He should have stayed away
Now, instant critics of mine, Martin & Kyle, who know I am not into this genre of films are going to ask, why go see this, especially on opening weekend. Well as some of you know I am still in development with a local TV station about becoming a part time movie critic for their morning television show (yes, they are going to show a better looking person and spoon feed him my lines). Well alas they called me up Friday and asked if I would go see this movie so we can do another test screening later this week. Indeed I have never been a fan of the whole comic book, sci-fi, fantasy film genre on almost any level (basically I like Star Wars and the rest of it is crap). When I was a kid I saw the Superman’s and the Batman’s and thought they were all equally stupid. As in my young adulthood non creative movie studios have flooded us with remakes and books turned movies like Spider Man, Daredevil, the Incredible Hulk, Lord of the Rings, X-Men, etc.
Most of that stuff I never really wasted time on viewing, and the ones I did view at best were mediocre. Well the newest edition of Superman fell way short of my expectations of mediocrity.
This thing was a piece of crap from start to finish. Director Bryan Singer (who is the Larry Coker of directors, his first major feature film was The Usual Suspects and it has been downhill since then) first mistake led to all his other problems, and that first mistake was the length of his “action movie.” This move was over 2 ½ hours long, which is dreadful for most movies, especially any action movie. It felt like I was in the theatre for eternity. From there all his problems mounted; the terrible acting, the bad plot, and the predictable outcomes of the situations. Now I know what you are going to say, “Kris, you knew Superman would save the day, of course the outcome is predictable.” And yes while I agree with that, there was something near the end (I won’t ruin it) where the movie could have ended and set up perfectly for a sequel (and yes there is a sequel waiting to be green-lighted once Brandon Routh signs on).
Again I was never a big fan of the original Superman films, but to me they seemed to work well in the core audience and the actors who played the parts were very good. Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, and Jackie Cooper are all memorable in their respective starring roles. However, in this latest installment, outside of newcomer Brandon Routh everyone else I pretty much terrible. Routh has the look, feel and movement like Reeve did and is believable as the man of steel. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane could be the biggest casting mistake since someone said, let’s put Keanu Reeves in (insert movie here). Bosworth and Routh exude zero chemistry on screen and may as well be two strangers who just met. Bosworth is part of the new stable of hot young Hollywood actresses who seemed to all be named Kate or some close variation thereof, yet none of them come close to being as good as Reese Witherspoon or Rachel McAdams when it comes to talent. Veteran actor Frank Langella plays Perry White, Editor of the Daily Planet, but he brings very little to the part mainly from Director Bryan Singers lack of use of the character. And lastly, Kevin Spacey was cast as the super villain Lex Luthor. Initially I thought this was great casting until I watched the movie, while Spacey can normally play a great diabolical bad guy, his character was way to hokey and comic booky. He was not a bad ass like Gene Hackman in the original or Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of the Joker in the Batman movie, Spacey was more Jim Carrey as the Riddler. As for the secondary roles nobody really stands out, except for Lois Lane’s child, and he only stands out because of his lack of use in the movie. There is a “secret” about the child that we are all clued into early on in the movie, and while he could be a major part of the plot he never becomes so, and I am still wondering why?
Listen, I am not one who openly rips apart movie plots all that often, plenty of my favorites have some gaping holes in them. However, Superman Returns has more holes in it than Denzel Washington in the last scene of Training Day. The first problem with the movie is the title, Superman Returns, from where? Why does he return? Why now? Yes these questions are sort of answered with a paragraph of text at the beginning of the movie, but that is more to quickly appease you before starting the movie. Think about it again, they never really answer any of those questions. The second problem is the movie is it isn’t about our favorite super hero, and more about the subsequent life of Lois Lane. And again, it is not even about their chemistry of those two. Brandon Routh has less dialogue than Drew Barrymore had in Scream, and she was killed before the opening credits. Then there is the diabolical take over the world plot, a standard in super hero movies which sickens me to death. In two and a half hours of Director Bryan Singer outlining this plot I still have no idea what was going on; something with crystals and them producing land masses when mixed with water? I feel much like Lex Luthor’s girlfriend Kitty when she says, “you mean like sea monkeys?” Somehow that also helped Luthor produce Kryptonite to keep Superman at bay or something like that. I really am not sure what that part of the movie was about, by again we know in the end Superman foils the plot, yet the bad guy gets away.
Like I stated earlier I had zero expectations when going to see this film, and yet somehow still came out unfulfilled. Now if you are a fan of these types of films, I have no doubt that you will probably enjoy it. There are plenty of action packed special effects driven scenes that people seem to think movie making is about now. As for me I much preferred Friday night when I turned on Turner Classic Movies and watched “On the Waterfront” with Marlon Brando & Eva Marie Saint and then “North by Northwest” with Cary Grant & Eva Marie Saint (I mention her because she plays Clark Kent’s mother in this version of Superman). Give me the classics every time.
Most of that stuff I never really wasted time on viewing, and the ones I did view at best were mediocre. Well the newest edition of Superman fell way short of my expectations of mediocrity.
This thing was a piece of crap from start to finish. Director Bryan Singer (who is the Larry Coker of directors, his first major feature film was The Usual Suspects and it has been downhill since then) first mistake led to all his other problems, and that first mistake was the length of his “action movie.” This move was over 2 ½ hours long, which is dreadful for most movies, especially any action movie. It felt like I was in the theatre for eternity. From there all his problems mounted; the terrible acting, the bad plot, and the predictable outcomes of the situations. Now I know what you are going to say, “Kris, you knew Superman would save the day, of course the outcome is predictable.” And yes while I agree with that, there was something near the end (I won’t ruin it) where the movie could have ended and set up perfectly for a sequel (and yes there is a sequel waiting to be green-lighted once Brandon Routh signs on).
Again I was never a big fan of the original Superman films, but to me they seemed to work well in the core audience and the actors who played the parts were very good. Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, and Jackie Cooper are all memorable in their respective starring roles. However, in this latest installment, outside of newcomer Brandon Routh everyone else I pretty much terrible. Routh has the look, feel and movement like Reeve did and is believable as the man of steel. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane could be the biggest casting mistake since someone said, let’s put Keanu Reeves in (insert movie here). Bosworth and Routh exude zero chemistry on screen and may as well be two strangers who just met. Bosworth is part of the new stable of hot young Hollywood actresses who seemed to all be named Kate or some close variation thereof, yet none of them come close to being as good as Reese Witherspoon or Rachel McAdams when it comes to talent. Veteran actor Frank Langella plays Perry White, Editor of the Daily Planet, but he brings very little to the part mainly from Director Bryan Singers lack of use of the character. And lastly, Kevin Spacey was cast as the super villain Lex Luthor. Initially I thought this was great casting until I watched the movie, while Spacey can normally play a great diabolical bad guy, his character was way to hokey and comic booky. He was not a bad ass like Gene Hackman in the original or Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of the Joker in the Batman movie, Spacey was more Jim Carrey as the Riddler. As for the secondary roles nobody really stands out, except for Lois Lane’s child, and he only stands out because of his lack of use in the movie. There is a “secret” about the child that we are all clued into early on in the movie, and while he could be a major part of the plot he never becomes so, and I am still wondering why?
Listen, I am not one who openly rips apart movie plots all that often, plenty of my favorites have some gaping holes in them. However, Superman Returns has more holes in it than Denzel Washington in the last scene of Training Day. The first problem with the movie is the title, Superman Returns, from where? Why does he return? Why now? Yes these questions are sort of answered with a paragraph of text at the beginning of the movie, but that is more to quickly appease you before starting the movie. Think about it again, they never really answer any of those questions. The second problem is the movie is it isn’t about our favorite super hero, and more about the subsequent life of Lois Lane. And again, it is not even about their chemistry of those two. Brandon Routh has less dialogue than Drew Barrymore had in Scream, and she was killed before the opening credits. Then there is the diabolical take over the world plot, a standard in super hero movies which sickens me to death. In two and a half hours of Director Bryan Singer outlining this plot I still have no idea what was going on; something with crystals and them producing land masses when mixed with water? I feel much like Lex Luthor’s girlfriend Kitty when she says, “you mean like sea monkeys?” Somehow that also helped Luthor produce Kryptonite to keep Superman at bay or something like that. I really am not sure what that part of the movie was about, by again we know in the end Superman foils the plot, yet the bad guy gets away.
Like I stated earlier I had zero expectations when going to see this film, and yet somehow still came out unfulfilled. Now if you are a fan of these types of films, I have no doubt that you will probably enjoy it. There are plenty of action packed special effects driven scenes that people seem to think movie making is about now. As for me I much preferred Friday night when I turned on Turner Classic Movies and watched “On the Waterfront” with Marlon Brando & Eva Marie Saint and then “North by Northwest” with Cary Grant & Eva Marie Saint (I mention her because she plays Clark Kent’s mother in this version of Superman). Give me the classics every time.
1 Comments:
Your fatness sickens me.
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