"Are you Nervous?"
I cannot go anywhere today without hearing that question. Today is national Nervousness day, and there are so many things to be nervous of. Off the top of my head I can think of a few, but which is the one everyone is talking about?
I heard this morning through the grapevine that my University has announced that it is cutting back on fat people, so I might lose my job. Frito Lay announced today in the Wall Street Journal that it is stopping production on the Dorito Tortilla Chip because it causes Cancer. Porn will no longer be available on the internet due to a new Government regulation handed down by Jerry Falwell. In the latest CNN Poll Ralph Nader is winning California, Texas, Florida, and New York by 30 percentage points. I will now be required to walk to work to conserve gas. Jesus has announced that Heaven is full and all of us lustful adultering infidels will no longer be forgiven and will be banished to eternity in Hell, Pergitory, or Kansas. Everytime I think unnatural thoughts about any female I see, birds will fly down and begin to peck out my eyeballs. These are all things to be nervous about. Finally, I turned to one of these idiots asking me this question and asked, "What is it? What should I be nervous about?" He simply responded, "Game 7."
Oh, a baseball game. Why would anyone be nervous about a baseball game. Noah Webster defines a game as an activity engaged in for a diversion or amusement. People, when I have to become nervous about my amusement it is time to go. Yes I am a Yankee fan and I root hard for them to win, and even hard against the hated Red Sox. But as Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) said in Cast Away "Tommorrow the Sun will rise." I will still have to go to work. I have experienced joy in my sports fan life; 1986 & 1990 NY Giants, 1994 NY Rangers, 1996,1998,1999, & 2000 NY Yankees, and the 1997 Green Bay Packers. But also I have shared dissappointment; Every other Ranger team, the NY Knicks of the Ewing Era, the 2000 NY Giants, the 2001 & 2003 NY Yankees, and the 1998 Green Bay Packers. After each on of those series or games, the next day came without compassion, reconciliation, or adualtion. I still had school or work the next day. The test I had failed was still and F, the assignment I copmpleted at my job was still done, no matter what happens in that game.
Tonight, like most fall evenings spent in the last 10 years, I will watch my beloved NY Yankees. Rooting hard at every turn for them to bring home a victory and a moment of joy that will be rendered useless only seconds later when I fill out my rent check. Win or Lose I will go to bed watching MASH and creating another diversion in my life. I have the utmost confidence in my team and its manager, but I am also confident that the Red Sox are a quality team and there fans feel the same toward their team. So ya see, it doesn't really matter who's fans think what team is better or who cares more passionately. It matters whether or not Jorge Posada will get that 2 out base hit in the 7th inning off of Mike Timlin, to give the Yankees the lead. If I was Posada or Timlin, then I might be Nervous.
I heard this morning through the grapevine that my University has announced that it is cutting back on fat people, so I might lose my job. Frito Lay announced today in the Wall Street Journal that it is stopping production on the Dorito Tortilla Chip because it causes Cancer. Porn will no longer be available on the internet due to a new Government regulation handed down by Jerry Falwell. In the latest CNN Poll Ralph Nader is winning California, Texas, Florida, and New York by 30 percentage points. I will now be required to walk to work to conserve gas. Jesus has announced that Heaven is full and all of us lustful adultering infidels will no longer be forgiven and will be banished to eternity in Hell, Pergitory, or Kansas. Everytime I think unnatural thoughts about any female I see, birds will fly down and begin to peck out my eyeballs. These are all things to be nervous about. Finally, I turned to one of these idiots asking me this question and asked, "What is it? What should I be nervous about?" He simply responded, "Game 7."
Oh, a baseball game. Why would anyone be nervous about a baseball game. Noah Webster defines a game as an activity engaged in for a diversion or amusement. People, when I have to become nervous about my amusement it is time to go. Yes I am a Yankee fan and I root hard for them to win, and even hard against the hated Red Sox. But as Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) said in Cast Away "Tommorrow the Sun will rise." I will still have to go to work. I have experienced joy in my sports fan life; 1986 & 1990 NY Giants, 1994 NY Rangers, 1996,1998,1999, & 2000 NY Yankees, and the 1997 Green Bay Packers. But also I have shared dissappointment; Every other Ranger team, the NY Knicks of the Ewing Era, the 2000 NY Giants, the 2001 & 2003 NY Yankees, and the 1998 Green Bay Packers. After each on of those series or games, the next day came without compassion, reconciliation, or adualtion. I still had school or work the next day. The test I had failed was still and F, the assignment I copmpleted at my job was still done, no matter what happens in that game.
Tonight, like most fall evenings spent in the last 10 years, I will watch my beloved NY Yankees. Rooting hard at every turn for them to bring home a victory and a moment of joy that will be rendered useless only seconds later when I fill out my rent check. Win or Lose I will go to bed watching MASH and creating another diversion in my life. I have the utmost confidence in my team and its manager, but I am also confident that the Red Sox are a quality team and there fans feel the same toward their team. So ya see, it doesn't really matter who's fans think what team is better or who cares more passionately. It matters whether or not Jorge Posada will get that 2 out base hit in the 7th inning off of Mike Timlin, to give the Yankees the lead. If I was Posada or Timlin, then I might be Nervous.
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