under Rick Clausen and the improved running of Gerald Riggs, Jr. Even thought Tennessee has not been impressive, they always find ways to win these games

Ohio State v Penn State- 59 degrees and a little bit of rain in Happy Valley, what better way to spend a fall afternoon than at a knock ‘em down, drag ‘em out Pier 6 brawl on the gridiron. The Nittany Lions seem to be back on track and the Buckeyes will provide their first big test. Coach Paterno’s defense is very solid and they are lead on offense with a versatile passing and running attack. Ohio State has played maybe their best game of the season and lost at home to Texas. Coach Jim Tressel can always seem to get his team up for big games and this one will be no different, the Big 10 title may hang in the balance in Happy Valley this weekend.

Oklahoma v Texas- Over the past 6 years or so this has been the most hotly contested rivalry in all of college football. Sometimes Texas has been blown out, but the game has never disappointed when it comes to hype. Can Mack Brown, notorious for losing big games, finally get the one that could put his team in the national championship picture? The Longhorns are a better team all around, no matter how you slice it. Vince Young already stepped forward in the Ohio State game; if he can do the same here the Longhorns should take out the Sooners. However, Bob Stoops is a great motivator and will have his team ready to play inspired football and ruin the Longhorns shot at the national title.

4 Players to watch:

Joseph Ayoob, Cal- He came out of Junior College with a big time reputation, but was beaten out by Nate Longshore. However, and injury to Longshore in the first game of the season has opened the door for Ayoob, who in four winning starts has thrown 8 TD’s and ran for four more. This week he takes his Cal Bears down to UCLA, we will see if Ayoob can handle the pressure of a playing a good conference team on the road.

Derrick Williams, Penn State- A Freshman Wideout who came into Penn State widely regarded as the nations top prep player, and he has not disappointed. Williams has shown big play ability catching the ball downfield and as an occasional running back. Coach Paterno has not shied away from playing a true freshman with Williams’ talent and it is paying off, he could be the difference maker in a big game like the one they have this weekend.

Ryan Hart, Rutgers- He is certainly not the most talented QB in the country but he has got some guts & moxy. Hart was brought in as Coach Schiano’s savior, a QB from Florida were Shiano had recruiting ties and past success. The RU program seems poised to actually turn things around this year and Hart is at the center of that. He had a brilliant game at Illinois which Rutgers threw away in overtime and last week against Pittsburgh he led his team to a victory in their first conference game. Now this week against West Virginia at home Hart will try and pull the upset and make his Scarlet Knights a major player in the Big East picture.

Paul Pinegar, Fresno State- He leads the Bulldog high powered passing attack, which has scored 44 PPG this season. He has thrown for 670 yards and 7 TD’s in only three games this season. Fresno matches up with the weak secondary of New Mexico State this week and Pinegar could have a record setting game, we are talking like 500 yds and 5 or 6 TD’s. Just keep an eye on the bottom line for this one and check out Pinegar’s line.

3 Lines to take:

The South Carolina Gamecocks are giving 13 points to Kentucky. The Gamecocks right now are a bad football team, and Kentucky is awful as well. With a slick field in Columbia this weekend and the overall terribleness of the Gamecocks how they are favored by 13 is beyond me, take the Wildcats to cover.

Texas A&M is playing on the road in Boulder this week against a tough Colorado team. The Aggies are getting 3 points, I think Dennis Franchione will have his team well prepared to go there and pull off the upset. I say take the Aggies to cover and win outright.

The most intriguing line of the week is the over/under in Happy Valley. The line was just bumped up to 42.5 late this week. It seems to me that it will be a defensive struggle especially if the weather forecast is correct and there is a bunch of rain, I say go with the under.

The Land of Oz

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Well Miss Dorothy Gale you could not be more right. We have reached some surreal place where Isaiah Thomas can take the impossibly bad and make it worse. He some how pulled off a trade with the Bulls to acquire Eddie Curry to presumably clog up the middle which is already occupied by free agent signee Jerome James.

Now the Scarecrow Mr. Thomas (no brain) has assembled what he thinks is a good NBA team. Oh really, you are aware that you have taken three of the biggest malcontents and shoved them into the same backcourt; Stephon Marbury, Jamaal Crawford, and Quentin Richardson. You did not have enough balls to go around with just Marbury and Crawford.
“If I could make New York a winner
in Manhattan I’d eat free dinner
Confetti it would rain
In my booth I’d be a watchin’
My Knicks there’d be no stoppin’
If I only had a brain”



Eddie Curry was originally thought to be a bust, then as he came on (in his contract year) it appeared as if he would be an attractive free agent. However, late last season he was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat and had to miss the end of the regular season and the playoffs. The Bulls wanting to keep Curry insisted that he take a DNA test so they can be assured that he indeed does have a heart, and that is does actually work. Alas, Mr. Curry refused, and no heart and all the Knicks figured he would fit well into their plans of opening a Broadway revival.
“I am young and I’ve got game
in New York I’ll have much fame
with the Bulls I did part
In the game I want success
I’ve made the Knicks a bigger mess
If I only had a heart”


Part of the Knicks problem lies within the 70 billion dollars we are still paying Allan Houston. The Knicks somehow missed the day this summer were NBA teams could let go of a player with almost no financial repercussions, because Houston is still on the damned team. This is a guy has tea water running through his veins, he is the Cowardly Lion. He has never played the game with any passion or desire, and never stepped forward and had the courage to be the BMOC.
“From the Knicks I’ve stolen money
cause in the clutch I’m rather crummy
my contract I don’t deserve
for there’s time to change my story
Maybe I could bring some glory
If I only had the nerve”


But of course we are now in the Land of Oz, what can fix us all? That’s right the all great and powerful Wizard of Oz. Enter the nomadic Larry Brown, the man who is going to give Isaiah the brain, and Eddy the heart and inspire Allan Houston to have a little courage!!!
Follow! Follow!
Follow! Follow!
Follow the yellow brick road
Follow the yellow brick road
Follow the yellow brick, follow the yellow brick
Follow the yellow brick road!

If ever a wonderful BROWN there was
The Wizard of MSG is one because
Because because because because
Because of the wonderful things he does!

Oh, you're off to see COACH BROWN,
The wonderful Wizard of MSG!
You'll find he is a whiz of a COACH
If ever a COACH there was.

If ever a wonderful COACH there was
The Wizard of MSG is one because
Because because because because because.....
Because of the wonderful things he does
....(whistled) because of the wonderful things he does


Madison Square Garden and Knicks management is proud to bringing to an NBA arena near you, the 2005-06 revival of the classic musical The Wizard of Oz.

Playoff Preview

San Diego Padres vs. St. Louis Cardinals: On paper everyone just looks at this series and says, well looks like the Cardinals get a clean sweep. But these are the series that usually provide a great deal of drama, and you see if the underdog can pull it out.

PITCHING: On the surface the Cardinals appear dominant having the best ERA in the league, and the probable Cy Young winner in Chris Carpenter. But the Padres can match the Cardinals at the top of the rotation with Jake Peavy and Adam Eaton. Both teams have exceptional bullpens. However, the Cardinals just lost Al Reyes for the playoffs and the normally reliable Ray King has been in a late season slump. The Cards still have a frontline closer in Jason Isringhausen. The Padres counter with the best bullpen in the NL; Rudy Seanez has had his best season, set up men Akinori Otsuka & Scott Linebrink pave the way fro Closer Trevor Hoffman.
ADVANTAGE: San Diego Padres

HITTING: The Cardinals have the most balanced lineup in all of baseball. Although it does not have the same pop it has had in the recent past, they have good speed, power and the back end of their lineup is solid. Albert Pujols can take over a series with his stick; Larry Walker and Jim Edmonds are experienced veterans who can provide some power. The two keys in their lineup are David Eckstein who gives opponents fits at the top and veteran Mark Grudzielanek who had a career high in RBI. The Padres lineup is pretty feeble, finishing 25th in the league in runs scored. Brian Giles is really the only consistent run producer. Khalil Greene, Ryan Klesko, and Joe Randa have all been very spotty down the stretch and will need to battle through injuries and help Giles drive in some runs.
ADVANTAGE: St. Louis Cardinals

INTANGIBLES: The Cardinals are a team full of “intangibles.” Though sometimes I think he is vastly overrated, Tony Larussa is still one hell of a manager. He has been in as many playoffs as anyone around and won a World Series title. Bruce Bochy is a solid manager and good baseball man, but he is not Tony Larussa who can manage his pitching staff brilliantly in the playoffs. In the field the Cardinals are as good as it gets. Pujols is an underrated First Baseman and up the middle they are excellent, from catcher Yadier Molina too double play combo Mark Grudzielanek (led all 2B in fielding) & David Eckstein, and the still unbelievable Jim Edmonds in center. Off the bench the Cardinals can bring RBI power with John Mabry and other vets like Einar Diaz, Hector Luna and So Taguchi.
ADVANTAGE: St. Louis Cardinals


PREDICTION: St. Louis in 5
I think Jake Peavy will win Game 1 and game 4 for the Padres, but their lineup is just too weak to sustain a whole series trying to outscore the Cardinals. I do think this can be a fun series, watching Larussa and Cards fans squirm because they are losing to the Padres.



Houston Astros vs. Atlanta Braves: To me this is the best series out there, so of course it will be a total dud. The Astros come in with the best three pitchers in baseball, while the Braves have used a core of young players to spark this latest playoff run, rather than their normal stable of veterans.

PITCHING: The Houston Astros have the best rotation since, well, since the Atlanta Braves of the late 90’s. Andy Pettitte has been great down the stretch, and he is as good a playoff pitcher as anyone in the history of the game. Roger Clemens and Roy Oswalt have been solid all year long and will both pitch well in the playoffs. Houston is a little weak in middle relief, but since their starter usually go 7 innings that isn’t much of a problem. Then they get to Brad Lidge who has emerged as a big time closer this season. The Braves still have John Smoltz, so you always have a chance. I wouldn’t be surprised if Smoltz pulled a Randy Johnson and come out of the pen to close a game down if Bobby Cox wanted him too. The Braves other starters are inexperienced and they are basically experimenting at closer with Kyle Farnsworth.
ADVANTAGE: Houston Astros

HITTING: This is very evenly matched, both teams getting contributions from unlikely suspects. The Astros have Willy Taveras and Craig Biggio at the top of their lineup which gives them great speed. Lance Berkman and Morgan Ensberg give them power at the corners and the youngsters Jason Lane and Chris Burke can provided some depth in the lineup. The Braves have a perfect top of the lineup. Speed in the leadoff spot, Rafael Furcal, combo of speed, power and smarts in the 2 hole, Marcus Giles, the all around hitter third, Chipper Jones, and the big bat fourth, Andruw Jones. They also have some young bats that can produce runs and have in big spots this season, with Ryan Langerhans, Jeff Francouer, and Brian McCann.
ADVANTAGE: Atlanta Braves

INTANGIBLES: Phil Garner has done a very admirable job with the Astros since he took over at the All Star break last year, but Bobby Cox has been around this show a long time, and won a ton of games doing it. Yes he has only 1 World Series title, but that is 1 more than Phil Garner and he has 4 more NL pennants and 14 more division titles. Both teams are solid in the field. However, in the outfield the Braves are exceptional; Jones, Langerhans, and Francouer catch everything and they all have great arms. Off the bench the Astros have a great veteran presence with Jose Vizcaino, Jeff Bagwell, Orlando Palmeiro (not a steroid user) and Mike Lamb. But the Braves can counter with Brian Jordan and Julio Franco (in the who’s more washed up part of the series).
ADVANTAGE: Atlanta Braves

PREDICTION: Atlanta in 4.
Everyone loves the Astros because of their great rotation and how great those pitchers are. But like I said there was a team in the late 90’s that had all this great pitching every year and that is why people picked them to win all the time. I think this Braves team has such a different make up, it is not loaded with veterans who have been their before, it is a bunch of young, green, hungry guys who just go out and have fun and play baseball.




Boston Red Sawx vs. Chicago White Sox: Let’s start the Ozzie Guillen retirement bus; if he wins he says he’s walking. The Red Sawx come in the favorites since they bring back most of their team from last season, but the White Sox won more games than anyone in the AL so it should prove to be a very competitive series.

PITCHING: The White Sox pitching staff was very good for 2/3 of the season, down the stretch they stumbled a little. However, while most of their starters were struggling, Jose Contreras was going 8-1 down the stretch. Mark Buerhle and Jon Garland are still better than any starters that Sawx have. The Sawx only solid starter all season was Tim Wakefield; David Wells, Matt Clement, Curt Schilling and Bronson Arroyo are all question marks. Both bullpens are spotty at best. The White Sox get the edge their solely because the Sawx bullpen is the equivalent of the Titanic. Mike Timlin is a great set up man, but an inexperienced closer in the playoffs. The White Sox counter with Cliff Politte & Neil Cotts have been good all year and Dustin Hermanson is experienced and closed pretty well most of the season.
ADVANTAGE: Chicago White Sox

HITTING: This is where the Red Sox shine. Obviously in the middle of their lineup they have the two big bats, Manny and Papi. At the top they still have Johnny Damon who can create havoc on the base paths. Edgar Renteria was a disappointment in the regular season, but he is a post season stud and veterans Bill Mueller and Jason Varitek are also clutch hitters. The White Sox relied on the speed of Scott Podsednik to get things going in their lineup, but injuries have slowed him down. Manager Ozzie Guillen knows how to manufacture runs and he has some power in the lineup with Paul Konerko. Veterans AJ Pierzynski, Jermaine Dye, and Joe Crede can also produce runs when needed. The White Sox will need all hands on deck to try and outscore the slugging Sawx.
ADVANTAGE: Boston Red Sawx

INTANGIBLES: Obviously the Sawx have somewhat of an advantage in this category, being the defending World Champs they know what it takes. But I love the way Ozzie Guillen manages, he mixes his baseball intellect with some gut instincts and it paid off for him this season. Terry Franco has done a great job this season, fighting off injuries and expectations to get his team back in the dance. Defensively the White Sox are as good as any team around up the middle. Aaron Rowand is and underrated center fielder and AJ Pierzynski and Joe Crede have built their reputations on defense. The Sawx won last year partly because their defense was so good, this year it has been a disaster. Neither team’s bench is particularly strong, but Timo Perez and Geoff Blum give the Pale Hosers some flexibility in late game situations.
ADVANTAGE: Chicago White Sox

PREDICTION: Chicago in 4
Everyone seems to be pointing toward this series as the signature one of the post season. I am not saying this series will disappoint but the Red Sox don’t seem to have that magic this year, they certainly did last year.



New York Yankees vs. Los Angeles Angels: Since when did the Angels become the greatest team in baseball? Now we all know I am a huge Yankees fan, but come on nobody seems to be given them a chance in this series. Last time I checked the Yankees just won their division (for the 8th consecutive year) and finished with the same record as the Angels.

HITTING: Both these teams hit well and hit in the clutch. The Yankees lineup though is tougher from top to bottom. Joe Torre made a switch by moving A-Rod to the second hole. Moving Robbie Cano to the 9 slot and keeping Jeter leadoff and it ignited the offense. Matsui is consistent, Sheffield is angry, and Bernie Williams can still be clutch. Add veterans Jason Giambi who showed great patience and power this season, Jorge Posada and Tino Martinez and you have what proves to be the most dangerous lineup in baseball. The Angels have the all steady team at the plate: Darrin Erstad, Adam Kennedy, Steve Finley, Bengie Molina, and Garrett Anderson. Then they have the electric Chone Figgins who wreaks havoc on the bases and the superstar in Vlad Guerrero. It seems to me that Vlad or A-Rod will step up and make their mark once and for all in a postseason series.
ADVANTAGE: New York Yankees

PITCHING: Before the season people thought the Yankees had one of the best rotations ever, well that proved not to be true. Mike Mussina had a very mediocre year, but is playoff experienced and Randy Johnson finally came on down the stretch. Johnson proved to be a big game pitcher too, beating the Red Sawx twice in September. Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon do not have any real pressure experience, except for the fact that they were relied on to save the Yankees season time and again, going a combined 17-3 as starters for New York. The Angels pitchers are also a model of consistency; Bartolo Colon, John Lackey and Jarrod Washburn all know how to pitch in the postseason. Both bullpens have electric closers, but my money is always on Mariano Rivera. The Angels have gotten great contributions from Scott Shields and Kelvim Escobar in middle relief. Tom Gordon has been a rock for the Yankees but Allen Embree and Tanyon Sturtze have been somewhat spotty of late.
ADVANTAGE: Even

INTANGIBLES: In the dugout both of these managers have proven themselves. Joe Torre did a great job this season retooling his lineup and pitching staff almost daily. However, Mike Sciosia severely out managed Torre a few years ago when the last met in the playoffs. I do think Torre wants to get out of the game, and winning it all would be the best way to go. Off the bench neither team is very deep, but the Yankees like to use their bench a little more. Defensively the Angels are very good; up the middle they are exceptional with Molina, Kennedy and Orlando Cabrera. The Yankees left side of the infield is hall of fame and their right side is hall of shame. In the outfield both teams are okay, in my opinion Vlad is somewhat overrated defensively. The Yankees are not the prohibitive favorite this year, and they have showed great resilience throughout the season.
ADVANTAGE: New York Yankees

PREDICTION: New York in 5
I think this series could be one for the ages. We know both teams are loaded with fiery competitors and neither will go away easily. I just think the Angles sometimes have trouble producing runs in the clutch, whereas the Yankees never fail to really score

When September Ends

September is the launching pad into the next 5 to 6 months, which is sports most spectacular time. The college football and NFL season’s are in full swing and MLB playoffs are starting. Over the next 6 weeks too, the NHL will return (hopefully it will be fun to watch, paging Sidney Crosby, Mr. Crosby please report to center stage) and college & pro basketball will soon be again in the spotlight, each with their own intriguing subplots.

So here goes, the September recap, as best we can remember.

- Best September nobody realized- Andy Pettitte, he went 4-0 (3-0 on the road) with 32 innings in 5 starts and only gave up 8 runs, for an ERA of 1.86. That is a filthy month.

- Remember when people were talking about the Washington Nationals? Wow, that seems like two years ago; they finished in last, again, 9 games off the pace and 8 games out of the Wild Card. Frank Robinson’s team may have actually played him out of the Manager of the Year trophy, and award he almost couldn’t lose.

- Is this 1988? Is that Tom Osbourne on the sidelines for the 4-0 Cornhuskers? No, it is Bill Callahan of all people, and the new look passing Huskers have a chance in the Big 12 North, the baby sister of the Big 12 South. Did I see Lou Holtz waking up the echoes in South Bend? Nope, Charlie Weis and his stomach are doing good things at Notre Dame, most recently dismantling Purdue. Can Gene Stallings continue to uphold the tradition of Alabama football? Not so fast my friend, that is the young and oft criticized Mike Shula, and his Tide are steamrolling the SEC competition right now. Is Joe Pa still leading that great program at Penn State? No……….er…..ummm, actually yeah it still is Joe Pa, and the Nittany Lions actually look like a D-I team again. The combined record of these storied franchises in September is 18-1.

- This just in; look out NFL there is another Manning on the block, this is Eli’s coming out season. Yes you could be negative and say his completion percentage is a little low (53.6), but he has thrown 9 TD’s and only 2 picks. He has his team with a 3-1 record and is throwing for 246 yards a game. Each week you can see his progression and growth; he knows when to throw it away, when to tuck it and run, all the little things that make a QB a star.

- Same guy, different place: Randy Moss has helped the Raiders to only 1 win, but he has caught 19 balls for 466 yards and only 2 TD’s. Plaxico Burress seems to be the best free agent signing so far, 25 rec. 396 yds and 4 TD. Different guy, same place: Brett Favre has yet to lead his team to victory, and has thrown 7 interceptions in three games. Staying in the same division Daunte Culpepper who has lead his team to only one win and thrown 10 interceptions through 4 games.

- The most under the radar football team seems to be the Florida State Seminoles. Yes they are ranked 6th in the country, but nobody seems to be talking about them. They are only giving up 70 rushing yards a game, while holding opponents to 12 points per game. They have what sets up as a pretty easy schedule, having to go to UVA, Clemson, and Florida; which after this weekend don’t seem all that difficult. It looks like they have the inside track to Jacksonville for the ACC championship game, which could be the prelude to the Rose Bowl.

- How about the Division leaders thru the first month of the NFL season. NFC EAST: The undefeated Washington Redskins. NFC NORTH: Da Bears, at 1-2, YUCK!! NFC SOUTH: The 4-0 Tampa Bay Yuccaneers. NFC WEST: The St. Louis Rams, okay that is not that unexpected. AFC EAST: Nick Saban’s 2-2 Miami Dolphins. AFC NORTH: The undefeated Cincinnati Bungles, are you serious? This team has not lost a game, normally by this time they are mathematically eliminated. AFC SOUTH: The defensive minded Indianapolis Colts, who have only given up 26 points. AFC WEST: The Denver Broncos, who looked awful in week 1, have now won 3 in a row.

- The final series of the year between the Yankees and Sawx I must admit was kind of disappointing. Of course you can blame the Indians for some of that. Friday night’s game had some of that emotion and heart we were all looking for. However, during Saturday’s game there seemed to be a more of a nervous energy, rather than a raucous Fenway crowd. It just felt like the Sawx and their fans were hoping not to lose, rather than trying to win. And the anticipated MVP showdown was lackluster to say the least. Papi had the big game Friday night, and A-Rod had a big day Saturday but there was no signature moment were one of them had to step up to put the team into the playoffs, while knocking the other guy out.


Lastly, that fucking unbelievable hack is at it once again. Fucking useless ass Bill Simmons, what a fucking walking disaster this guy is. I saw an ad on TV that he wrote a book about the Sawx winning the World Series, and what is the title of that book? “Now I Can Die In Peace.” Hey hack, you can’t steal the New York Ranger fan motto from 1994. I don’t care even if you were trying to be funny and ironic, it doesn’t work. It just makes you look like some cheap rip off artist. God this guy just gets worse by the day, I hope you do die in peace, soon preferably.