Upside, down
What a day it is going to be. The NFL Draft, which I agree is overrated, is great theatre, I just love it. Then the NBA playoffs begin later today with 4 games. I am not going anywhere people. As much as I think Bill Simmons (ESPN Page 2 Columnist “The Sports Guy”) is one of the 5 worst sports journalists in America the one idea that he has down well is the “Diary.” I love doing these things on a day like today. Here it is, my diary today, Saturday April 23, 2005:
8:54- Just woke up, have to get my bearings straight and get my food ready before the draft begins at noon.
9:06- Draft Preview reveals the 49ers, who have had approximately 5 months to make this decision, still are unsure on what they will do with the pick.
11:22- 48 minutes until draft time, and in all the pre-draft coverage I have yet to hear the word upside, simply amazing.
12:17- For Pete’s sake just choose Alex Smith already. I always hate the team that picks first, they just waste my time. Nobody is going to give you anything worthwhile in a trade, let’s get this show on the road.
12:26- Oh my, the 49ers and Coach Mike Nolan who said things would be shaken up at the top of this draft, chose Alex Smith, just what everyone predicted. Good things we needed all that time to decide.
12:40- Ronnie Brown to the Dolphins, that is the safe and solid pick, especially for a team whose best running back is currently studying Yoga in India.
12:54- Braylon Edwards to Cleveland, again things going according to plan. Let the Aaron Rogers free fall watch officially begin, if Tampa does not choose him at 6 it could be a long day.
1:09- Cedric Benson just got the ultimate curse, being drafted as a running back by the Chicago Bears, check Curtis Enis and Rashaan Salaam.
1:22- Cadillac Williams to the Bucs. Jon Gruden will find a ways to use this guy. I love the Cadillac, he is a production guy. When I watched him in college all I knew was it was very hard for the opposing team to tackle him. I do not know his 40 time, his vertical, his hands out of the backfield, his wonderlick score, all I know is he is tough to take down, and that can never be a negative in a running back. Think about this, he holds the Auburn record for rushing TD’s, and that is with playing with the #2 pick in the draft and other great Auburn backs like James Brooks and Vincent Edward Jackson.
1:25- Aaron Rodgers has left the green room, and he is now falling faster than a Tibetan Serpa at Mt. Everest Summit Base Camp. (Cha Cha)
1:32- Cadillac Williams just had the quote of the Millennium: When talking about his bets with Ronnie Brown on who would be taken first and who will have a better rookie season, Williams said, “he may have won the war, but the battle is still going.” Gotta love that Auburn education shinning through.
1:48- A cheer just arose from the entire state of South Carolina. Troy Williamson was just drafted by the Minnesota Vikings. This is a great fit for Troy, even though he is seen as replacing Randy Moss. Troy can fly up and down the field, the will send him deep, often, and we know Daunte Culpepper throws the best deep ball in the game. Good Luck Troy, he will be an excellent player for the Vikings.
2:13- Carlos Rogers goes to the Redskins. Why this guy got taken so late eludes me. Jim Thorpe Award Winner, 1st Team All-America, 4.4 40 yd dash, what was wrong with this guy? He made plays, plain and simple. Aaron Rodgers and Mike Williams are lost; maybe they are not actually in this draft. Who knows where these guys will go.
2:18- Chris Berman just said it best; Joey Harrington has no more excuses. Each of the last 3 seasons they have chosen arguably the best receiver in the draft (Charles Rogers & Roy Williams) and now they choose Mike Williams. Wow, what a pick, this team’s offense could go off the charts.
2:27- The New York Giants are now on the……ummm…no, that’s right, it is the San Diego Chargers on the clock, lord knows the Giants couldn’t use any help on there team right now, like say a receiver.
2:42- The San Diego Chargers are doing well for themselves. Shawne Merriman is a very good player, that hybrid Outside Backer/ Defensive End. Great pick for the Chargers, boy the Giants couldn’t use this guy at all.
3:01- Just saw the Yankees score, they are down 6-1 at home to Texas, they fucking blow. This is beginning to get real bad for the Yanks.
3:05- The Carolina Panthers made the big jump of the draft, choosing safety Thomas Davis from Georgia. This guy makes plays, but he is a tweener, and this is a little high for him, considering LB Derrick Johnson and OT Alex Barron are both still out there. Hey Aaron Rodgers, go home, you are never getting picked, he just keeps losing money.
3:29- No new surprises in the draft, however the 76ers are storming out to a big lead against the Pistons, that Allen Iverson is better than you.
3:43- Bobby, your Bungles picked David Pollack a little bit high. This guy produced on the field every season. (Yes Craig, Chris Berman and Torry Holt each said Motor 3 times when describing Pollack). Marvin Lewis is a very good defensive football coach and he will find different places on the field to put Mr. Pollack.
3:48- I have yet to hear the word upside, or Maurice Clarett’s name, simply amazing, these guys are losing their touch.
4:07- Bill Parcells knows exactly what he is doing. He is now showing that he has control over the personnel moves there in Big D. He wanted to get DeMarcus Ware and Marcus Spears, and that is exactly who they got. Remember last year they traded down in Round 1 and got Julius Jones, and in return got this second 1st Round pick.
4:16- Just as this Draft was getting boring, my man Jack Del Rio goes and pulls the shocker by taking Matt Jones in the mid first round. I have long believed he is the best athlete in the Southeastern Conference over the last 4 years. I also think he is suffering from reverse racism as he is analyzed; they keep talking about him as a Tight End or an H-Back. Well if he were black and his size and speed he would be known as, Mike Williams but because he is white many refer to him as a Tight End. He is receiver, who cares what the color of his skin is.
4:44- Finally Aaron Rodgers was chosen. Only about four and a half hours after he thought he might go. The Green Bay Packers made a good pick, this guy has top 10 potential and to try and have a succession plan for Brett Favre is a good thing. I think you will now see the Packers go exclusively defense from here on out. By the way the Pistons are now kicking the 76ers butt!!!
4:57- The Redskins are just becoming Auburn north. They now went with QB Jason Campbell with the #25 pick. Of course 3 days ago when they acquired this pick they denied that it was to pick Jason Campbell and that they were pleased with their Quarterback situation.
5:24- The Atlanta Falcons choose Ron Mexico!!!!!! That joke will never get old, actually they took Roddy White, they speedster from UAB. The only problem with that pick is the fact that their QB doesn’t throw the ball.
5:32- With 1:24 remaining in the game the great Darko Milicic checks into the Psitons/76ers game. Good thing they wasted a #2 pick on this dude. Super-Duper Star Chris Webber snatch a robust 3 rebounds in 36 minutes. Kyle Korver had 3 boards in as many minutes, Andre Iguodala 4 boards in 26 minutes. Heck Chauncy Billups & Lindsey Hunter had as many rebounds. Good job C-Webb!!!
5:48- This draft is reaching a record setting pace, we are past the 5 and a half hour mark. Go Draft!!!
5:49- And right on cue, ever Eagles fan in the joint boo’s!! They do not even know what they are booing anymore. The just boo, you know like Red Sox fans complain.
5:59- Checking in on the baseball scores, the good ole Yanks got spanked again by Texas at home. In other good news Jaret Wright went out with a shoulder injury. Also, Roger Clemens pitched 7 shutout innings today, but his team lost in 10 innings. His ERA this year is 0.32 and he won the Cy Young last year. Good thing we did not try and talk him out of retirement, I would have moved his kid’s entire school district to Long Island if that’s what it took.
6:01- The New England Patriots finished up the 1st Round with some guy I have never read anything on. Some guy named Logan something who was projected as a 3rd Round pick, but how can you question the Patriots. Well the official time was 5 hours and 47 minutes; I had 5 hours and 50 minutes. Whatever it was, it was really long, and that was only round
6:09- This was the first bit of “Jaws” breakdown film I have seen. Overall the ESPN Draft Coverage has not been good, just Boomer, Mel, and Mort sitting around. Not much of the player’s roundtable or studio analysis by Ron Jaworski and Merrill Hoge.
6:14- The Houston Rockets are up early on the Dallas Mavericks and the Second Round is on the way. Updates now coming when something cool actually happens, or a real good/bad pick by a team. Or if someone breaks into my apartment and sodomizes me with a garden hose.
6:51- Someone wake Ernie Acorsi, the Giants actually get to make a pick soon.
7:09- Bill Parcells take another linebacker. He is building that defense in his 3-4 image, with playmaking linebackers. The Giants are officially on the clock.
7:15- The Giants take cornerback Corey Webster. Again the Giants draft defensive back. They seem to do this a lot. I am not sure what was out there on the offensive side of the ball, but there were some defensive lineman that were available, but lord knows we need a few more defensive backs.
7:38- The New York Jets select Ohio State kicker Mike Nugent. What a great pick. This kid has a super strong leg, and he has made big kicks in bad weather, something he will have to do in East Rutherford. Jets fans did not boo, they were more stunned, they wanted CB/Returner Justin Miller. They will be happy with this pick, this kid is worth a second round pick.
8:30- Oh those tricky Jets. They knew the Vikings wanted Nugent and apparently nobody else wanted Justin Miller. So they waited 10 picks, and got Miller anyway.
9:10- Round two is over. Now only 5 more rounds to go.
10:00- The draft is starting to wain. The Celtics are dog stomping the Pacers right now. So much for Reggie’s swan song, time for Bruce Springsteen VH1 Storytellers!!
11:01- Day one is finally over, and Maurice Clarett is the last player chosen on day one, at the end of the 3rd Round, the 101st pick of the day. He was chosen by the Denver Broncos, who know a little something about running backs. Clarett did produce when he was on the field, but there are obvious issues that Denver has to deal with, but this guy has upside when you talk about him being on the Broncos.
John Carney………Shelia McCray…………………………………
Goodnight Everybody!!!!
8:54- Just woke up, have to get my bearings straight and get my food ready before the draft begins at noon.
9:06- Draft Preview reveals the 49ers, who have had approximately 5 months to make this decision, still are unsure on what they will do with the pick.
11:22- 48 minutes until draft time, and in all the pre-draft coverage I have yet to hear the word upside, simply amazing.
12:17- For Pete’s sake just choose Alex Smith already. I always hate the team that picks first, they just waste my time. Nobody is going to give you anything worthwhile in a trade, let’s get this show on the road.
12:26- Oh my, the 49ers and Coach Mike Nolan who said things would be shaken up at the top of this draft, chose Alex Smith, just what everyone predicted. Good things we needed all that time to decide.
12:40- Ronnie Brown to the Dolphins, that is the safe and solid pick, especially for a team whose best running back is currently studying Yoga in India.
12:54- Braylon Edwards to Cleveland, again things going according to plan. Let the Aaron Rogers free fall watch officially begin, if Tampa does not choose him at 6 it could be a long day.
1:09- Cedric Benson just got the ultimate curse, being drafted as a running back by the Chicago Bears, check Curtis Enis and Rashaan Salaam.
1:22- Cadillac Williams to the Bucs. Jon Gruden will find a ways to use this guy. I love the Cadillac, he is a production guy. When I watched him in college all I knew was it was very hard for the opposing team to tackle him. I do not know his 40 time, his vertical, his hands out of the backfield, his wonderlick score, all I know is he is tough to take down, and that can never be a negative in a running back. Think about this, he holds the Auburn record for rushing TD’s, and that is with playing with the #2 pick in the draft and other great Auburn backs like James Brooks and Vincent Edward Jackson.
1:25- Aaron Rodgers has left the green room, and he is now falling faster than a Tibetan Serpa at Mt. Everest Summit Base Camp. (Cha Cha)
1:32- Cadillac Williams just had the quote of the Millennium: When talking about his bets with Ronnie Brown on who would be taken first and who will have a better rookie season, Williams said, “he may have won the war, but the battle is still going.” Gotta love that Auburn education shinning through.
1:48- A cheer just arose from the entire state of South Carolina. Troy Williamson was just drafted by the Minnesota Vikings. This is a great fit for Troy, even though he is seen as replacing Randy Moss. Troy can fly up and down the field, the will send him deep, often, and we know Daunte Culpepper throws the best deep ball in the game. Good Luck Troy, he will be an excellent player for the Vikings.
2:13- Carlos Rogers goes to the Redskins. Why this guy got taken so late eludes me. Jim Thorpe Award Winner, 1st Team All-America, 4.4 40 yd dash, what was wrong with this guy? He made plays, plain and simple. Aaron Rodgers and Mike Williams are lost; maybe they are not actually in this draft. Who knows where these guys will go.
2:18- Chris Berman just said it best; Joey Harrington has no more excuses. Each of the last 3 seasons they have chosen arguably the best receiver in the draft (Charles Rogers & Roy Williams) and now they choose Mike Williams. Wow, what a pick, this team’s offense could go off the charts.
2:27- The New York Giants are now on the……ummm…no, that’s right, it is the San Diego Chargers on the clock, lord knows the Giants couldn’t use any help on there team right now, like say a receiver.
2:42- The San Diego Chargers are doing well for themselves. Shawne Merriman is a very good player, that hybrid Outside Backer/ Defensive End. Great pick for the Chargers, boy the Giants couldn’t use this guy at all.
3:01- Just saw the Yankees score, they are down 6-1 at home to Texas, they fucking blow. This is beginning to get real bad for the Yanks.
3:05- The Carolina Panthers made the big jump of the draft, choosing safety Thomas Davis from Georgia. This guy makes plays, but he is a tweener, and this is a little high for him, considering LB Derrick Johnson and OT Alex Barron are both still out there. Hey Aaron Rodgers, go home, you are never getting picked, he just keeps losing money.
3:29- No new surprises in the draft, however the 76ers are storming out to a big lead against the Pistons, that Allen Iverson is better than you.
3:43- Bobby, your Bungles picked David Pollack a little bit high. This guy produced on the field every season. (Yes Craig, Chris Berman and Torry Holt each said Motor 3 times when describing Pollack). Marvin Lewis is a very good defensive football coach and he will find different places on the field to put Mr. Pollack.
3:48- I have yet to hear the word upside, or Maurice Clarett’s name, simply amazing, these guys are losing their touch.
4:07- Bill Parcells knows exactly what he is doing. He is now showing that he has control over the personnel moves there in Big D. He wanted to get DeMarcus Ware and Marcus Spears, and that is exactly who they got. Remember last year they traded down in Round 1 and got Julius Jones, and in return got this second 1st Round pick.
4:16- Just as this Draft was getting boring, my man Jack Del Rio goes and pulls the shocker by taking Matt Jones in the mid first round. I have long believed he is the best athlete in the Southeastern Conference over the last 4 years. I also think he is suffering from reverse racism as he is analyzed; they keep talking about him as a Tight End or an H-Back. Well if he were black and his size and speed he would be known as, Mike Williams but because he is white many refer to him as a Tight End. He is receiver, who cares what the color of his skin is.
4:44- Finally Aaron Rodgers was chosen. Only about four and a half hours after he thought he might go. The Green Bay Packers made a good pick, this guy has top 10 potential and to try and have a succession plan for Brett Favre is a good thing. I think you will now see the Packers go exclusively defense from here on out. By the way the Pistons are now kicking the 76ers butt!!!
4:57- The Redskins are just becoming Auburn north. They now went with QB Jason Campbell with the #25 pick. Of course 3 days ago when they acquired this pick they denied that it was to pick Jason Campbell and that they were pleased with their Quarterback situation.
5:24- The Atlanta Falcons choose Ron Mexico!!!!!! That joke will never get old, actually they took Roddy White, they speedster from UAB. The only problem with that pick is the fact that their QB doesn’t throw the ball.
5:32- With 1:24 remaining in the game the great Darko Milicic checks into the Psitons/76ers game. Good thing they wasted a #2 pick on this dude. Super-Duper Star Chris Webber snatch a robust 3 rebounds in 36 minutes. Kyle Korver had 3 boards in as many minutes, Andre Iguodala 4 boards in 26 minutes. Heck Chauncy Billups & Lindsey Hunter had as many rebounds. Good job C-Webb!!!
5:48- This draft is reaching a record setting pace, we are past the 5 and a half hour mark. Go Draft!!!
5:49- And right on cue, ever Eagles fan in the joint boo’s!! They do not even know what they are booing anymore. The just boo, you know like Red Sox fans complain.
5:59- Checking in on the baseball scores, the good ole Yanks got spanked again by Texas at home. In other good news Jaret Wright went out with a shoulder injury. Also, Roger Clemens pitched 7 shutout innings today, but his team lost in 10 innings. His ERA this year is 0.32 and he won the Cy Young last year. Good thing we did not try and talk him out of retirement, I would have moved his kid’s entire school district to Long Island if that’s what it took.
6:01- The New England Patriots finished up the 1st Round with some guy I have never read anything on. Some guy named Logan something who was projected as a 3rd Round pick, but how can you question the Patriots. Well the official time was 5 hours and 47 minutes; I had 5 hours and 50 minutes. Whatever it was, it was really long, and that was only round
6:09- This was the first bit of “Jaws” breakdown film I have seen. Overall the ESPN Draft Coverage has not been good, just Boomer, Mel, and Mort sitting around. Not much of the player’s roundtable or studio analysis by Ron Jaworski and Merrill Hoge.
6:14- The Houston Rockets are up early on the Dallas Mavericks and the Second Round is on the way. Updates now coming when something cool actually happens, or a real good/bad pick by a team. Or if someone breaks into my apartment and sodomizes me with a garden hose.
6:51- Someone wake Ernie Acorsi, the Giants actually get to make a pick soon.
7:09- Bill Parcells take another linebacker. He is building that defense in his 3-4 image, with playmaking linebackers. The Giants are officially on the clock.
7:15- The Giants take cornerback Corey Webster. Again the Giants draft defensive back. They seem to do this a lot. I am not sure what was out there on the offensive side of the ball, but there were some defensive lineman that were available, but lord knows we need a few more defensive backs.
7:38- The New York Jets select Ohio State kicker Mike Nugent. What a great pick. This kid has a super strong leg, and he has made big kicks in bad weather, something he will have to do in East Rutherford. Jets fans did not boo, they were more stunned, they wanted CB/Returner Justin Miller. They will be happy with this pick, this kid is worth a second round pick.
8:30- Oh those tricky Jets. They knew the Vikings wanted Nugent and apparently nobody else wanted Justin Miller. So they waited 10 picks, and got Miller anyway.
9:10- Round two is over. Now only 5 more rounds to go.
10:00- The draft is starting to wain. The Celtics are dog stomping the Pacers right now. So much for Reggie’s swan song, time for Bruce Springsteen VH1 Storytellers!!
11:01- Day one is finally over, and Maurice Clarett is the last player chosen on day one, at the end of the 3rd Round, the 101st pick of the day. He was chosen by the Denver Broncos, who know a little something about running backs. Clarett did produce when he was on the field, but there are obvious issues that Denver has to deal with, but this guy has upside when you talk about him being on the Broncos.
John Carney………Shelia McCray…………………………………
Goodnight Everybody!!!!
5 Comments:
imperial wizard~
thanks for the shoutout....im thinking pollack can be like boulware or suggs from baltimore. what u think? i heard we got a steal in odell thurmond and chris henry has "1st round talent" but they say that about a lot of ppl. looks like kevin hardy, nate webster and peter warrick/kelly washington are on the hit list for summer cuts. we need some more help in the middle of both of our lines but i like the first round....who's your winners and losers from day one?!? see ya soon blaaaaaaaaaz.
I absolutely love your diaries, laughing out loud half the time and looking longingly at the computer when you make a great point, like what the fuck is going on with the Giants?!?!?!? OK, we don't need a WR because of Plexican't, Tim Carter and the other little guy we drafted last year that came on late, not to mention I think either Ike or a well-dressed man is coming back, but defensive backfield?!?!
This is the one spot I thought we were overcrowded with the Will's, Shawn Williams and the little nigra that broke spines until he hurt himself after seven games.
I would said there's a master plan, but I just don't see it, but I guess all the really big and slow white guys from mid-major programs were gone, so Accorsi couldn't get a OL like he likes. Unless we're gonna move to a 4-2-5 defense, which could actually work - moving Williams to a monster role or something - I'm completely confused
What I'm not confused about is who's the best team in New York City RIGHT NOW. I'm absolutely positive the Yanks will right their ship at some point, but I warn you, Randy Johnson sucked on my fantasy team a couple of years ago and I've got him again. That and we're gonna get something real good for Mike Cameron once he's healthy cuz I'm happy to let Victor Diaz make one bone head play for every two hits - check the stats on his kid, he's a keeper.
C-Ya at the reunion - Lee Bronsnick OUT.
Slipper, your dedication to the draft is award winning. Here is what I can't understand. Why did everyone who suited for Oklahoma's defense this year get drafted (especially the secondary). Did people not see this defense get lit up for like 70 points by USC and 40 by Ok. State and A&M. This had to be the worst good defense I had ever seen. Hell, the Browns drafted two of these jabroni's. I just don't get it. HUSKER POWER! Go Big Red! -Big Willie
Hey Ox, good work. Way to dedicate your entire day to this blog. I know you probably canceled numerous invitations to parties, dinners, the shower in order to fulfill your commitment to the blog. Good work! I give you the 21 hoagie salute!!!
Hey how about the monster Ron Dane in traing running back the Gmen took in round 4??? I was hoping they'd take Fason to back up Tiki until I heard the name Brandon Jacobs. A Southern Illinois Running Back??? Why? Oh yeah he's 6'5" 270 pounds and runs a 4.51 40....the CB they took in round 2 only runs a 4.55. Could this be the Nigerian Nightmare part 2 but in a Saluki form?? Heck he avged 6.5 yards a carry when at AUburn until he realized there might be a few better RB's in front of. Nice thinking big man!! If this guy can convert half of the Giants 3rd and shorts and score a quarter of the time in the red zone, then this pick will be amazing. I just wish they would have kept Lorenzen. Could have had the fatest backfield in the league!!!
Their 3rd round pick was pretty good too. Tuck, DE from Notre Dame is their all time sack leader and was ranked higher then Erasmus James on many teams boards. He slipped due to injuries last year. Could be promising to lineup opposite Osi in a few years.
Later Fuck bag!
Slipper, good work on the draft recap. I know how hard it was for you to sit on your ass in front of the T.V. all day!! I'm still waiting for you to repace Mel Kiper Jr, God that guy sucks!!! Later!!
Turd
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