The Long & Winding Road
One would think this would be some sort of year end wrap-up edition of “The Wisdom.” The person who thinks that would be dead wrong; especially if you know me well and knew my predisposed hatred for all these “marketing holidays.” Nope this is about my long strange trip that has taken me around the US in 18 days, and why I have not been able to post in awhile. I know my loyal fans have been disappointed in my lack of post over these last few weeks. However, I always am trying to work hard and post when I can but basketball season is severely kicking my ass.
Anyway, back to my strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.
Over the last two and half weeks I have taken a piss in eight different states and dropped a deuce in five. It all started with a visit to the heartland of America, Kansas. Yes that the very same Kansas of Dorothy’s youth. I spent 2 and half fun filled days in the sprawling metropolis of Lawrence. Anyway who tells you Lawrence is a good college town is lying their asses off. That towns blows, and the women are very below average. Plus there are a ton of street kids. I have discovered that all those small cities west of the Mississippi have tons of street kids. You know, those fucking wanna-be hippies who wandering around without showering and tell you everything that is wrong with the government and believe that if everyone listened to Bob Marley music together that the world would truly be a better place. Next it was off to Mobile Alabama. Well there is not much to say about this place except for complete shithole. I would suggest that nobody ever spend any time there. All in all in was an okay trip, we played to excellent basketball games and almost pulled of the miracle upset at Phog Allen Fieldhouse against the Jayhawks.
After that I spent two fun filled days back in the homestead of Columbia. However, I barely had time to breathe since we had another game. Unfortunately in turned into and overtime thriller against South Carolina State. We played like shit and deserved to lose but we pulled it off and it was Christmas time.
This is where my journey takes a turn for the completely terrible. Knowing that flying to the NY/NJ area is like death around the holidays, I have been into driving back home. Most years I plan it right and hit minimal traffic. This year was totally different. I spent 15 of the longest hours of my life in the car. What is normally a 10 1/2 – 11 hour trip turned sour somewhere near Fredricksburg Maryland. From there until 30 miles north of Baltimore I sat in stand still traffic. In fact the only place where the road opened up was around Washington DC which you figure would be the highest volume of traffic. So that was the longest day ever. Christmas time is great and filled with tons of food and tons of relatives. But for me, with my schedule it goes by way too quickly and I am nothing but tired afterwards. Then I have to drive back down south. Figuring that there is bad weather moving into the Mid Atlantic region I should stick to my normal path of I-95 rather than the country roads in Western Virginia and North Carolina. Well just fuck me in the goat ass!!!! There was 3 inches of snow and ice across all of Southeastern Virginia and Northeastern NC. And to those people, as Josh realized first hand, 3 inches is like a blizzard. So at one point in our journey back to the Palmetto state it took 4 hours to go 90 miles, that sucks!!
Back at the ranch we prepared for another tough road test. This time it was at #7 Pittsburgh. Again I was home for maybe a day and a half before I hit the runway on my way to the Keystone State. Once again we came up just short, and that made the trip even longer.
Be advised that I have not had a chance to do laundry in these last 15 days. Finally, we finished up on New Years Eve with a late afternoon match up with the Wofford Terriers. We emerged victorious and finally a day off was coming. So now I am back on a semi regular schedule although road trips will be coming at least once a week I should be able to upkeep pretty well on here.
Andrew, just for you we will have an NFL season recap as well as Playoff preview this week. Plus there will be an obituary comimng and just some other random thoughts on things that are pissing me off.
Anyway, back to my strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.
Over the last two and half weeks I have taken a piss in eight different states and dropped a deuce in five. It all started with a visit to the heartland of America, Kansas. Yes that the very same Kansas of Dorothy’s youth. I spent 2 and half fun filled days in the sprawling metropolis of Lawrence. Anyway who tells you Lawrence is a good college town is lying their asses off. That towns blows, and the women are very below average. Plus there are a ton of street kids. I have discovered that all those small cities west of the Mississippi have tons of street kids. You know, those fucking wanna-be hippies who wandering around without showering and tell you everything that is wrong with the government and believe that if everyone listened to Bob Marley music together that the world would truly be a better place. Next it was off to Mobile Alabama. Well there is not much to say about this place except for complete shithole. I would suggest that nobody ever spend any time there. All in all in was an okay trip, we played to excellent basketball games and almost pulled of the miracle upset at Phog Allen Fieldhouse against the Jayhawks.
After that I spent two fun filled days back in the homestead of Columbia. However, I barely had time to breathe since we had another game. Unfortunately in turned into and overtime thriller against South Carolina State. We played like shit and deserved to lose but we pulled it off and it was Christmas time.
This is where my journey takes a turn for the completely terrible. Knowing that flying to the NY/NJ area is like death around the holidays, I have been into driving back home. Most years I plan it right and hit minimal traffic. This year was totally different. I spent 15 of the longest hours of my life in the car. What is normally a 10 1/2 – 11 hour trip turned sour somewhere near Fredricksburg Maryland. From there until 30 miles north of Baltimore I sat in stand still traffic. In fact the only place where the road opened up was around Washington DC which you figure would be the highest volume of traffic. So that was the longest day ever. Christmas time is great and filled with tons of food and tons of relatives. But for me, with my schedule it goes by way too quickly and I am nothing but tired afterwards. Then I have to drive back down south. Figuring that there is bad weather moving into the Mid Atlantic region I should stick to my normal path of I-95 rather than the country roads in Western Virginia and North Carolina. Well just fuck me in the goat ass!!!! There was 3 inches of snow and ice across all of Southeastern Virginia and Northeastern NC. And to those people, as Josh realized first hand, 3 inches is like a blizzard. So at one point in our journey back to the Palmetto state it took 4 hours to go 90 miles, that sucks!!
Back at the ranch we prepared for another tough road test. This time it was at #7 Pittsburgh. Again I was home for maybe a day and a half before I hit the runway on my way to the Keystone State. Once again we came up just short, and that made the trip even longer.
Be advised that I have not had a chance to do laundry in these last 15 days. Finally, we finished up on New Years Eve with a late afternoon match up with the Wofford Terriers. We emerged victorious and finally a day off was coming. So now I am back on a semi regular schedule although road trips will be coming at least once a week I should be able to upkeep pretty well on here.
Andrew, just for you we will have an NFL season recap as well as Playoff preview this week. Plus there will be an obituary comimng and just some other random thoughts on things that are pissing me off.
1 Comments:
I think I speak for all of us, especially you, when I say that it's unfortunate that you made it back in one piece. I was hoping for an abduction story when you stopped at one of the strip clubs advertising on 95 with billboards stating "We Bare All". Or maybe in that traffic, you would pull a Mike Douglass in 'Falling Down', leave your car on the highway and go on a killing spree, escelating by weapon power with each assult. But no, you had to live, escaping my grasp just a bit longer. Don't worry, thou. You keep eating Doritos, chicken sandwiches and the other crap you stuff down your mouth and I'll be ringing your bell soon enough
Grim Reaper OUT.
P.S. - Since you're still here, I'd like to hear your thoughts on Eli's last game, his first win and Tiki Bear passing Rodney Hampton (WHAT?) as the Giants all-time leading rusher. First off, how the hell is Rodney Hampton the leading rusher and who else is surprised I haven't knocked on his door yet?
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