The Fucking Super Bowl
Really, is there anything more dreadful than the overly hyped Super Bowl? I swear I would rather watch a thousand episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger than to be subjected to more live coverage from Jacksonville. If I here one more comparison between Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells, Tom Brady & Joe Montana, or the Eagles and the 90’s Buffalo Bills I am going to snap. Finally, we can actually get rid of all the hype (almost, we still have 14 pre-game shows to go) and just talk about the nuts and bolts of the game. I just got done reading a book by Phil Simms about analyzing the game of football, and it was very good. So at this juncture I feel I am eminently qualified to tell all you drones what is going to happen Sunday evening; and be totally wrong.
We have basically the “Salary Cap” Dynasty in the New England Patriots, 2 Super Bowl Championships and one missed playoff appearance in the last 3 season (oh, that wacky parity). On the other sideline we have he always dislikable Philadelphia Eagles, except for one reason; how could anyone truly dislike Donavan McNabb? Does anyone else realize that the Patriots, who for most of their NFL existence have been a joke of a franchise, are playing in their fifth Super Bowl? Only the Steelers, Cowboys, Dolphins, and 49ers have done that, and all of them are considered top echelon franchises throughout the years. The Eagles are in search of their first Super Bowl victory, and something tells me Monday morning they will still be looking.
HOW THE PATS CAN WIN: Play Patriot football. They need to control the game, like they always do. That involves scoring on the first drive, not being afraid of the Eagle Blitz and containing Brian Westbrook. These are all things they do with regularity. Their secondary will have little problems with the Eagles receiving core and I believe they will find success with Corey Dillon. I just feel their offensive line can out man the Eagles defensive front. The key will be finding Jerimiah Trotter on running plays.
HOE THE EAGLES CAN WIN: They must get a great game from Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook. The Patriots are good at taking one thing away from an offense but the Eagles have multiple weapons to attack with. Donovan will be huge if the Eagles are to win. On defense they need to dictate the tempo of the game. The Pats as an offense like to dictate tempo by going deep on early downs and using trick plays, but if the Eagles blitz’s and pass rush can get on Brady up the middle, Charlie Weis will have to scale back the big play ability. If Brady gets hit in the mouth early than the Eagles will be in the game, and have a chance to win.
People always like to talk about the intangibles, and in this game they are heavily in the Patriots favor. Although they do not have the best special teams, New England has the best clutch kicker and he has done it on this stage more than once. Secondly, they have the coach. He is the best in the game right now and he will definitely have his team in position to win the game, and he ahs the players that will execute down the stretch. The Patriots play mistake free football and they will need to do so on this day, because both offensively and defensively the Eagles can go for big plays if you make a mistake. I just don’t see the Eagle offense mounting much on the Pats defense. Remember this, the Patriots played the best offense in football and held them to 3 points, then the next week they went on the road and play the stingiest defense in football and put up 34 points on offense (one touchdown was scored by the Patriot defense). How do you beat a team like that?
Lastly, I will most likely be watching the Super Bowl at my lonely dank, dark, smelly apartment. By the third series of the game I will be so disgusted with amount of commercials and the lack of football that I will most likely shut the game off and go read a book. So if Paul McCartney has a wardrobe malfunction someone will need to call me and let me know about it, much like last year when I missed Janet’s tit. All in all it will be a terribly over-hyped football game, the commercials will suck as they always do, and 3 days after the game you will all already forget who won and who played well. So people do yourselves a favor on Sunday, spend time with your children, studying the bible & learning more about god, reading a good book & exercising your mind, or just generally doing something productive rather than watch this garbage.
We have basically the “Salary Cap” Dynasty in the New England Patriots, 2 Super Bowl Championships and one missed playoff appearance in the last 3 season (oh, that wacky parity). On the other sideline we have he always dislikable Philadelphia Eagles, except for one reason; how could anyone truly dislike Donavan McNabb? Does anyone else realize that the Patriots, who for most of their NFL existence have been a joke of a franchise, are playing in their fifth Super Bowl? Only the Steelers, Cowboys, Dolphins, and 49ers have done that, and all of them are considered top echelon franchises throughout the years. The Eagles are in search of their first Super Bowl victory, and something tells me Monday morning they will still be looking.
HOW THE PATS CAN WIN: Play Patriot football. They need to control the game, like they always do. That involves scoring on the first drive, not being afraid of the Eagle Blitz and containing Brian Westbrook. These are all things they do with regularity. Their secondary will have little problems with the Eagles receiving core and I believe they will find success with Corey Dillon. I just feel their offensive line can out man the Eagles defensive front. The key will be finding Jerimiah Trotter on running plays.
HOE THE EAGLES CAN WIN: They must get a great game from Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook. The Patriots are good at taking one thing away from an offense but the Eagles have multiple weapons to attack with. Donovan will be huge if the Eagles are to win. On defense they need to dictate the tempo of the game. The Pats as an offense like to dictate tempo by going deep on early downs and using trick plays, but if the Eagles blitz’s and pass rush can get on Brady up the middle, Charlie Weis will have to scale back the big play ability. If Brady gets hit in the mouth early than the Eagles will be in the game, and have a chance to win.
People always like to talk about the intangibles, and in this game they are heavily in the Patriots favor. Although they do not have the best special teams, New England has the best clutch kicker and he has done it on this stage more than once. Secondly, they have the coach. He is the best in the game right now and he will definitely have his team in position to win the game, and he ahs the players that will execute down the stretch. The Patriots play mistake free football and they will need to do so on this day, because both offensively and defensively the Eagles can go for big plays if you make a mistake. I just don’t see the Eagle offense mounting much on the Pats defense. Remember this, the Patriots played the best offense in football and held them to 3 points, then the next week they went on the road and play the stingiest defense in football and put up 34 points on offense (one touchdown was scored by the Patriot defense). How do you beat a team like that?
Lastly, I will most likely be watching the Super Bowl at my lonely dank, dark, smelly apartment. By the third series of the game I will be so disgusted with amount of commercials and the lack of football that I will most likely shut the game off and go read a book. So if Paul McCartney has a wardrobe malfunction someone will need to call me and let me know about it, much like last year when I missed Janet’s tit. All in all it will be a terribly over-hyped football game, the commercials will suck as they always do, and 3 days after the game you will all already forget who won and who played well. So people do yourselves a favor on Sunday, spend time with your children, studying the bible & learning more about god, reading a good book & exercising your mind, or just generally doing something productive rather than watch this garbage.
2 Comments:
Boo Hoo, the big fat baby doesn't have any friends in Columbia. What's wrong, the Mayor can't find any SEC coaches or NBA scouts to sit around with? Is the strip bar not having a Super Bowl party, because that what this day has truly become.
As a sportswriter, I get random people asking me random questons all the time. While it's usually about me writing about their fat, non-athletic child, these past two weeks I've either been asked or heard people talking about the Super Bowl.
If you think all this anaylists and prognoticators don't know what they're talking about, imagine the morons of Mississippi with no pro team mouthing off about the Big Game.
By the way, I hope you got expressed written consent to use "The Super Bowl" from the NFL, otherwise...
Look, this Sunday stopped being about the game after the Giants beat the Bills for me. since then, it's been a bunch of blowouts, bad commercials with the occasional laugh and the occassional surprise that makes you pay attention in the fourth quarter because this game, this day has become more like a holiday than an acutal football game.
Who, besides Kris, isn't going to a party, having people over or headed to an establishment that will turn into a sports bar for at least one day? Who acutally remembers any intrical part of a football game on any day, yet alone a day that's filled with alcohol, food and more alcohol?
I agree with you that there isn't anything more dreadful than the hype that is the Super Bol, but you're more of a man than me to withstand Walker: Texas Ranger.
I would invite you to the party I'm going to, hosted by three lesbians but I'm afraid you might make a scene, then years later, I'll pop in a porn and see your fat ass with three chicks and have to rip my eyes out of my sockets.
By the way, I saw The Grudge and it was pretty good. It's not scary, it's more suspensful in the style of the original Halloween where you see Mike Myers about 80 times in the background. The story is somewhat interesting and since it's an American remake of a Japanese movie with the original writer and director on board, it doesn't truly suck. Don't be fooled by Sarah Michelle Geller's casting, she doesn't bogard the screen.
Freddy Prince OUT
I to will miss Hunter S Thompson. Here is an excerpt from my favorite story, 'The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved'
"Huge Pontiac Ballbuster blowing through traffic on the expressway.
A radio news bulletin says the National Guard is massacring students at Kent State and Nixon is still bombing Cambodia. The journalist is driving, ignoring his passenger who is now nearly naked after taking off most of his clothing, which he holds out the window, trying to wind-wash the Mace out of it. His eyes are bright red and his face and chest are soaked with beer he's been using to rinse the awful chemical off his flesh. The front of his woolen trousers is soaked with vomit; his body is racked with fits of coughing and wild chocking sobs. The journalist rams the big car through traffic and into a spot in front of the terminal, then he reaches over to open the door on the passenger's side and shoves the Englishman out, snarling: "Bug off, you worthless faggot! You twisted pigfucker! [Crazed laughter.] If I weren't sick I'd kick your ass all the way to Bowling Green--you scumsucking foreign geek. Mace is too good for you...We can do without your kind in Kentucky."
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