Monday, March 21, 2005

The Weekend Wrap

Things we learned:

- Nobody really has any clue when it comes to picking the NCAA Tournament bracket. We all get our upsets from year to year, but the thing is just way too unpredictable. The chances of anyone actually having picked Bucknell & Vermont in round 1 and West Virginia & UW-Milwaukee in round 2 are very slim. I guess I would have to say I am better at telling you who is not going to do well, rather than who is going to do well. I told anyone that would listen that Kansas & Wake Forest were not contenders. Of course I also thought Syracuse, Alabama, and Connecticut were. See what I mean nobody really knows, but it is sure fun to watch.

- Rednecks in the state of South Carolina are truly excited about Steve Spurrier being their Ole Ball Coach. Over 3,000 fans turned out Saturday morning for the first spring practice of the year. Not a scrimmage or anything, just a regular old practice, and these yahoo’s were there in full force. There is nothing quite like a first practice in spring under a new coach; nobody knows where to go, QB’s are repeatedly fumbling snaps, coach’s calling players by the wrong names, yet these bastards were totally fascinated by the whole thing. To such an extent were they fascinated that they were able to go on the internet later and begin to draw conclusions on the future success of this team from the 45 minute segment of the practice they were allowed in for.

- This golf season is shaping up to be one for the ages. I know Golf is not a popular topic, but how could people not be looking forward to this years Majors. Tiger Woods, Retief Goosen, Ernie Els, Vijay Singh, and Phil Mickelson are all at the very top of their games. This weekend’s Bay Hill gave us a great look at what is to come at the Major Championships this spring and summer


Things I liked:

- Spring Break: Shark Attack. What a brilliant movie. There was some ridiculous plot about people in love or something, but then the last 30 minutes turned into the worst thriller I have ever seen. For some reason and ass load of sharks decided to just feast on some dopey ass drunk spring breakers. I absolutely loved this movie, the only thing that could have made it better were if it were based on actual events. There is nothing I hate more than college spring breakers. My dream is for this to happen at the beach where MTV is holding their spring break nonsense that would be the greatest day of my life.

- AMC provided me with something to watch during commercial breaks or when the games got lackluster this weekend. They had an all day Rocky fest Saturday and Sunday. I really never get tired of watching those movies. I saw all my favorite scenes at least twice this weekend.



Things I disliked

- Anyone still pretending to care about steroids in baseball. This thing that happened with congress just reaffirmed my stance of non involvement. Nobody cares, stop fucking talking about it. Here is what baseball fans care about; the health of their pitchers, do they have any back up outfielders, and will (fill in the blank) stay injury free this year so we can make a run at the playoffs. McGwire did steroids; I get it, now who cares…………..oh that’s right, nobody. This is all that needs to be said about the steroid issue: Before last season Barry Bonds was finally linked to involvement with steroids through the arrests and raids of the BALCO Labs. Nobody likes Bonds (supposedly) and had always suspected him of having used steroids, and now some proof was finally beginning to emerge. Well last season, do you know what team led baseball in Road Attendance? That’s right folks the San Francisco Giants. And it wasn’t because fans were turning out to see JT Snow or Marquis Grissom (these two old useless bastards are still playing); nope it was to see the greatest player of all time, BARRY LAMAR BONDS!!!! Stop pretending to be so self-righteous and caring about the integrity of the game and what do we tell the children. The game has no integrity. Tell the children the truth; you do steroids you get big and strong and chicks want to have sex with you, but your balls also shrink to the size of peanuts and your heart could stop at any minute, hey nobody said life was easy.

- Clark Kellogg and Seth Davis. What is the point in having these two ass clowns on during the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament? Next weekend maybe they can provide some analysis when there aren’t game going on, but this past weekend all they would do was sit there as Greg Gumble swiftly moved us from halftime of our game, to other action from around the country. There were certain segments of the broadcast (and take this from a man who watched every minute of CBS’s coverage this weekend) were these 2 guys when 3 hours without saying a word. And when they did provide analysis it usually sucked.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want all the anaylists who were raving about how bad Washington was as a No 1 seed, how UConn, Syracuse and Wake Forest were going to 'March on' to apologize for their stupidity.
Digger, Dickie V and Stevie all were horribly wrong, yet come out and predict that these same teams have no chance in the Sweet 16. Really? Well, since they didn't have a chance last round, let's just calm down about the locks, unless you're going to get a huge MasterLock and pull it on stage, then I'll believe you...
For Rednecks in the South, Carolina, Mississippi, Alabama, etc, it's always football season and Spurrier has something they've never seen before - a recent national championship. Sure, Holtz had one, but the moonshine wipes out memories of the past...
How great is golf gonna be if Tiger is driving the ball out of bounds? that's all I got about golf, but people like it when you're topical.
After finally making it through Rocky III, I realize three things. My claim that Rocky could never beat Clubber Lang was wrong. Anyone who fights with no defense, swinging from thier hips and refuses to go to the body will lose to a white guy that tries to box, then just decided to let him punch himself out of breath by dropping haymakers. What the hell was that? Two, they really should have stopped the Rocky movies after three, tell me the ending with Apollo and Stalion swinging at each other wouldn't have been the perfect finish to a trilogy? But I guess we needed to get lines like 'I must break you', plus where would Big Pun have gotten the samples from for the first track on his first album? The third thing is really simple - Wasn't Paulie a fat, whop dumbass in the first movie? I'm not familiar with the second one, but he came back like a big, fat tub of lad in the third one. Now, Rocky is clearly an idiot, so he can't be trusted to control money, but how did Adrienne allow this fat, spagetti eating moron control the finances they were swimming in from the 10 title defense and the rematch? Don't feed me with the older brother crap cuz she got a back bone from the first movie. They end up in slums and I hope someone throws trash on her next time she's going to the corner store for some pasta, the dumb wench. How in the hell do you lose all that money, letting that...
I've already insulted enough people, so I'll just stop here.
TERROR SQUAD out.

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imperial Wizard
Thank you for saying something about freakin dumbass Seth Davis. This idiot said that Pacific would upset Washington and just makes comments that are stupid. Kellogg I dont mind as much, but Davis is a no talent ass clown. Did u see the Sunday Conversation with Spurrier....all I have to say is that at least he's got the balls to kick people off the team rather than give them 5,6,7 55, 86, 109 chances.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't know where else to put this. But I am surprised there is no mention anywhere of your Alma Mater making it to the final 4 of the D3 men's bball tournament. York is in your blood Kris!

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

imperial wizard~
have u read thesabre.com??? it's pretty funny, apparently the folks at UVA think that carlos powell is a 1st round draft choice b/c of being at usc....they also correctly make fun of usc about being excited about the NIT championship but i dont remember them having any championships to hang onto...even sampson didnt win one, right? anyway...i tried emailing u again, that's why i used ur blog, ur email sucks ass. the carolinas swept the postseason...

8:32 PM  

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